It's Hell Living At Home - Need Help Please

LegacyUser

I've just moved back into the family home and my brother is a nightmare and is making it very difficult for me. I've gone through losing a job, bf broke up with me and the icing on the cake is having to move back home. I'm only there a few weeks and I'm trying to get myself back on track mentally as my self confidence has been really shattered over the last few months and I'm just feeling worse about myself having to move back home after ten years.

I'm thinking I have to move out before I go nuts and I've seen a nice flat today and I'd be much happier there but as I'm not earning I'll be in a bad way money wise.

So my question is do I stay and stick it out and continue feeling sh*t about myself and my brother making me feel like a second class citizen or get my own place and struggle with money in the hope that I get a job asap but at least I have some self respect in that I've my own place and try to heel post breakup. I'm getting the dole so thats a help.

Please help and thank you.

Sarah W

A happy, or at least stress free, home space is so important - especially if you are not working and therefore have to spend a lot of time there. Have you thought about renting a room? There must be lots to choose from at the moment and cheaper than renting a place on your own.

Firetrap

If you're on the dole, you'll surely qualify for rent allowance. Life's too short for what you're going through. Move out. Even just to share with others.

taram

Could you even spend a night or two a week at a friends just to give yourself a break from your house? If your parents are in the house too could you not talk to them to get your brother off your case?

Overheal

I wouldnt be in a rush to rack up bills with no job, myself. keep it on the table as a last resort.

Toots

taram wrote: »

Could you even spend a night or two a week at a friends just to give yourself a break from your house? If your parents are in the house too could you not talk to them to get your brother off your case?

+1, if it's your parent's house, then they really should have a word with him and tell him to cop on. What age is he?

Also, as others have said if you really do need to get out, look for a house share as opposed to a whole apartment, it'd work out much cheaper, and you'll be living with other people so you won't be at home on your own. It'd help take your mind off things if there were others there to have a bit of craic with.

LegacyUser

Hi OP here

I still have this terrible problem and I'm really getting down about it now.

My brother is in his mid 30s and its just my dad here and he doesn't want to say anything to him. Its a weird situation which I can't even go into.

I don't like the idea of doing a house share as I've never lived with strangers before and I'm not in a great place emotionally to get into that I don't think and I have a pet too so that could be a problem as well.

I'm in my late 20s and I've been away from home for years and I'm on medication to help deal with all this and I feel like its the lowest of the low being back at 'home'.

I really just wanna move out but the money aspect is sh1t.

Slow Motion

OP if you can't move out your only other option is to stand up to your brother and tell him to cop on to himself. Maybe you should sit your dad down and tell him exactly how your brother is making you feel, maybe he doesn't realise how bad the situation is.

Varkov

Ask your brother why he's still living at home in his mid-30's.

he obviously hasn't matured at all if he's still there and that he's acting like a bickering child.

Chin up

Sarah W

Having a pet isn't necessarily a problem - I used to actively look for lodgers with a dog as company for mine! Surely living with strangers (who won't be strangers for long) is better than having to take medication to cope with living at home?

Have a look at daft and don't take the first place you look at - you may not only find a great place to live but a whole new circle of friends. Negativity will get you nowhere.

philologos

Unregistered wrote: »

I've just moved back into the family home and my brother is a nightmare and is making it very difficult for me.

OP: Sounds like a very difficult situation alright. Would you mind elaborating on how your brother is making your life difficult? This might be a terrible idea, but I think no matter how tedious it is, try to remain calm enough to discuss with him and tell him that he isn't treating you fairly and that he has no right to treat you the way that he currently does.

Unregistered wrote: »

I've gone through losing a job, bf broke up with me and the icing on the cake is having to move back home. I'm only there a few weeks and I'm trying to get myself back on track mentally as my self confidence has been really shattered over the last few months and I'm just feeling worse about myself having to move back home after ten years.

Again, that can't be easy, and it just makes me wonder why on earth your brother is treating you this way after all that you have been through. As for self-confidence, I think many of us know how difficult it is to regain confidence after going through a sequence of tough times. I can't help but feel that your family, your brother included should be supportive of you.

Unregistered wrote: »

I'm thinking I have to move out before I go nuts and I've seen a nice flat today and I'd be much happier there but as I'm not earning I'll be in a bad way money wise.

