I'm so shy

LegacyUser

Over the past year my confidence has hit rock bottom and ive become painfully shy.I used to be so confident and would be up for anything but now I can hardly walk into a shop without wanting to hide behind someone.I find it very hard to talk to people that Im not close to and I find small talk impossible.I dont know how Im going to get over this and become the bubbly old me again.The way I am now is seriously restricting me and Im so scared that Im going to become a recluse because the only time Im really comfortable is when Im at home.Has anyone else gone through the same sort of thing and made it out the other side?And how did you buid up your confidence?

Xiney

alantc, please have a read of the forum charter before posting again.

infracted.

Xiney

LegacyUser

you have got to ask yourself what happened to make you loose so much of your confidence, i know you said you were in home a lot, but there is probably an underlying reason for your problem,
the same thing happened to me, i broke up with my girlfriend and gained some weight, i then found it very hard to get another woman which affected my confidence badly, the most important thing is that you dont let yourself obsess about this, mike is right, the best thing to do is to set yourself a goal at the beginning of the day and make sure you accomplish it

LegacyUser

Feel the fear and do it anyway!!!

Easier said than done, I know but like the others said, set goals. Baby steps will get you there. A blow to your confidence can be a tough thing to recover from and it's not going to happen overnight, it will take time but you can get there with a bit of effort from yourself.

Spending a lot of time at home and on your own would cause anyone to start getting reclusive. Even if you start with going out for coffee/lunch/drinks with various friends during the week, it'll get you out of the house and begin to get you out of yourself.

Even if you keep a quick log of how you feel, what you're scared to do and as the weeks progress and you do more and more things and get more confident, to read back over it, you'll be amazed what progress you've made by just doing small things

LegacyUser

I'm only recently coming out of this kind of situation - I used to always feel awkward in social / public situations and preferred my own company at home but have found a weekly regiment of excercise is really bringing me out of myself.

I used to feel very inadequate in the looks department but thanks to the workouts at least I know I'm actually doing something to improve that and my health. Don't get me wrong, I don't look like the back of a bus but once you are deep in your own little world you really can focus on the most minor of things about your looks / personality which affects how you think others perceive you as a person.

Also, if you are regularly drinking or using drugs at home try to knock that on the head as much as possible - they REALLY can bring you down and send you into yourself.

As always, counselling is your only man for discussing the specifics about your own personal reservations in relation to shyness - talking to someone neutral about these things really helps you decide the best course of action to counteract these issues preventing you from being yourself.

Best of luck OP, you will get there if you believe!

LegacyUser

I don't like to put labels on people but it sounds like you might have a touch of Social Anxiety brought to the surface by certain events that have happened to you. SA normally starts to affect people around the late teens, early 20's who would have been previously outgoing.

I might be totally wrong of course but hiding away at home and finding it difficult to walk into a shop is not just a lack of confidence. There is a deeper underlying reason that you need to address. The good news is that there is plenty of information out there on Social anxiety and many people with SA are only affected in certain social situations that can be quickly addressed.

I'm speaking from experience by the way and not preaching. I too was fairly outgoing in my teens but was crippled with anxiety and insecurity by the time i was 21. I got the help i needed to figure why i ended up becoming a recluse and was able to work on the underlying issues and am much better now.