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Bitchy atmosphere in work

  • 21-06-2009 3:04am
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Work is ok, not a fantastic job, not a terrible job - it's keeps me happy and pays the bills.

    Got on fine with everyone, am pretty easygoing.
    And while I was never realy into after work activities I can certainly sit down and chat with anyone in the office.

    Few people left a few months back and I was told I was getting moved to some team.
    Only they changed their mind and moved my teammate there instead.
    Ok, I was a bit put out at the time but it's not extra money, it's actually extra responsibility.
    So yep, I did exclaim at the time I was suprised and wasn't sure what had changed, but that was months ago and never mentioned it since. I only mentioned it once. I was personally disappointed but well done to her. I think I also said I wonder how I done something wrong and wondered did my supervisors reckon so.

    Whoh, I don't know how it was picked up, maybe she thought I was being bitter. I was personally disappointed but never mentioned anyone else at all. And don't begrudge anyone anything.

    Anyways, this girl barely talked to me since, realy bad atmosphere in work. Like if we have to pass a phonecall she either looks straight ahead or I get some cross look.
    Sly little digs like a card for someone leaving last week was being passed around to be signed. Just before I got it, she grabs it, signs it and passes it to the next person. And looks over and smirks. Eh, am I invisible? It was deliberate, I said nothing.

    Stupid small stuff like bringing in cake some days and emailing the entire office but me.

    Yep, you'll say it's just petty and I should ignore it. Gets me down that I get on great with everyone but the person I sit beside. Nearly gotten to the stage when I have to copy her teamleader on every email as I get smart replies back if not.

    You'll assume I said something terrible but what I wrote above is true. Seriously, has anyone gone months without talking to their person beside them bar work calls and emails?
    Realy, realy uncomfortable at work now.
    I did ask was there an issue between us or something we needed to work out, got ignored. As did my "good mornings" so now I don't bother.
    I don't expect to be buddies with everyone in word, could do with less of a bitchy atmosphere though.

    When we did get on she was like this to another lad and one other girl in the office, both have since left for different reasons. Gave out about them to me. I don't get involved in that, too easygoing and try to get on with everyone.

    Seem you get on her wrong side and it never changes. And it's my turn now!


Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    This is a form of bullying on her part & needs to be addressed. Try one more time to talk to her and sort it out between you. If it doesnt work, then you need to go to your supervisor. It might sound petty to them, but it is affecting you and is something that needs to be dealt with. You spend a lot of time in work and deserve to be able to do your job without this type of behaviour.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 28 yellowstar


    Id agree, work is hard enuf without someone blatantly being horrible

    Give her one more chance maybe tell her if not u will be forced to go to ur supervisor but u dont want to


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 560 ✭✭✭nicegirl


    I agree completely with the responses above. I have gone through the same crap at work, with one girl in particular, I tried to be friendly with her, I talked to her to see if I had done something wrong, and was made a good solid effort with her for a long time. I came to the stage where I was getting no where with her, and her attitude wouldn't change. The exact same thing as what you have stated above, a card would be going around when someone was leaving and I would be deliberately left out. If they were going out to lunch I was left out. At the breakfast table I was ignored. I knew I had done my best to try to resolve the situation, so I made a complaint to my manager about her and others as well.
    As it turned out my manager did nothing about my complaint, and then there was a whole load of problems with my manager and the way she was treating me. So, now after following employment procedures correctly etc, and after a long time, I am starting legal proceedings against my employer in the next while.

    My advice is you don't have to put up with that nonsense at work. If your collegue continues to be that way, make a complaint.
    Best of luck :)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    what you are describing is isolated bullying and harrassment at work. There area numberof identifiable accusations there that would be deemed as such, and copies of emails sent will be proof. if you so required, this would stand up in court, and you could sue the company for employee neglect at her expense, solicitors work this case every day and get paid for results. if it is as unnaceptable as it sounds and you have evidence as you claim, the you may be in line for a small payout or compensation, or getting her relieved of her position legally. maybee you should reply to her mail, and inform her of the process, that might sht her up. you can contact citizens advice in dublin, and copy and past a link to her detailing the defenition for bullying and harrassment at work and the consiquences. that should put her in her place, if not, sue her.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 560 ✭✭✭nicegirl


    what she needs to do is make a complaint to management about the situation, and have all emails, and incidents recorded. Management have a legal obligation to deal with the issue. Should nothing be done about it, the company are in breach of the Health, Safety and Welfare Act of 2005, and this would also make your place of work susceptable to vicarious liability. A person cannot sue a colleue for their behaviour, the complaint needs to go through the company, its the companys responsiblity to provide every employee with a safe place of work


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,259 ✭✭✭NickNolte


    Start keeping a diary of events, noting dates and times. Once you have a dozen or so items on your list, report her to the manager. If your manager refuses to take sufficient action, explain in no incertain times that it's causing you undue stress. Failing that, speak to a solicitor.

    Workplace bullies are scum. They should be cut down with the utmost severity and/or fired. Do not accept it.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 355 ✭✭greeneyedspirit


    I would definitely talk to your supervisor. She is bullying you, and it's a horrible situation to be in.
    I've been there myself, with a girl not talking to me (not even a hello or goodbye) for about six months - I went to my boss and complained about her.
    don't put up with this.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 419 ✭✭wasper


    Work is ok, not a fantastic job, not a terrible job - it's keeps me happy and pays the bills.

    Got on fine with everyone, am pretty easygoing.
    And while I was never realy into after work activities I can certainly sit down and chat with anyone in the office.

