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Feeling Down

  • 25-06-2009 09:29PM
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi all. I am in my early twenties and just finished up in Uni. For the past four years or so in Uni I've been able to keep myself occupied without dwelling on my ever increasing lack of self worth. I was able to live with my feelings of inferiority but ever since I have all this free time it's getting on top of me. Ever since I hit 18 and started going out clubbing with my friends I became painfully self aware of my own inadequacies.

    Long story short I'm not a great looker, not by any means. I've also got a quite reserved and shy personality so I am in no way attractive. I've never had a girlfriend and to be honest I am scared stiff of women. The only women I've ever attempted to ask out were friends, and because of me misreading signals I just ended up hurting myself badly. The last time I made an effort with a girl was four years ago. I asked her out, she said yes with a convincing smile but then the next day when I texted her she told me she wanted to stay friends. I'm not a pushy or sleazy guy, so I just accepted what her wishes were respectfully. Even now four years later I've made some amazing women (in terms of being nice and just wonderful people) but I still wouldn't dare try and ask any of them out. I just feel worthless.

    The girl's rejection of me four years ago galvanised me into taking action. I start exercising and lost four stone. I'm only a stone or two off my target now as I right this. But everytime I tried to get over the final hurdle something always seems to pop up and derail me. A bad result in Uni, public speaking, social anxiety, fights with family, bereavments in the family or just simply something like a chick flick (and the perfection that they preach); these are the things that would remind me of my total lack of self worth. So the progress I would make would be cancelled out by me carelessly throwing a weeks exercise out the window. Last Summer was the worst, I had got down to my lightest ever, 12 stone, and I was feeling like a ****ing freight train powering my way to success.

    Again this Summer I was making great progress, I lost half a stone in a week but then anxiety over exam results and interviews for jobs ****ed me up again. I just can't handle my lack of self confidence; everytime it rears its' head I just crumble to pieces.

    I'm sorry for the ramblings, what I've written probably just comes across as incoherent. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm not suicidal or anything but I am being 100% accurate when I say that I ****ing hate my life, and myself.


Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,957 ✭✭✭Euro_Kraut


    Hi OP. Sorry to hear about this.

    Can I ask you if you feel down all the time or just occasionally?

    Also what are the things in life that make you feel good?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi OP, first of all well done on losing all the weight and best of luck with the rest! Secondly most people are quite insecure at some stage about themselves. You are young and if you make a conscious effort to work on your self esteem now it will improve gradually. There are loads of self help books out there, usually very large sections in bookstores, which goes to show how popular they are. Don't be scared of girls, most are very sensitive and are more conscious of themselves when speaking to people than what you look like. Practice pretending to be confident and it will occur naturally after a while. I'm 37 and have had similar issues and still do in some cases. If you really knew how little people thought about your imperfections then you wouldn't be as conscious of yourself. Best of luck


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Congratulations on getting close to your target weight. Try not to let little things get you down, although I'm pretty guilty of that myself. Hope you start to realise what you have and the things you are lucky to have, which should help you with feeling better about yourself.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Euro_Kraut wrote: »
    Hi OP. Sorry to hear about this.

    Can I ask you if you feel down all the time or just occasionally?

    Also what are the things in life that make you feel good?

    Hi Euro Kraut. :) Firstly I want to thank you for replying, I thought I was going to go unnoticed.

    It usually hits me in cycles. Sometimes I go through weeks and weeks dwelling on my how worthless I feel. Then something good happens, and I feel fine for one or two weeks but then inevitably I slip back into my feelings of self-loathing. It's just that now I am finished Uni and unemployed I have too much time on my hands to think about my issues with myself.

    I feel happy, and I know this will sound lame, when I come across random nice people. They seem interested in me and don't seem to hold the way I look against me. Basically I feel good when I'm pleasantly surprised, because I think then that I can't be as bad as I think I am. This will sound even more pathetic but I am also at my happiest when I'm in bed and imagine that I am someone else who has an awesome life.
    Hi OP, first of all well done on losing all the weight and best of luck with the rest! Secondly most people are quite insecure at some stage about themselves. You are young and if you make a conscious effort to work on your self esteem now it will improve gradually. There are loads of self help books out there, usually very large sections in bookstores, which goes to show how popular they are. Don't be scared of girls, most are very sensitive and are more conscious of themselves when speaking to people than what you look like. Practice pretending to be confident and it will occur naturally after a while. I'm 37 and have had similar issues and still do in some cases. If you really knew how little people thought about your imperfections then you wouldn't be as conscious of yourself. Best of luck

    Hey thanks for the reply. :)

    Buying a self help book is something that does be on my mind, but unfortunately I take every little criticism to heart. So when self help books come into the conversation I am cycnically shot down for believing in these self help guys.

    I wish I could be confident when it comes to talking to women. It's just that when I am out with my mates, I compare myself to them and I can't see why anyone would want to talk to me. They are good looking, young at heart and outgoing whereas I'm the complete opposite. I thought that when I started Uni it would be a fresh start because no-one would know me, but I dunno, people just seemed to settle into their cliques from the get go and I felt intimidated. Every person that I have befriended in Uni is because they were the ones who made the effort to get to know me.
    Congratulations on getting close to your target weight. Try not to let little things get you down, although I'm pretty guilty of that myself. Hope you start to realise what you have and the things you are lucky to have, which should help you with feeling better about yourself.

    Thanks for the reply. :) Yeah I know what you mean, but it's easier said than done. I feel like a right tool complaining about my life when there are so so many much much worse off than me. But I can't help feeling like this, I just don't have the mental belief to love myself.


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