Early Life Crisis?

LegacyUser

Hi,

I'm having a lot of problems over the past few years and kind of need to talk more than anything, but I also read need advice and help on this, as I feel like it's my last chance to sort things out.

Ok, so I'll try and keep it brief and if anybody would like me to expand on anything, please ask.

But basically, my history is that up until around 16 everything in my life was brilliant, I loved my life and was never happier, I had all the friends in the world and a great social life.

Around 17 / 18 I fell into what can only be described as a pit of depression...by sixth year I was barley going to school and was awake all night and slept all day.

My parents stepped in occasionally, but mostly jusy got angry with me and I had a terrible time with my mother who maybe didn't know how to handle it and neither did I.

I did a terrible leaving cert and then didn't go to college after school...instead, just sat around for a year and did nothing. In this time (from about 17 to 19 / 20 I had more or less drifted from every friend I had, never met up, never returned calls, never made any effort to hang out, all I wanted to do was hide away in my home and it was the only place I felt secure...

Anyway, around 20 / 21 I went to college, and first year was great and I made friends again and was having a great time...then in second year I got bad again and dropped out.

Again a few months / years passed as I was in a daze and honestly massive chunks of my life are missing, that I don't even remember...days turned into weeks, which turned into months, which turned into years...barely even communicating with the outside world...

At 22 after seeing somebody, I felt better and even got a great zest for life..I went and got a job that was somewhat enjoyable and was also respectable (which was important to me because I wanted a "real" job) and made friends there and had a great time...it was a one year contract and instead of trying to stay on, for some bizzare reason, I thought I'd move on after the year to another company and try and get a better wage and presumed it would be as much fun and would meet as many people...

That was 3 years ago almost...I'm now 26 and since starting work at about 22, I've completed 2 diplomas at night to try and make up for lost education and that, but don't have a degree or anything.

I still keep in touch with people from the first job, 2 or 3 of them, and go out on the odd social occassion, but they're more just beer buddies with the odd lads holiday thrown in than actual mates who do things together..

I have one other friend from school that I got back in touch with a few years ago and he would be my closest mate, but his life is probably filled with more pain and problems than my own, so he's not really in a position to take on any of my stuff and can't be a part of any of my plans for that reason either (which I'll get to later).

The only other person in my life is a girl I met 3 years ago and was with for 2 years, broke up but kept in touch for about 6 months, and got back together this last 6 months.

Now, my problem is, I'm 26, I don't have a great education, my job is complete bullsh*t and I'm miserable in it, I hate it and wish I never moved, there's no chance of finding another job now, I have little mates and practically no close mates, and with my girlfriend, when we first got together I was crazy about her, but over time I just feel like the buzz was the companionship and as time went on, we're just not right for eachother. I broke up with her before, but my life went into a tailspin then as I couldn't bare the loniliness of having no one to talk to and she was the only person who ever really contacts me...only one who cares about me, but I know we fight a lot, even though I do love her to bits, I really want her to be happy and I know she's crazy about me, but I think she's insecure and can sense that maybe I'm just too afraid to be without her, but if I'm being honest, if I had loads of mates and lots of things to do and places to go, I wouldn't be with her...

I don't know what I'm doing with my life and I'm not happy in one single aspect of my life...I feel like at 22, I finally got on my feet and started to do things, but now I feel like I'm back to square one...and older now, less time to try and sort myself out...

I'm considering going away for a year, Oz or somewhere on my own, it seems like a want to roll a dice, maybe it'll clear my head, maybe I could make a life over there? Not come back? who knows, but then I feel like I'll just be putting off coming back here and I want to leave my job, but I'll have nothing to do, no job to get, I'll feel like an even bigger loser...I want to leave my girlfriend, cause it's not right and I want her to be happy, but she gives me the only shred of happiness in my life and company, and I'm too much of a coward to let her go....

I just don't know what I'm doing and I'm so unhappy with my life...everything about it...what can I do to save it? I think it's too late to turn things around...I don't even know where to start...any help, support or advice would be appreciated, cause I think when it gets to the stage of asking for help like this, it's really because I've nowhere left to turn...

Would going away be a mistake? Or possibly make me? How can I make it so isolated and alone if I don't have my girlfriend and only time i leave the house is to spend 40 hours in a place that makes my stomach turn in dread whenever I think about going back there and only one or two friends to see and hang out with every other weekend...it's no sort of existance and I don't know what to do...or even if there's anything I can do...I'm so lost...

LegacyUser

Well the first thing you should do is responsible break up with your girlfriend, If you dont like her its not nice to string her alone.

Oz sounds like it might be fun, but you may not find your dream job there either.

LegacyUser

I think you need to change your life, but that you should go back to whoever you saw when you were 22 before you even think about moving to the other side of the world. I dont think your current feelings will disappear just because you are in a different country.

Once you get sorted out, you will be in a better place to start thinking about what your options are. A year away might be a good idea, or maybe you could check out how you could get your degree if that's what you really want and if it would give you more job opportunities.

I think you need to let your girlfriend go as it's not fair on her or you just to maintain a relationship because it's better than nothing. You are stopping both of you from having meaningful relationships with other people. It will be hard & lonely for a while but it is the best thing to do for both your sakes.

You are only 26 and have loads of opportunities ahead of you, even though it doesnt seem like it at the moment. Best of luck!