I know that this situation is hard, but do not dig a deeper hole for yourself with financial worries at the same time. However, keep yourself active on the job front, I know it's a tough economic time and the like, but if you do get a job, I would certainly encourage you to get the lease of freedom you seem to need.

Unregistered wrote: »

So my question is do I stay and stick it out and continue feeling sh*t about myself and my brother making me feel like a second class citizen or get my own place and struggle with money in the hope that I get a job asap but at least I have some self respect in that I've my own place and try to heel post breakup. I'm getting the dole so thats a help.

OP, from what I know, I would advise you to stick it out until you can find a job. Try to get out of the house as much as possible if even for a walk, or to meet up with some friends with yours. I personally think that if I was living in a situation like yours spending some time to think things over by yourself is a good idea.

I'm interested to know more detail about your brother and what exactly he is doing to make you feel this way if that isn't too much bother for you to discuss mind.

I hope that you get a job ASAP too, it seems like you are quite flustered in your current situation.

Good luck

LegacyUser

Jakkass wrote: »

OP: Sounds like a very difficult situation alright. Would you mind elaborating on how your brother is making your life difficult?

OP here

I think my brother is kinda suffering himself actually. He's just not happy at all and obviously can't stand on his own two feet. I really can't go into too much detail but he creates a dreadful atmosphere in the house and its very uncomfortable. I've been avoiding him as much as possible so that helps. There's no talking to him at all though so thats out.

Jakkass wrote: »

I know that this situation is hard, but do not dig a deeper hole for yourself with financial worries at the same time. However, keep yourself active on the job front, I know it's a tough economic time and the like, but if you do get a job, I would certainly encourage you to get the lease of freedom you seem to need.

I think you're dead right on that score. I literally could get myself into a whole heap of debt if I get an apartment. I'm so tempted but I'm really gonna try to hold off. Once I get a job, I'll be so sorted. It'll be great actually. I'm looking really hard for this.

I might have a quick look in daft at sharing houses just to see whats there. I have to try to stay positive and keep my chin up.....its bloody hard though.

Thanks everyone and especially Jakkass. Its a great help xxx.

philologos

Unregistered wrote: »

I think my brother is kinda suffering himself actually. He's just not happy at all and obviously can't stand on his own two feet. I really can't go into too much detail but he creates a dreadful atmosphere in the house and its very uncomfortable. I've been avoiding him as much as possible so that helps. There's no talking to him at all though so thats out.

No problem about the detail. This is all the background I really need. I know you probably have already done this, but there are two paths you can go down here and I would advise that you do.

1) Ask your mother or father to have a word with him, or try to assist him with his problem or if it is suitable to your case, bring him to a professional that can help him out.

2) Ask a friend of his to have a word with him, sometimes parents aren't the best people to bring to the frontline. Perhaps they have noticed a change in him too and perhaps they are as concerned as you are.

I'm merely saying this OP, because I think it may be better for both you and your family if the atmosphere can be sorted out. My reasoning is this, and you might consider it a bit strange but hear me out:

You may be able to leave your brother and the annoyance of your situation, but your parents may still have to bear it after you are gone. For both you and for him I can't help but feeling its best if you can tackle it head on.

At the same time OP, due to your own personal frustration you may find this hard to do, or you may lack motivation. However I think it's probably the best course of action.

Unregistered wrote: »

I think you're dead right on that score. I literally could get myself into a whole heap of debt if I get an apartment. I'm so tempted but I'm really gonna try to hold off. Once I get a job, I'll be so sorted. It'll be great actually. I'm looking really hard for this.

I know it might be hard OP, but it really is better for you and it will save you a lot more stress and strain on top of what you have to deal with right now.

Unregistered wrote: »

I might have a quick look in daft at sharing houses just to see whats there. I have to try to stay positive and keep my chin up.....its bloody hard though.

Yeah, sharing might be a good idea. I can agree with you totally that you need your space and your freedom. If you could get that that would be such a weight off your back. It's the affording part that's the issue, and I wish you the best of luck in finding a job soon.

Unregistered wrote: »

Thanks everyone and especially Jakkass. Its a great help xxx.

I'm here to try