I don't get it

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,

Going unreg for this one as i don't want to cause trouble for anyone if im found out....

Basically the story is as this.....

I have a friend, a girl, who is 18. She has been with her boyfriend for around 7 months and they are an absolute perect fit together. Now, he is 25, but that really doesn't matter to them or to any of their friends, some of whom are mutual. Thing is, she has begun to stay at his place and her parents are hitting the roof over it, saying its not normal for an 18 year old girl to stay with her boyfriend, and her mother tells her she is acting like a slut and cheapening herself and making herself too easy and that he has no respect for her and is just using her....

My question is, is it actually abnormal for an 18 year old girl to stay at her boyfriends house?? Or is it common in this day and age??

From my own point of view i dont see it as being that big a deal, but then again maybe i'm just incredibly liberal.

Anyway, thank for reading and i look forward to your answers

MizzLolly

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi Guys,

Going unreg for this one as i don't want to cause trouble for anyone if im found out....

Basically the story is as this.....

I have a friend, a girl, who is 18. She has been with her boyfriend for around 7 months and they are an absolute perect fit together. Now, he is 25, but that really doesn't matter to them or to any of their friends, some of whom are mutual. Thing is, she has begun to stay at his place and her parents are hitting the roof over it, saying its not normal for an 18 year old girl to stay with her boyfriend, and her mother tells her she is acting like a slut and cheapening herself and making herself too easy and that he has no respect for her and is just using her....

My question is, is it actually abnormal for an 18 year old girl to stay at her boyfriends house?? Or is it common in this day and age??

From my own point of view i dont see it as being that big a deal, but then again maybe i'm just incredibly liberal.

Anyway, thank for reading and i look forward to your answers

Everyone is different OP. I think with something like this it isn't helpful to try and generalise the situation according to the girls age. Everyone has different boundaries and (from what I gather from your post) this girl is living with her parents so is expected to adhere to her mother's idea of what's 'right' for a girl of 18 to be doing.

For what it's worth, she's been with this guy for 7 months, she's hardly a 'slut'!

useful_contacts

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi Guys,

Going unreg for this one as i don't want to cause trouble for anyone if im found out....

Basically the story is as this.....

I have a friend, a girl, who is 18. She has been with her boyfriend for around 7 months and they are an absolute perect fit together. Now, he is 25, but that really doesn't matter to them or to any of their friends, some of whom are mutual. Thing is, she has begun to stay at his place and her parents are hitting the roof over it, saying its not normal for an 18 year old girl to stay with her boyfriend, and her mother tells her she is acting like a slut and cheapening herself and making herself too easy and that he has no respect for her and is just using her....

My question is, is it actually abnormal for an 18 year old girl to stay at her boyfriends house?? Or is it common in this day and age??

From my own point of view i dont see it as being that big a deal, but then again maybe i'm just incredibly liberal.

Anyway, thank for reading and i look forward to your answers

when i was 17 i was dating a 24 year old and it was never an issue with my parents. Her folks are prob just worried he might just be looking for sex from her.

Have the parents met him yet?

Senna

First off are you a parent? You might have a liberal view when its other people, but a different view if its your own child.


If the girls moved out of home, then its her choice to stay were she wants, but if she still living at home and just stay at the fellas house a few nights a week then i can understand why the parents are angry, its not what they want her to do. It doesn't really mater if she 18 and technically an adult, she should respect her parents wishes if she wants to live at home.
If thats not the case, she should still respect her parent wishes to a certain extent. I wouldn't say lying to parents is a good thing, but me and my friends would have just said we're staying in X's house, then stay at a partners house and there will be no hard feeling. The parents are just looking after her best interest, not just being strict for the sake of it.

LegacyUser

useful_contacts wrote: »

when i was 17 i was dating a 24 year old and it was never an issue with my parents. Her folks are prob just worried he might just be looking for sex from her.

Have the parents met him yet?

Hi, OP here.....

Yes the parents have met him, she said they got on quite well until her mother discovered her pill and told her that she should not have gone to get the pill without consulting them. I would imagine that is their main problem, that they think he is only using her for sex but i can assure you this guy is absolutely crazy about her.

She has said the father point blank accussed him of forcing her to sleep with him too, and that he put her on the pill and such nonesense like that, and that he was very aggressive and threathening towards her bf after the finding of the pill etc....

Eun

Well IMO it differs from girl to girl. My lil sister is 20 and shes seeing a 30yr old due to the fact that shes really mature for her age and they are great together. I would say its normal in this day and age.

Smcgie

Hi OP. IMO this is quite common and i see no harm in it as long as they are realistic and mature.

I must add, if you think back 30-40 years ago most people were getting married at 18 never mind staying over in each others houses.

LegacyUser

I'm 26, GF is 19. No problem with the staying over, from what I can see.

The pill fiasco was a little odd though. Surely a parent would be relieved that their daughter is being conscientious when it comes to contraception? As opposed to chastising her over it.

sachamama

it sounds like the parents don't want their girl to grow up. 18 is a responsible age to be having sex and it sounds like she is taking responsibility by being on the pill. its a pity her parents are not respecting this and still treating her like she is 16. inevitably she will choose the boyfriend over the parents and life will be difficult for everyone for the next few years.

and i just want to respond to this comment "It doesn't really mater if she 18 and technically an adult, she should respect her parents wishes if she wants to live at home." What does technically an adult mean? and if she is an adult, then being told she has to spend every night at home is tantamount to grounding her, yet they should not have that authority over an adult. Possibly asking her to let them know where she is if she is not coming home would be more reasonable, so they are not worried about her.

kittenkiller

Unregistered wrote: »

The pill fiasco was a little odd though. Surely a parent would be relieved that their daughter is being conscientious when it comes to contraception? As opposed to chastising her over it.

Or that she could be ignoring the possibility of STD's ect.?

Sounds like your firends parents are overreacting to the situation but their house, their rules.

CDfm

Its inevitable but as a parent what you think of is how the child will handle it emotionally as well as the risks.

A friend of mines 18 yo son is marrying his 18 yo G/F who gave birth a few months back.

So much for modern society.

Noffles

Like someone above has pointe out, sounds like they don't want her to grow up.....!!

mrDerek

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi Guys,

if im found out....



I have a friend, a girl, ...

is this girl you

by the by nothing wrong with an 18 yr old stayin in her fellas place.tho if she/you were 16 ye maybe it would be a bit messed up lol

Overheal

I wish my mother had said that to my sister. But no, apparently nobody cared enough and she has been living in serial mynogomy since she was 15. At this point though (19) its totally on her shoulders. Same in the OP case. The parents can do whatever they want in terms of leverage this/that etc. but they have no real right to dictate what she does anymore.

Personally I dont think much of it. It breeds dependency.

LegacyUser

mrDerek wrote: »

is this girl you

by the by nothing wrong with an 18 yr old stayin in her fellas place.tho if she/you were 16 ye maybe it would be a bit messed up lol

Hi, OP here again.

No its definitely not me Her boyfriend is on boards and im kinda hoping he doesn't see this and figure it out.....

CDfm

Noffles wrote: »

Like someone above has pointe out, sounds like they don't want her to grow up.....!!

I dont think its about growing up as much as saying right can you deal with the downside by yourself if things go wrong. Do you have that maturity.

I know a teacher who is 26 who was in bits when her romance broke up ( a bit of a princess BTW) so I dont think there is a generic rule of thumb.