Absolutley No Friends

LegacyUser

I'm 20 and in my second year of college and to sum it up, I have no friends.

I have a boyfriend, but he lives in Cork (We both go to NUIG) and I live in Dublin, and when I'm not with him, I'm on my own. I'm living at home, but have a bad relationship with one of my younger sisters and the others are too young to share common interests with me. I'm the oldest of 3 kids and I am going absolutley insane on my own, in the house, all day.

I've been thinking about it alot over the last week since I got back from Cork, where I was staying for a while with my bf, and I have never been able to hold down a friendship.
I had one friend through 5th and 6th class in primary school and she "dumped" me (for lack of a better term) once we hit 1st Year of school. I interchanged between groups of friends until 5th year and then had a close, but competitive relationship with 3 girls for fifth and 6th year.
These girls also grew to hate me and did horrible things to me after graduation and at the debs.
Again, I had only one friend then when I started college and things got a bit better then and I made a good few friends.
I met my boyfriend in Feb 2008 and made friends with his group of friends aswell, but then I started to lose my friends again and was left in May 2008 with just one friend and my boyfriend and his friends for company. Of course, bf moved back to Cork and I to Dublin and for the summer, I was completley reliant on this one girl to keep me company.
This year in college, things have gone from bad to worse and I am left now, this summer, with just my boyfriend, miles away, for company.

I don't know what to do.

Being in second year of college, everyone has established their groups already and it's very difficult to make new friends now. My main interests are those of the subjects I study, and the classes are so big that they are very cliquey.

I'm at a loss as to what it is about me that I cannot maintain a friendship and why people seem to hate me after a while. I'm even worried that my boyfriend is just hanging on because he knows how alone I am.

It's crippling to know that at the end of the day, if anything happened to me, or even if I broke up with my bf, I would have ABSOLUTLEY NOBODY to turn to outside my family. My birthday is on Friday and I'm just going to Cork, because there's nothing for me here. My heart is broken, I don't know what's wrong with me and I have absolutley nobody to talk to.

Any ideas what I could/should do?

R.D. aka MR.D

have you examined why the friendships ended/ when all is said and done was it their issues or yours?

i used to go through friends at a rapid rate and i used to blame them but then i realised i was an extremly negative person.

i had other friendships that ended simply because they had issues that i had no part in. i was just a pawn in their life problems.

I have a large group of friends now and how i did it was by just being positive. saying yes to any invitation to coffee or a party a million miles away. even when people are in little cliques you can still approach them and make conversation about positive topics, compliment them and ask them about themselves.

since its summer now the best thing you could probaly do other than get a job(soo hard rite now!) is volunteer. befriend anyone you meet young or old and see where it goes.

also examine what you expect of a friendship. as we get older the kind of friendships we have are different.

even if the friends you meet aren't texting you everyday or seeing you every week like school, doesn't mean they aren't your friends.

Lockstep

Boards beers?


The Galway people on boards are extremely sound, they have boards beers every so often and it's a great way of meeting people in Galway.


What are your interests? I met some great people in NUIG through charity work, politics and the debating society.

Bajingo

A similar thing happened to me my best friend turned against me when we got to first year and I went from having a lot of friends in primary to just one good friend at the start of secondary..it was a pretty bad time..and then a few good ones by the time i graduated..

Its not always easy but I dont think you should look at making new friends as a challenge..I dont know if this is how you see it but I did so when I first started college I was alone but I stepped out of my comfort zone and just approached everyone..even those I wouldnt usually..

I agree with R.D. aka MR.D..maybe think back to why your other friendships didnt last and get out there join a club or get a job and you'll meet loads of people:)
Also try patch things up with your sister problems are rarely as big as we make them out to be..

LegacyUser

Tom...

I spent 7 years of my life doing college and university, meeting new people day in day out, meeting new friends and losing others. I used to think bad of the people that didnt keep in touch with me from time to time, but we just had diffefent lives. I would say the most important thing i would stress with you, is that people are drawn to confidence. If you look confident, and show it, people feel more comfortable around you.

If you look in any way, uncomfortable, of worried in the company your in, you will exclude yourself. The more you notice that your being excluded, the more you show it, the more people pull away.

So, from now on, stop thinking about the negative, be confident and almost with a f''k it attitude to the things that bother you, the less you care, the more people will feel relaxed around you and will brng better results.

For example if you walked into class, threw your bag down, put your feet up on the table and chilled out makin a funny comment now again, as if you didn care too much, and were well relaxed, people would notice this more and find it more appealing, because people will always like things they see in you, that they would like to be in themslves, you get it? no one wants to look nervous and edgy, so they stay away from such, and draw more towards the oposite. Be the opposite and it will come, and if not, who cares cos your well chilled anyway. You see?

The last thing i would say to you is this, i know loads of people from all over, but only really have a couple of good friends at the most who really know me for who i am, thats it. One or two. So with the majority of people you meet, make lots of efort to be friendly and cool, just dont show the effort. and be open only with the ones who will know you best.

Alla...

Probably people you met before, they just werent the sort of people you relly need to be with in touch, and what you really want i to meet a person who will be your best friend ever.
Sometimes people think they have lots of friends, but if I really ask myself how many friends in total i have whom i can trust, whom i respect in all ways-i can count them on my fingers.

so my best advice to you-stay possitive, cheerfull and optimistic no matter what happens in your life, and if you are in love with ur bf-so, it means-you got your BEST FRIEND for sure!

LegacyUser

I probably could have written a similar post as your age.

One things I've learned as time goes on is that friends (girls anyway) dump each other, row or drift apart quite often. Some people just aren't meant to stay in your life that long and it isn't worry blaming yourself too much about. I've been dumped by some girls and never even got a reason, while others I've been friends with for 15 yrs. Not living in each others pockets helps.

When I was in college I was so afraid to not look cool that I wouldn't even go into the canteen at busy times. I'd sit at a table outside so that people could come to me, or I could look busy with notes. Ridiculous! Those groups you're talking about ARE NOT SET IN STONE at all, it just looks that. Chat when you go class, if somone isn't resposnsive forget about them. Don't ever judge others on if they're cool enough - so what if you make with the fat, the ugly or the boggers. As long as you make each other laugh its fine. After you've talked to someone twice is perfectly ok to walk up and say 'Can I join you?'

You only need one or two friends anyway. But its best to be friendly towards EVERYONE, don't be one of those girls who clings to one friend all through college (and then you fall out when you're 25 and have to start again!)

wylo

OP, alot of people move from friends to friends, but your situation seems strange. You seem to have fallen out with alot of people and I wonder are you doing something that doesnt bode well for your personality,e.g. give off the impression your using them, or maybe bitching about them to each other, or maybe always trying to out do them in certain ways.

Theres no way of us telling, so i think you might have to bite the bullet and get in contact with a few of them and ask them in a real honest manner whats wrong with you, or what have you done. Perhaps in an email or something so theyre not put on the spot.

The only girls I know that are like that are the ones that used be cruel to their friends,i.e. get with ex boyfriends of others, do loads of bitching, dump friends once a boyfriend comes along, use friends for a whileetc.

Ive seen it with some of my female friends, and of course they were always the "victim" in the stories.

oxygenman

hi,

dunno if im gonna get into trouble for saying this but have you tried a site called social circle, its free and a nice way to meet people for friendship, yappin etc,

hope it helps

oxygenman

ps to whoever is in charge, i dont know anyone who owns that site and have no input, just know a person who used it and liked it so please no warnings. thanks