Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Help Keep Boards Alive. Support us by going ad free today. See here: https://subscriptions.boards.ie/

Putting Dad in Care

  • 25-06-2009 12:29PM
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi,

    Not sure if this is the right forum for this but my Dad is still quite young and suffers from Demensia as a result of multiple strokes. We didnt know it was happening untill it was too late. We had no VHI or anything like that so all treatment and advice was through the public system.

    I was away for alot of it, and my mum was the one passing on what the next steps should be. She was never happy with him, he wasnt an easy person to live with, their marraige was long over and she was going to leave him before this happened. Its been years now and he is really bad, like an old man really. All that we are told is to give him a few different forms of medication, which he takes himself. He is still mobile, and talks but is not all there really and just watches tv. He makes a huge mess and swears at us alot. He also has trouble walking and fallen a few times and hurt himself and we have put him in temporary care a few times. He cant look after himself, I had to shave him the other day, mum avoids going home. But we work full time and cant always be there.

    My question is does anyone know if we can put him in full time care with no money? We can not afford a home, also we have been told he is too young to qualify. I have found such different information out there I dont know where to look. I think my mum is in denial about looking after him and I dont live at home but try to see him when I can. we cannot cope with him. I think we are all in denial about it to be honest. Its so bleak. I think if he is in care he would be looked after, around people and not alone at home.


Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 27 Mary42


    Hi

    Could you get a carer to come in and look after him? You may be able to claim dependant relative tax relief if you do get a full time carer (especially as he's unable to look after himself).

    Also mum is in a nursing home (she got dementia after a series of ministrokes) and we pay less than a thousand a month for her - I think she qualified a DDI scheme (not sure if the name is correct - I was told about it by a social worker when she was in hospital and the social worker got her into the nursing home she's now in). By the way you can claim tax relief on nursing home fees.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks Ill look into that.

    We have not long moved into a place after being on the housing list and I think mum may have him on some list for care but just feeling at a loose end today as I am only recently realising how much more we should be doing and how in denial mum is.

    A carer coming to the home is probably more affordable at the moment.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,085 ✭✭✭Xiney


    Perhaps you could visit citizens information and look into getting your dad a Social Worker?

    It sounds like a hugely toxic situation for your mother to be stuck in.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Talk immediately to a social worker and do not take no for an answer. Despite the fact taht your dad has no vhi he is entitled to care. He may have to go into a public nursng home however there are rarely any spaces availble - he is then entitled to be put into a private home subsidised by the state. As far as I am aware means testing applies.

    Alternative is to put him into a hospital and refuse to take him out. I know this sounds harsh but my mother had Parkinsons - needed 24 hour care and we put her into a private nursing home and ended up paying €40k a year until she passed away. We spent 2 1/2 years trying to get subvention etc but to no avail until eventually we really started to kick up.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,073 ✭✭✭sam34


    your gp should be able to assist you with this.

    you can apply for subvention and enhanced subvention, which is when the state subsidise the cost of a nursing home bed. some of your fathers pension might be used also (althoigh im not 100% sure on that issue).

    has your father been seen by a geriatrician or an old age psychiatrist? if he has, either of those should have access t what is called a "placement coordinator" who could help with the forms etc. if he hasnt been seen by either specialist, ask your gp for a referral.


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks for all the advice guys, I appreciate it. Its good to hear from people who had slightly similar situations with parents, I dont know anyone personally that has.

    I will do all those things. I know mum has talked to social workers and he has been to our GP many times and goes to hospital once a month to check his blood pressure. We tried to get him physio numerous times, and it was always stopped and we were told he wasnt eligible. He goes to Open House (a free support type group where they have group activities for stroke patients)sometimes and they pick him up and drop him back.

    But he can be stubborn and has checked himself out of hospital. He still goes out on public transport. He also seemed to think he could drive still so mum had to hide her keys, there is no way he can. But I doubt he would have gotten the car out of reverse if he ever made it that far.

    We had him in a respite for two weeks. He says everyone was crazy in there and wanted to leave! he joked that he was the bright young spark, so he still has a sense of humor. I did notice it was better on the whole family while he was in there, I would visit hima nd he had alot more to say and we chatted as opposed to him silent in front of the tv at home.

    But he definitely should be in full time care. He fell over and broke his right hand a few months ago.

    He is due pension soon I think, we will put that into care for him but if we were to use that for full time care it wouldnt last that long. We moved countries alot growing up so its not as much as it could be. Also when he was having the strokes, we didnt know about it, he worked for himself and we lost the business and money etc. so that impacted our situation greatly. No savings, owed tax etc.

