Brother's suicide

LegacyUser

My brother killed himself yesterday and I am just devastated. I know it seems silly to post on a message board after something like this but I need somewhere to let it out.

I'm just wondering has this happened to anyone else and how did you cope? He was my baby brother, I loved him to bits and I just can't believe it happened. Everyone loved him, he had loads of friends, he never showed any signs of depression.

I am so worried about my parents, they found him and now they have to stay in that house. It's not right that they have to say goodbye to their son. I'm not at home yet (I live abroad and will go home tonight) so I don't know what to do.

Sorry for unloading this here.

LegacyUser

i know exactly how you feel, my dad committed suicide and my mam found him, you and your folks will be very numb for a while but fro my own experience, talking and prayer helps alot, mind yourself, its going to be tough but you can learn to live with it

mobius42

There is no need to apologise for wanting to talk to someone about this, it's only natural and that's what this forum is for.

I've never lost anyone close to me through suicide so I can't even begin to know how you're feeling. All I can do is offer my condolences.

BarnhallBull

OP I've never lost anyone very close to me to suicide, but there have been a number of suicides in my area recently, Including a girl I went to school with and the young son of a family friend, and I've witnessed the devestating effect it's had on those affected.

I cannot begin to understand what you're feeling, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, look after each other, you'll get through this

LegacyUser

Thanks for all your words of support.

I am trying to talk it out here with my boyfriend, hopefully it helps a bit.

Nevyn

Sorry for your loss, it's one of those things which you many never have the real answer for. There are suppot groups out there for those effected by someone close to them ending thier own life.

Providing support to those bereaved by suicide

Console
Helpline: 01-8574300 , 1800 201 890 www.console.ie info@console.ie

Living Links
Phone: 087-9693021 www.livinglinks.ie

LegacyUser

I lost my older brother last year to a massive hearth attack at 28 years old, it has devastated my whole family including myself, Ive stayed strong on the outside but it hurts like hell in the inside but i stayed strong for my family because i didnt want my family falling apart.

May your brother rest in peace.

You'll never walk alone.

RossFixxxed

I just want to add a couple of things. Sorry for the impersonal nature here (believe me I emphatise)

Do NOT turn to drink/pot/drugs.
Professionals will be a MASSIVE help.
Your friends and family are an essential support to you as YOU are to them!

BarnhallBull

I have to echo what ROSS said, although i've never lost anyone to suicide, I'm still very raw from the death of the person I loved most in the world, and one of the first things we (the people who loved her) promised each other was that going down the alcohol/drugs route was absolutely not the way to deal with this.

Look after your parents as much as you can, but let other people look after you too, you'll each have days where you feel absolutely devestated, and in the months to come, some days where you feel slightly stronger, just stick together and take care of each other:(

LegacyUser

Thanks for all your support. Can't use the thanks button cos I'm unregistered.

Thanks Thaedydal for posting those links. I looked at them and I think they might help. I feel in the numb stage now.

RossFixxed and BarnhallBull, I've never been the least into drink and drugs so I don't think I would ever turn to them. But I do worry about my siblings. My sister is very lonely anyway and my other brother used to suffer from depression so I am worried about how they are coping. So yeah as family we will need to be there to support each other. I feel a bit guilty for being over here and not to be at home to help them, I don't want them to think I'm not bothered (I know rationally that is stupid because i can't physically be home til tomorrow but still). And then when its over I'll have to back over here again.

LegacyUser

Thanks sunflower27 (you posted after me). Don't worry about rambling, I know it's hard to find the things to say to bereaved people (I was the same before this too)

I think talking to a counsellor is a good idea, you're right. Cos anyone I am close enough to talk to about this is also dealing with it themselves.

Anyway it's good to know I have this place to post my feelings. Thanks again.

Bull76

Hi,

Sorry for your loss, As they say it get's easier with time. I had an uncle who commited suicide. Our two families were very close. It changed a lot of things. But talking to each other at different stages helped alot. Just informal conversation's nothing to regimental. As it is a lot to deal with and it will take time for your family to come out of there shell and say something. Bring it up and see if there willing to talk. Don't be pressurised as if you have to bring it up with them. We all eventually talk about it at very different timescales.
Try not to allow this tragic event to change what you have together as a family. Build your bond stronger and if some one needs to talk just listen. Same as you'll you need to talk and express your anger, disbelieve, loss. It's hard, you'll always remember and miss them.
Keep your head high and live life.

purplekitty

i've been affected my suicide in my family too

and i would love if you would pm me and talk there.
i know what your going through, and i will be here to talk, when ever you need to x

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I came across your post yesterday morning, and my first thought was that you must be going through hell. My second thought was thank god I've never lost anyone close to me to suicide, it must be so horrible.

Well, yesterday afternoon I got the phonecall that one of the lads from college has taken his own life. He was one of my best friends, one of the best guys I've ever known ... and from what I know of him, and from what you've said, I'm pretty certain it's your brother.

