Do all men expect oral sex in a relationship?

LegacyUser

When in a relationship with a man, do all men expect oral sex? Is it all a part of being in a relationship?
What if a girl dosn't want to do it??

Silverfish

Is this an issue for you personally?

Latchy

From my expierence No .

But it depends on the girl .Some like to give that much quicker and some dont like to give at all .

Some guys might not even be expecting or want oral sex .

Tails

Well I would prefer it in a realtionship, in fact I think something would be missing if not! But then im as much of a giver as a taker

LegacyUser

It was slightly in a past relationship. I am single now.
So, is it a really important part of being in a realtionship with a man? And what if a girl dislikes it? Do all men expect oral sex when in a relationship with a man?

Liam Byrne

Unregistered wrote: »

And what if a girl dislikes it?

Anything 2 consenting adults do is OK; and while there might be an element of disliking-but-doing-it-the-odd-time, if the girl hates it, then it shouldn't be expected.

Same should go for anything the guy dislikes or hates.

But there's no rule that says every man likes it. Just as there's no rule that every girl likes the reverse scenario (unfortunately).

Unregistered wrote: »

Do all men expect oral sex when in a relationship with a man?

The first time this was phrased that way, I glossed over it, but given that it's been phrased similarly again, I'm beginning to wonder how a girl comes into that equation ?

Pherekydes

No, is the simple answer.

Don't do anything you're not comfortable doing.

Carsinian Thau

Pherekydes wrote: »

No, is the simple answer.

Don't do anything you're not comfortable doing.

+1

In a relationship both of you should be comfortable.

If he makes a big deal out of it, you'll have found yourself a wrong guy.

LegacyUser

I actually find it quite disgusting as a girl, and would feel down graded or humiliated....I'm not sure what the word is, but personally I would hate to give/receive.....its disgusting....I would feel like I was in a porn film or something...I like sex with someone I love and like it to be special and not feel like I'm in a porn film
But what if a girl is in a relationship with a guy and he expects/asks for oral sex? Is it a reason for a man to break up with a girl if she refuses???

Silverfish

Unregistered wrote: »

But what if a girl is in a relationship with a guy and he expects/asks for oral sex? Is it a reason for a man to break up with a girl if she refuses???

I'm going to say yes.

Because if it's something he really enjoys, then it's constantly going to be an issue between them. If he feels he really can't live without it, then it's only fair he breaks up with the person and finds someone who wants to pleasure him in that way.

That said, nobody should ever feel forced or be forced into anything like that.

Liam Byrne

Unregistered wrote: »

I like sex with someone I love

Unregistered wrote: »

....he expects/asks for oral sex? Is it a reason for a man to break up with a girl if she refuses???

Someone you love, or someone who loves you back ?

It might be given as "a reason", but as stated above if he loved you he wouldn't expect you to do anything you didn't want to / hate.

So you'd be better off if he did break up with you over it, so you could find someone who wasn't so petty.

But I'll play devil's advocate for a second; if you were with a guy who didn't want to have sex (a "wait til married" advocate or whatever) - would you dump him over that ?

Cos essentially it would be the same type of issue.....being expected to do what you didn't want to.

LegacyUser

The only time I don't like it is when the guy is uncircumcised, love it when a guy who know's what he is doing goes down on me and like to return the favour but really don't enjoy it all that much if he's uncircumcised. You should be able to say no to it if you don't like it and it should not be a dealbreaker.

LegacyUser

So what if a guy and a girl get on great together, and love each other completely?
From a man's point of view, if he needed oral sex so much (in spite of what I have said above)...this is a good enough reason to break up with someone...????

badboyblast

Yes

Liam Byrne

Silverfish wrote: »

I'm going to say yes.

If he feels he really can't live without it, then it's only fair he breaks up with the person and finds someone who wants to pleasure him in that way.

Fair point, but just to point out that the OP has changed the question.

The original question (as per thread title):
do all guys expect it?No
Is it all a part of being in a relationship?Maybe
What if a girl dosn't want to do it?? Don't do it

Then, the most recent version :
Is it a reason for a man to break up with a girl if she refuses???

Whatever about the fairly valid point you made in relation to the most recent question, I presume you'd agree that none of the ORIGINAL questions warrant a "Yes" ?

OP, go back up to my question above; if a guy didn't want to have ANY sex, would it be a deal-breaker for you ? Would you see it as a reason to dump him, because of your needs and wants ?