    Anyway its all taking its toll on mum and she is so withdrawn at the moment in regard to him. I think as you say we will need to be more forceful and not take no for an answer. I think we have been burying our head in the sand a bit.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,441 ✭✭✭Firetrap


    Make contact with your GP and get your dad into the system. Perhaps you might need to take some of the initial steps without your mum being involved. It can be horrible facing into the hell of what you're looking into. We've got a case of early onset dementia in our family and the local public health nurse has been a knight in shining armour to us as have the staff who work in the day care centre.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I'm sorry to hear of the stress you are under and could not read and not reply. I'm a social worker working in this area so deal with families in similar situations on a daily basis. As the last poster said, the first stop is your GP to get your Dad referred to a Consultant Geriatrician or Psycho Geriatrican for specialist treatment. This can be difficult if your Dad is uner 65 years but should be done if possible. His medication can be reviewed etc. It would be useful to keep a diary of his behaviours which is useful for tracking changes, increases in unusual behaviours, agressiveness, agitation, wandering etc. Any changes in medication may impact on behaviours and the Doc may need to increase/ decrease levels accordingly.
    In relation to supporting you and your mum at home, regular respite care will be vital for you to get breaks to continue caring. Not all respite settings might suit him or it may take time for him to get used to a new environment. You can apply to the HSE for a Home Care Package which essential means they will award you with a certain amount of hours of care following an assessment if your parents means of less than 30k. This will allow you to get carers in to the home when you feel would help you and your mum. Your Public Health Nurse should be able to help you in making the application. There are long waiting lists at the moment but they vary depending on where you are living.
    If you feel he needs long term care immediately, the only solution is to have him admitted to Hospital where he can be listed for long term care. This is difficult for people with Dementia as a lot of times they are not sick and don't require admission so it is a battle for families to get them admitted. He may wait for many months to get a bed which will be in a public facility or a publicly funded bed in a private nuring home aka DDI bed as other poster mentioned.
    The only other alternative is to apply to the HSE for a subvention which is bascially a grant towards cost of care, normally about 300 euro per week while the cost of care can vary between 800-1200 euro.
    Speak to your PHN or hospital social worker if he is attending as an outpatient and they should be able to give you more advice specific to the support options available in the area you are living in.
    Best of luck, i know its not easy.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thank you so much for taking the time to post that reply. I have printed up all the comments from this thread and am looking into it so hopefully we can sort something to get a better situation for us all.

    Thanks again x


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Might be worth contacting some of the organisations that deal with acquired brain injuries (Headway and Peter Bradley come to mind) as they provide some residential places and your father may be suitable.


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I have a lot of personal experience in this exact area.

    my dad got dementia at a very young age and has since passed away. we cared for him at home which wasnt easy. the hse proved quite good in this.

    we had a carer come for 3 hours in the morning but to be honest he needed a lot more care than this which we did. there are local institutions that will accept him. we were lucky in that dad had vhi but as far as I am aware you will be looked after.


    get in touch with your local alzheimers support unit. although it isnt exactly this that your dad has. they are brilliant and will provide an amazing level of support. also get in touch with the carers assosiation they will be able to give you help and asnwer all of your above questions.

    try be patient with your dad. his mood is more than likely as a result of his illness. it took me years to come to terms with the fact that this affects my dads personality and to accept this.


    good luck. I hope you are okay.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks for that.

    I am ok thanks. We are close as a family which helps.

    I sometimes wish I had have known what the signs of the strokes were earlier, or if we had realised what was happening to him. We were clueless and just thought he was acting strange. I wonder if we had have gotten him help earlier could the next round of strokes been prevented or could we have stopped the dementia at an earlier stage? He was so intelligent and articulate, its so sad to see him unable to finish a sentence now, or how vacant he looks sometimes.

    But I guess that is life.

    Thanks for all the posts guys.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hey there, sorry to hear of your situation. I can't offer better advice than whats been given on your dad, but make sure you look after yourself too. You might not be feeling it now with so much on your plate, but the stress of this in the long term could cause you havoc in the future if left unchecked. Samaritans might be a good call even just to vent, or your GP should be able to recommend affordable housing. Very tough situation, couldn't imagine it myself. Hang in there.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks for that last comment. I am fine, I try to clear my mind when I can and talk to certain people whom I am close to when I need to. I know this is part of life, so many people have bad things happen to them and their family. I appreciate all these comments, and might post again when I have something more postive sorted.


Advertisement