I just can't come to terms with it. He was genuinely the happiest most laid-back person I know, nothing fazed him. I was chatting to him just a few days ago and he seemed absolutely fine.

I know you all doted on him as the baby of the family, and he loved you all so much. I wish I could give you some words of comfort or advice, but I just don't know what to say.

He'll really be missed.

snowy2008

its really tough to talk about it, especially if all around you are dealing with it too, i had a very close relative commit suicide and im still in bits, i find talking here helps..i know how your feeling, your not alone x

seachto7

I have also been affected by it (Family and friends of mine)

The best you can do is be there for your folks. It's hard enough for a parent to lose their child, but under the circumstances, it's harder again. Be there for them. They will be there for you. Talk. Talk. Talk to people. Don't bottle it up.
Talk to friends and family about anything. Whatever gets you through. Hard as it is to believe, you will come out the other end of this far stronger.

LegacyUser

Very sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my own brother to suicide.
The feelings you are having at the moment are very normal. There is no immediate answer, or even a longer term one. Do seek help if you need it. Continue to put one foot on front of the other, and I wish you and your family every good thought.

curly wurly

hi-

I'm so sorry about your loss.

I'd advise you to contact console as they are great and help people who have been bereaved thru sucide.

www.console.ie

or Living linls which has a support group and help you deal with the aftermath of a sucide- both practical and emotional support.

www.livinglinks.ie


check them out as they will be very useful and help you thru your grief.

don't go thru this alone

LegacyUser

My wife lost her brother at 28 (asthma attack) so I can feel you pain to whatever degree that allows me to.

The only thing I can say is that it brought their family together so much more since then.

Just remember him and try do what is best for you and your family

So so sorry.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

So sorry for the shock of your brother committing suicide, What is it like to receive news so unexpected? like the world must have stopped for you!

It is great that you have a boyfriend because he will be your comfort and support right now, use it to the fullest, also the angels will come to your side.

Sending you love and support xxx

LegacyUser

ripj wrote: »

Hi OP,

I came across your post yesterday morning, and my first thought was that you must be going through hell. My second thought was thank god I've never lost anyone close to me to suicide, it must be so horrible.

Well, yesterday afternoon I got the phonecall that one of the lads from college has taken his own life. He was one of my best friends, one of the best guys I've ever known ... and from what I know of him, and from what you've said, I'm pretty certain it's your brother.

I just can't come to terms with it. He was genuinely the happiest most laid-back person I know, nothing fazed him. I was chatting to him just a few days ago and he seemed absolutely fine.

I know you all doted on him as the baby of the family, and he loved you all so much. I wish I could give you some words of comfort or advice, but I just don't know what to say.

He'll really be missed.

I think it must be him. Thanks for your message. I haven't been on the internet till now with the funeral and everything so maybe I saw you yesterday, because lots of the lads were there. I never even knew he had so many friends! I feel really bad for all the people he knew in college, because ye loved him too. So I hope that ye are all talking to each other and letting your grief out because ye need to do that too. Something as well that helps is that every single person we saw over that last few days only has good memories of him, like his smiley face! At the moment it's hard but we are getting comfort from talking about our memories of him. Also my mum would like all his friends from college to stay in touch with us because we all have stories to share about him.

LegacyUser

Hi OP

I have no experience of anything like this but I was in tears reading your last post - you are being so brave. I just want to give my condolences & best wishes to you & your family and your brothers friends. He sounds like he was a lovely person.

LegacyUser

ive had two friends commit suicide over the yrs . after the 2nd i drank alot and got seriously down myself dont do this im sorry for ur loss. talk to some one about it.. the samaritians are very good. i'm crying after reading your post its brought back so many memories but time is a healer thats for sure.

Reflector

A good friend of my sister killed himself this week. She's known him since they were young teens and it was a shock. I've met him socially and he was a lovely guy with lots of friends and was well liked.
I don't know his details but everyone knew that he had issues which he was trying to deal with. He had almost all the help that he could have had and yet he felt this was his only option. I know he'll be sorely missed by many people and it seems so tragic that people look to this as a way out.
I know it's not the person in this thread and I'm so very sorry for your loss and I hope your family can get through it.

philologos

OP: I don't think I can help you or your parents to somehow deal with this as if it didn't happen. However, a friend of mine committed suicide when he was 15 years old. Seeing the effects was just a testament to how much one single life can touch so many others. His parents were absolutely devastated, and he only left a note to his parents. Of course I never knew what this note said nor do I particularly want to know to this day. At the funeral, it was just so sad. Friends of his were crying as were his parents and family no doubt. The church was totally full. I just remember being there and thinking, what if he saw how many people were in this church to remember his life.

It's going to be hard OP, no doubt about that. You and your family will never be the same. I think after time the pain of the memory might become something which you will be comfortable to recollect, but no doubt it will always be a sad event.