Max Power1

badboyblast wrote: »

Yes

+1

Oral sex is an essential part of any sexual relationship imo . Both giving and recieving.

Latchy

Unregistered wrote: »

But what if a girl is in a relationship with a guy and he expects/asks for oral sex? Is it a reason for a man to break up with a girl if she refuses???

If the girl is not comfortable with giving it then she has as much right to finsih the relationship on those grounds in such a way as the man does for the same reasons , refusal .

Although the fact that it is uncomfortable for her ( while she's giving it ) might turn some guys on even more .

Silverfish

Liam Byrne wrote: »

Fair point, but just to point out that the OP has changed the question.

The original question (as per thread title):
do all guys expect it?No
Is it all a part of being in a relationship?Maybe
What if a girl dosn't want to do it?? Don't do it

Then, the most recent version :
Is it a reason for a man to break up with a girl if she refuses???

Whatever about the fairly valid point you made in relation to the most recent question, I presume you'd agree that none of the ORIGINAL questions warrant a "Yes" ?

OP, go back up to my question above; if a guy didn't want to have ANY sex, would it be a deal-breaker for you ? Would you see it as a reason to dump him, because of your needs and wants ?

Well, I can't generalise and speak for all men, but I would hazard a guess that they don't all expect oral sex.

But I do believe they are within their rights to break up with someone for whatever reason they deem important enough.

If you don't want to be with someone, you don't want to be with them. It's not like the girl can turn around and say 'Sorry, that's not a good enough reason, we're not breaking up and have to stay together'.

MariMel

I have to admit to absolutely hating to give oral in the past.
My very first experience was incredibly unpleasant (having my head held down and gagging so much I threw up afterwards) so for quite a number of years it was not something i ever wanted to do and only ever performed on the rare occasion, usually i might add after a shared shower or the likes.

as for feeling like you are in a porn movie.....then tell me what about the act makes you feel like that? many many women dont like swallowing eventhough every pornstar seems to relish the taste of cum. Deepthroating or taking all the penis in your mouth is not a necessary part of quality oral sex.
It doesnt have to be some mad frantic head bopping up and down either, nor to you have to moan loudly while performing.
Porn can for some men (and women) especially younger people give them a false sense of what sex and oral sex is actually like for us common folk.
For many men its as much about the woman enjoying giving as it is for them receiving.

Its only in the last few years that I have learned to enjoy giving (have to admit.....always enjoyed receiving!!! )(always every conscious of my hygiene practices) It is pleasurable experience i share with the man i love, something I do for him because i love him and i get a huge kick out of pleasing him.

OP think what is it you actually dont like about it......is it the hygiene aspect......your technique......swallowing etc
find someone you care about, are very much attracted to and explore with them......oral after a shower, experiemnting with how you might do it.....and remember ......you dont have to swallow if you dont want to.....but dont ever do anything you dont feel comfortable with....its meant to be a fun experience after all.

candy-gal1

yes it is an essential part of a relationship!! why would anyone not do it?! lol i love it with my oh!

LegacyUser

I would not do it...as I said before I think it's disgusting....no offence to anyone who does like to perform the act.
Well, it would seem from the responses that most lads like to receive it....I personally hate it, and will never do it.....am I doomed for life from a relationship with a man because I despise this Act??

Pherekydes

candy-gal1 wrote: »

yes it is an essential part of a relationship!! why would anyone not do it?! lol i love it with my oh!

That's nonsense. You can't say what's essential to anyone else's relationship.

Latchy

Would imagine the bad hygiene aspect of it to be a turn off for both men and women on the recieving and giving end .But with spontanious oral sex that wont be on most peoples minds and your not going to get mr / mrs clean .

Pherekydes wrote: »

That's nonsense. You can't say what's essential to anyone else's relationship.

Indeed , if all relationships were based around oral sex ( not receiving /giving it )there would be many more break ups /divorces than there is

Silverfish

Unregistered wrote: »

I would not do it...as I said before I think it's disgusting....no offence to anyone who does like to perform the act.
Well, it would seem from the responses that most lads like to receive it....I personally hate it, and will never do it.....am I doomed for life from a relationship with a man because I despise this Act??

Well, that's grand. That's your thing.

I wouldn't say you're doomed, because there will always be someone out there that will love you enough that it wouldn't matter if you didn't want to do it. I'm sure there's plenty of guys out there that are slightly put off by it too, if there's one thing I've learned, its that there's all sorts of people out there.

