How to over come panic attacks when seeing my ex?

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,

Got a bit of a problem as the title mention it-Tried to deal with it,changed my focus, kept busy,councelling, the no contact rule...etc almost everything in the book but still I got such panicks attacks when I see my ex-We've split up few years ago and didn't stay together too long but things never went well so the break up was "kinda" a relieve for me even though it hurt at the time-
We bump into each other as we go out sometimes in the same pubs, clubs...and I get so disturbed,scared and unhappy that after so long it's not funny anymore(not that I ever found it funny but at the start I thought it will pass) and would like this to stop or at least to be able to manage it-
If we talk it would only be the usual small talk, how are you, family,friends...and the only thing I wish is the conversation to stop and run away as far as I can...and it takes me a lot of energy to put myself back together and to focus in what is around me again...just don't think that is normal -I'm not in love or love my ex anymore...so why I feel this way?? just would like to be able to go out without fearing to meet my ex and get into the blank mode as I call it...

Not sure if anyone has an answer..but would like to know if anybody felt this way...

thanks for reading-would appreciate any suggestion...

Terodil

Sorry OP, but I cannot help but wonder why you talk to him at all. Why isn't he just air for you?

LegacyUser

Terodil wrote: »

Sorry OP, but I cannot help but wonder why you talk to him at all. Why isn't he just air for you?

i try to keep it short as much as I can...just want to be polite and civilize...

Terodil

blanckbrain wrote: »

i try to keep it short as much as I can...just want to be polite and civilize...

Why?

I don't think anybody would hold it against you if you didn't talk with your ex unless required, especially if you feel uncomfortable doing it. You shouldn't do anything trivial that you clearly dislike simply because it's expected from you (by who?). You can still be perfectly polite and civilised talking to other people.

I don't know what caused you to split up but I guess it was painful and he hurt you. In that situation I wouldn't even consider engaging in small talk, it achieves nothing and causes discomfort only.

LegacyUser

Terodil wrote: »

Why?

I don't think anybody would hold it against you if you didn't talk with your ex unless required, especially if you feel uncomfortable doing it. You shouldn't do anything trivial that you clearly dislike simply because it's expected from you (by who?). You can still be perfectly polite and civilised talking to other people.

I don't know what caused you to split up but I guess it was painful and he hurt you. In that situation I wouldn't even consider engaging in small talk, it achieves nothing and causes discomfort only.

Not that I have too...only if we past by each other, I wouldn't go over neither my ex will do it...but sometimes I just have some of my ex's friends looking at me quiet intensely and I hate that so instead of running away I kinda step up and say hello...either way it doesn't feel right-

The broke up happened cause a lot of mind games were played,lies and another ex involved(not mine) so was quiet hard at the time-tried to keep it cool but I believe i might have put up more than I thought I could handle at that time-took me more than 2 years to get myself together...it's jsut that little bit that I would like to sort out cause I don't want it to hunt me in new relationship-if it still bothering me when I meet my ex it's because something needs to get addressed but dunno what or why...

Terodil

I may be wrong here, it can be a myriad of things, but I really feel that you need to get rid of that feeling that *you* are required to do anything, and be it even talk, because your ex or your ex's friends expect it of you.

You are your own, independent person.

You make the choice who you talk with and who you don't talk with.

Forget about him, make a point of ignoring their expecting looks, and just talk with your own friends, walk off, anything, really practise doing what *you* *really* want. It may feel strange at first but you'll realise that it's going to get much easier very soon.

As soon as you don't have to strain any more to do it you'll have achieved true independence. I guess that'll go a long way to getting rid of that feeling you describe. Good luck!