    Few people left a few months back and I was told I was getting moved to some team.
    Only they changed their mind and moved my teammate there instead.
    Ok, I was a bit put out at the time but it's not extra money, it's actually extra responsibility.
    So yep, I did exclaim at the time I was suprised and wasn't sure what had changed, but that was months ago and never mentioned it since. I only mentioned it once. I was personally disappointed but well done to her. I think I also said I wonder how I done something wrong and wondered did my supervisors reckon so.

    Whoh, I don't know how it was picked up, maybe she thought I was being bitter. I was personally disappointed but never mentioned anyone else at all. And don't begrudge anyone anything.

    Anyways, this girl barely talked to me since, realy bad atmosphere in work. Like if we have to pass a phonecall she either looks straight ahead or I get some cross look.
    Sly little digs like a card for someone leaving last week was being passed around to be signed. Just before I got it, she grabs it, signs it and passes it to the next person. And looks over and smirks. Eh, am I invisible? It was deliberate, I said nothing.

    Stupid small stuff like bringing in cake some days and emailing the entire office but me.

    Yep, you'll say it's just petty and I should ignore it. Gets me down that I get on great with everyone but the person I sit beside. Nearly gotten to the stage when I have to copy her teamleader on every email as I get smart replies back if not.

    You'll assume I said something terrible but what I wrote above is true. Seriously, has anyone gone months without talking to their person beside them bar work calls and emails?
    Realy, realy uncomfortable at work now.
    I did ask was there an issue between us or something we needed to work out, got ignored. As did my "good mornings" so now I don't bother.
    I don't expect to be buddies with everyone in word, could do with less of a bitchy atmosphere though.

    When we did get on she was like this to another lad and one other girl in the office, both have since left for different reasons. Gave out about them to me. I don't get involved in that, too easygoing and try to get on with everyone.

    Seem you get on her wrong side and it never changes. And it's my turn now!
    Yes it very annoying to be treated like this. But remember she is putting all her energy & efforts into trying to upset you. You have tried to to clear the air & she just missed the opportunity. So if you can hang on longer, she will tire & stop her antics. You might end up just working together with minimum work civility & less BS.


  • Posts: 0 Luis Drab Rambler


    My friend does this (silent treatment) with her boss and colleagues and doesn't see anything wrong with it, even after being called in to discuss it, she still thinks she's in the right. Some people are just too immature to behave like civil human beings to people they might not like. I agree that it is awful to be on the receiving end of something like this.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Let me update this thread.
    I read all your replies but didn't go to HR or management, possible from fear of being noted as a tattler.
    "Someone doesn't talk to you, so what?"

    I get on with eeeeeeveryone in the office. Mightn't go drinking with them but did get a spare ticket for Bruce Springstein at the weekend from one and we have a basketball weekend planned in Kilkenny with a few rival companies. Should be good craic.

    This girl sits on my right. Heading out for lunch, I look over out the window to see if it's raining, get a filthy look back. I'm looking out the window, not directly at you!
    Out of the entire floor, maybe 50 employees she is the only one to angle her PC, I mean it's angled away from me and she sits nearly facing me though she is beside me. Why? Am I going to stare at her monitor stealing secrets?

    Asked her a question today and asked did she need an attached email. Wow, the rant I endured about how she needed it.
    But my email was about " do you need it, I can do it for you, whatever is easiest and I don't mind, let me know either way". Tbh, if I attached the email I'll be moaned at for causing extra work and not offering to help. And I don't attach it and I get some other complaint.
    My teamleader cc'ed on all emails as usual.

    There is a company night out on July 23rd, comedy night I think.
    Yep, she is organizing it, yet 25 out of 26 employees got invited, guess who didn't??

    There was a time when I got on with this girl and had great chats. But she picks enemies, say the wrong sentence at the wrong time and six months later you feel uncomfortable looking past her out the window or fearful of asking a work related question.
    I'm not the first, I've seen others go through this but there are gone for different reasons.
    She isn't a manager, I earn more then here (barely) and have more experience.

    But yeah, she'll probably be a manager one day.

    She gets on a great with all my friends and teammates. Tbh If I quit in the morning, she'd pick a new enemy.
    It's been commented before, one the lads asked her what her problem was and was he a "work enemy" now and what had changed suddenly.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    If nobody else is joining in with her petty little games & if you can ignore her, then you should be OK. However if it is affecting your work and your enjoyment of work, then you need to report her to your supervisor. You are not telling tales as she is the one in the wrong. Speak to her once more & try to get her to say what her issue is, but if she doesnt & it is upsetting you, then please report her. You dont need to be nasty but just state the facts and how it is affecting you. Good luck!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,259 ✭✭✭NickNolte


    Keep giving her enough rope and she'll eventually hang herself.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    NickNolte wrote: »
    Keep giving her enough rope and she'll eventually hang herself.



    Too true, she is insecure and cant control herself she will eventually burn all her bridges

    Something i was told to do once and i dont know if youll be into it but when your in her company if you just poor white light all over her like concentrate on that image and you are around her, that may help diffuse the negative energy,

    and another thing i read in the book the secret about a gay guy who was being bullied in work and was always being atacked because he was gay, he had a unconscious belief that he was afraid all the time that people were ridiculing him and this became his reality,

    he started to affirm in his head and write out, I always surround myself with positive loving people, within a few months all the bullies had moved on quit or where moved to another office, apparently there is something that draws the energy together and if you change what she is picking up in you she may no longer be attracted to dumping on you,

    She is picking you because you are an easy target because you are so nice, she is taking your kindness for weakness.


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