Alternatively, it might just be that you haven't met a guy that you would consider it with yet.

Latchy

Unregistered wrote: »

I would not do it... I personally hate it, and will never do it.....am I doomed for life from a relationship with a man because I despise this Act??

No , loads of men out there will not be bothered although when offered ,I have never refused ( and would never ) refuse it myself

LegacyUser

I was in a relationship before with a guy, and it seemed he would have liked if I did this.....personally I can't stand it...and me and him kind of grew apart and I am not sure if this has anything to do with it.
I loved the guy to bits and we got on really well, and spent lots of time together etc, and I loved sex with him.
I am just a person that will never perform this act and if most lads want this done to them I now feel like I am in a position that I will have to do this, because they want it so much.....

Max Power1

Latchy wrote: »

Would imagine the bad hygiene aspect of it to be a turn off for both men and women on the recieving and giving end .But with spontanious oral sex that wont be on most peoples minds and your not going to get mr / mrs clean .

Indeed , if all relationships were based around oral sex ( not receiving /giving it )there would be many more break ups /divorces than there is

Well if the person you are going to be performing it for or recieving it from is someone you are in a relationship with, you would expect that they wash all areas concerned regularly out of respect for you as their partner, if not for themselves. I cant see how hygiene is a concern tbh

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

The only time I don't like it is when the guy is uncircumcised, love it when a guy who know's what he is doing goes down on me and like to return the favour but really don't enjoy it all that much if he's uncircumcised. You should be able to say no to it if you don't like it and it should not be a dealbreaker.

is there really that much of a difference for the ladies on whether or not hes had the snip when performing oral sex?
post snip male asking and rather curious!

Latchy

Max Power1 wrote: »

Well if the person you are going to be performing it for or recieving it from is someone you are in a relationship with, you would expect that they wash all areas concerned regularly out of respect for you as their partner, if not for themselves. I cant see how hygiene is a concern tbh

Ah yes of course I think that goes without saying but not everybody who goes looking for oral sex is in a relationship and they may not have instant access to shower facilities .


Cleanliness would be essential for me, for sure .

Max Power1

Latchy wrote: »

Ah yes of course I think that goes without saying but not everybody who goes looking for oral sex is in a relationship and they may not have instant access to shower facilities .


Cleanliness would be essential for me, for sure .

But the OP's question was is oral sex essential in a relationship. We arent talking about some seedy laneway behind a nightclub with a stranger :rolleyes:, and i dont see how it is unhygenic.

Latchy

Max Power1 wrote: »

But the OP's question was is oral sex essential in a relationship. We arent talking about some seedy laneway behind a nightclub with a stranger :rolleyes:, and i dont see how it is unhygenic.

But before the relationship become a ' relationship ' the OP (as example ) might have had to perform oral sex on her ' future ' partner ( who might have being a stranger) down some seedy laneway to seal the deal .

You didn't allow for that bit did you :rolleyes:

Max Power1

well i wouldnt do that, so it wouldnt be to the forefront of my mind, but thats just me

EDIT: The fact that she is having a discussion about it before perfoming it would indicate that it has gone past that stage anyway

Latchy

Well I have on occassions on leaving some pubs, clubs , seen great looking females perfroming oral sex on guys .Now hygeine would have being the last thing on those people minds .Booze or other substances on both parts, may have played a part in ' desensitizing ' the situation

LegacyUser

whatever about being in a relationship with someone but doing this with some guy outside of a nite club....its totally anyone's decision to do this...but the thoughts of doing this act with someone a girl might have just met in a niteclub....Sweet Jesus....thats my opinion....

VaioCruiser

Unregistered wrote: »

When in a relationship with a man, do all men expect oral sex?

As a guy with a lot of road miles behind me, I must say that in my experience and to my knowledge - the answer is yes ... most definitely.

Is it all a part of being in a relationship?

In my opinion oral sex, on BOTH sides, is an inherent and fundamental part of a normal sex life.

What if a girl dosn't want to do it??

NO. A girl, or boy should never do anything they do not want to. Period.

There is no evidence the OP is the guy or girl in this, or what their actual views are here. Maybe it is a young guy who's girl won't give him what he thinks he should expect... mmmm... I won;t go there for now

If there is such a girl, then it would appear that she has had a very bad experience or has viewed some porn video that has scared her. I am not qualified to advise on the proper course of action of she wants to overcome this issue. There is a possibility she may find a guy who says it's ok... but I seriously seriously would warn her that it will lead to trouble down the line.

