No Sex with BF 6 Months - what is wrong with me?

LegacyUser

Hi All,

I am a 29 years old female and have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. We are living together almost 3 years. He is a wonderful boyfriend and I love him deeply and I want so much for us to have a wonderful future with each other. The problem lies with me however and my lack of sexual desire or inability to have sex.

I really do not know what is wrong with me. We had a great sex life for the first few years of our relationship but things have gone down hill dramatically and I know that it is all my fault! We have been having problems with our sex life for the past 2 years and have not slept together for almost 6 months. Please do not say I am a freak. I know it is crazy but I want to sort this problem out for the sake of my boyfriend and our relationship as I feel that if this continues for much longer my boyfriend will get sick of me. He has been so patient for so long but has recently stopped trying to make an effort with me in that department as I have pushed him away. He thinks that I do not fancy him anymore but that is not true. He is beautiful looking and has a great heart and I would never look at anyone else.

I have been quite depressed at different stages of my life although I am not on antidepressants nor do I want to go on them. There have been many family problems over the years that I have had to deal with particularly between my mum and dad and I am the type of person that is frequently sick worrying about everyone and as a result often neglect myself and my own interests. I also worked really hard at university and entered into a very good profession but could not deal with the stress of the work and so had to hand in my notice as I could not sleep at night and I was constantly preoccupied with work even when I was not working. This may be a contributing factor to why I have no libido.

Another factor is that I have experienced alot of pain during intercourse. This was not always the case. It did happen in a previous relationship but everything was going great with my current boyfriend for the first few years of our relationship but unfortunately in the last 2 years I have experienced alot of pain and I do not know the reason. I have been on the same Pill for the last 5 years and even tried stopping this last year to see if the Pill was the problem but the problem still persisted. We have tried using lubricants aswell but this has not worked either.

I feel so low at the moment because I want to regain my libido and have a fulfilling sex life with my boyfriend who has been more than patient with me. I am afraid to go to my doctor as I know would find it so embarrasing to talk to her as I am quite shy. I know this cannot go on much longer and I will have to forget about the shyness and do something about it. I really do not want to lose my boyfriend.

I have found it quite difficult to write this so please do not be harsh with your replies. I was trying to avoid this issue for a while but I know it needs to be confronted. Any advise out there would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

Ickle Magoo

Hiya hon,

Well done for being so brave as to post - that took a lot of guts. I think you have to do one more brave thing and sit down and tell your doctor what you've just told us. If you can't speak to your doctor directly, print off your post and show them, or ask to attend a different doctor to your usual.

It's easy for me to say, you are the one that has to make the appointment and do the talking but there is nothing this forum can do to give you the help that you obviously really want. We can speculate about causation and throw out some non-specific methods you could try to deal with your symptoms but none of them would do you a fraction of the good that talking to a medical expert would.

Wishing you the very best xxxxxxxxx

LegacyUser

Firstly tell your boyfriend all about this. He needs to know that it's not him and where you're coming from. Secondly go see a doctor, explain about the pain during sex and see where that gets you. They've heard it all before and may be able to help.

Joey the lips

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Hiya hon,

Well done for being so brave as to post - that took a lot of guts. I think you have to do one more brave thing and sit down and tell your doctor what you've just told us. If you can't speak to your doctor directly, print off your post and show them, or ask to attend a different doctor to your usual.

It's easy for me to say, you are the one that has to make the appointment and do the talking but there is nothing this forum can do to give you the help that you obviously really want. We can speculate about causation and throw out some non-specific methods you could try to deal with your symptoms but none of them would do you a fraction of the good that talking to a medical expert would.

Wishing you the very best xxxxxxxxx

agree totally you can also explain to your doctor you dont want anti depressents either.

I hope this is not out of line but have you tried satasfying yourself as this might help you re discover your urge. What ever you do I agree that to write it all down your very good and no doubt this will aid in the recovery for you.

petethebrick

For me anyway: Exercise = increased libido.

Go for a run a few evenings each week.
Join some sort of class - how about Bikram Yoga?? Google it, there are classes a few places in Dublin.
Excercise gets your blood flowing, gets rid of the blues somewhat and generally makes you feel better. Good luck!!

MissyN

If you don't want to go to your doctor, then maybe you could try a Well Woman clinic. There are a few around Dublin and you'd speak to a lady doctor there I'm sure and at least it might save some embarassment if its not your own GP.

Making love shouldn't be painful, it should be beautiful so you really do need to go to a professional about this.

iguana

Are you on a pill? Certain pills can reduce, or even eliminate, your libido. So if you are discuss this with your doctor too.

hurleronditch

I'm no doctor, but I suffer from depression. I'm a confident, positive person who has spent his life as an incredible optimist. A while back for no reason that all changed, and though I didn't know it, I was suffering from depression. I never ever thought I would go on meds for anything like that, but I finally saw my doctor on it,and he prescribed me. My life is brilliant since. I'm a 25 year old male who totally lost his libido, this included scoring a crazy hot girl in a nightclub, and saying no when she told me what she wanted to do to me when she got me back to hers. people have a misconception that antidepressants alter your behaviour, when in fact many of the more common ones merely train your body to produce more of the chemicals which promote hapiness and positive thoughts. I know I've gone way ot, and as a young male I'm in no way placed to talk to you about your relationship, but I will say please please go see your doctor, and keep an open mind as to how you deal with your depression.Maybe ignore me too cos I'm a rambling insomniac guy who usually posts on the golf forum

Permabear

This post has been deleted.