All the best OP.

LegacyUser

Do you mean there would be trouble in my future, sould I refuse to perform this Act? I don't know about anyone else, but if I meet someone, fall in love, and would do anything for the person....except this act....then surely it is a very petty thing for whoever I meet to break up with me over.....or do men want this THAT much in a relationship?? Are there any girls out there who are in a relationship, and cannot stand this Act....has it impacted on your relationship in anyway???

Pherekydes

VaioCruiser wrote: »

As a guy with a lot of road miles behind me, I must say that in my experience and to my knowledge - the answer is yes ... most definitely.

The answer is no, most definitely.

VaioCruiser wrote: »

In my opinion oral sex, on BOTH sides, is an inherent and fundamental part of a normal sex life.

No it isn't. It's not fundamental.

VaioCruiser wrote: »

If there is such a girl, then it would appear that she has had a very bad experience or has viewed some porn video that has scared her.

Nonsense. Some people just do not like oral sex. End of.

VaioCruiser wrote: »

I am not qualified to advise on the proper course of action of she wants to overcome this issue.

What issue? You said above "NO. A girl, or boy should never do anything they do not want to. Period." So there is no issue.

VaioCruiser wrote: »

There i There is a possibility she may find a guy who says it's ok... but I seriously seriously would warn her that it will lead to trouble down the line.

In what way? What kind of trouble?

Completely unhelpful post, if you ask me.

Chucky the tree

I wouldn't go out with someone who didn't give oral, and no offence OP but you're feeling towards it let me to believe you'd be a bit of a prude which would also be very off putting.

LegacyUser

OP I don't get why you think it's so degrading. What don't you like about it? Explain that to a guy and then they won't expect to receive it as long as the reason is valid. As another poster already said, with someone you love it's an intimate act done to make the other person happy, much like hugging after sex if you ask me.

GrumPy

Unregistered wrote: »

When in a relationship with a man, do all men expect oral sex? Is it all a part of being in a relationship?
What if a girl dosn't want to do it??

If your not comfortable with it then it's not a problem, just explain you don't want too. But yes, I'd imagine most men expect it.

Have you even tried it before?

LegacyUser

I used to do it quite a bit for my OH...I don't like it, but I did it to make him happy. However, he er, very rarely returns the favour. So the last time he asked me to do it for him I said no. Since then he's never asked me again...

LegacyUser

I'm a female. In my experience, I've never met a man who didnt want or expect oral sex and why shouldn't he? It's a fantastic part of sex, highly pleasurable. I love pleasuring my partner - doing anything that would put a smile on his face. And he's the same with me.

For me, if a man does not want to engage in oral sex then it's a deal breaker for me. It will only lead to resentment down the line I think.

It's extremely important to have sexual compatability in a relationship and this is why many relationships fail I think - because people don't realise how important it is to have similar sexual interests and desires to your partner.

Having said that OP, you shouldn't have to do anything you don't want to do. You just have to find someone who doesn't enjoy oral sex. I'm sure there might be one or two men out there who feel the same as you (which means you also wouldn't receive oral sex).

Again, the mind boggles as to why someone wouldn't want to engage in this amazing form of pleasure...but I'm sure you're not alone.

Xiney

When posting unregged, you can change the name you post under from "unregistered" to something of your choosing.

This helps to avoid confusion.

VaioCruiser

Pherekydes wrote: »

Completely unhelpful post, if you ask me.

I have absolutely no problem with you disagreeing with me or others. But I resent you characterising my contribution as unhelpful, because it disagrees with yours.

Xiney

Guys, if you've issues with posts being made on this forum, please report them so that the moderators can deal with it.

Do not post off topic in this thread.

Wagon

Depends on the bloke. If you aren't sexually compatable with someone then there's no point in being with them. So it cane be a deal breaker for some men and women.

Doesn't make someone a bad person, it's just something they see as important in a relationship and they want to have that. It isn't shallow.

VaioCruiser

Unregistered wrote: »

Do you mean there would be trouble in my future, sould I refuse to perform this Act? I don't know about anyone else, but if I meet someone, fall in love, and would do anything for the person....except this act....then surely it is a very petty thing for whoever I meet to break up with me over.....or do men want this THAT much in a relationship?? Are there any girls out there who are in a relationship, and cannot stand this Act....has it impacted on your relationship in anyway???

Hi again - please note that do sympathise with your situation - as a guy. I really do. I cannot be nice to be asked to do things you really do not want to do. And I really do believe you should not while you have this feeling.

On your question about the future - I feel strongly that you will indeed find that people don't suddenly arrive at being madly in love without a process. That process usually, if it is a healthy one, will include sex. You may find that you will indeed find a guy who will accept your phobia, and I HONESTLY hope you do.
However I would say to you that I believe it will remain, hidden or unhidden, a bugbear in the relationship and when times get tough - as they always will - it will be dragged up and used as a nasty stick to use in those bad times. He will ALWAYS be susceptible to looking for it elsewhere, even if he is not naturally likely to cheat. The pressure on him from society, from his friends will eventually tell.

I know it may not be politically correct to suggest change - but I am certain that your feelings come from some past association of giving oral sex with a bad experience or bad association - and that it is possible to change over time. It may not seem like it now, but it is very similar to other phobias which can be tackled. Once the yuck factor is eased in your mind, it will allow the natural pleasure giving and loving nature of this and other oral sexual pleasures to come through. I had a short period of experience of this when I dated my first girl a long long time ago. I had a real gagging experience any time I contemplated going down between her legs... and anytime I got close. However for me I am lucky, in that it only lasted a few months. I was lucky to find a girl who made the whole experience a fun and shared exploration experience an who reassured me, and it was all fixed. I am not drawing any parallel whatsoever except to say I know what you feel, to some degree anyway.

I wish you all the best.

Tea_Bag

Max Power1 wrote: »

I cant see how hygiene is a concern tbh

well you're a lucky one. i was going out with this girl for about 7 months before we broke up, and i hated giving her oral sex because, to put it frank, her minge stank. it was really disgusting now i think of it. its not like she wasnt showering or anything. she'd shower all the time. just obviously not cleaning her parts or something.

if and when we did have oral sex, Id try recieving first, because i know id be turned off sex for the night if i gave first.


as a whole though, i loved her so i put up with it, and i think theres a bit of a blury line somewhere between doing stuff you dont enjoy much, for the sake of your OH, and refusing point blank to do it at all. i did like pleasing her though, so it gradually became easier to do. i do think it benefited me in the long run, by making me more aware of hygeine.

of course i could have talked to her about washing properly scratch that, no ways im talking about it to her.

LegacyUser

Yep, I think personal hygiene would be a big part when anyone would so anyone would do oral sex. By the way, I have tried it, and didn't like it at all.... and never got it in return...!

LegacyUser

Before I went out with my OH, I had never given oral sex and really didn't like the thoughts of it. Like I was very closed to the idea of doing it. Eventually I decided to give it a bash, I didn't keep going until climax, kind of foreplay before intercourse and it really wasn't as bad as I was expecting and so got a kick out of doing it then.

He always performs oral sex on me and it's amazing and he loves doing it for me so I tried a couple of times to continue with oral sex on him until he climaxed and I found it so unpleasant. I've a very sensitive gag reflex and so found it horrible. I felt so guilty about it but eventually we were talking about things and I explained that to him and he was totally okay with it. He understood completely and doesn't mind that I don't go all the way with that.

It's all about communication and your different levels of comfort.

VaioCruiser

Unregistered wrote: »

Before I went out with my OH, I had never given oral sex and really didn't like the thoughts of it. Like I was very closed to the idea of doing it. Eventually I decided to give it a bash, I didn't keep going until climax, kind of foreplay before intercourse and it really wasn't as bad as I was expecting and so got a kick out of doing it then.

He always performs oral sex on me and it's amazing and he loves doing it for me so I tried a couple of times to continue with oral sex on him until he climaxed and I found it so unpleasant. I've a very sensitive gag reflex and so found it horrible. I felt so guilty about it but eventually we were talking about things and I explained that to him and he was totally okay with it. He understood completely and doesn't mind that I don't go all the way with that.

It's all about communication and your different levels of comfort.

I agree 100%.

I think you are great to persevere. We do things for the one we love because we love them. Sometimes we are influenced negatively by professional sex people on porn video and it can affect both sides. Beautiful soft oral for a few minutes is most often more then enough for a guy. It's the principle not the mechanics. I understand perfectly about the gagging... I don't believe that is in any way a part that would bother a guy if it didn't happen in that way. It has to be mutual.

All the best.