My friends are ignoring me

LegacyUser

I'll go unregged for this time.


I always found it tough to make friends in school, i was just shy and quiet. I have always had one good friend since sixth class.

Come the time of the start of fifth year, i fitted in into a small group of about 10 people, some i knew relativly well and others i didnt, but i fitted in nevertheless. We became decent friends, we went out, went to the cinema ect ect. I was really happy.

Fast foward to now, just after the leaving cert. I was talking to a few of my friends before the leaving, nothing out of the ordinary, just pre exam stress.


I finished monday, and that night i got a text from my good friend saying 'are you going on the camping trip on friday'. I knew noting of this trip, no one had told me about this. I waited all week for an invite. No texts, no calls, no voicemails all week. I texted the person who was organising the trip and got no reply. All the people in the group went tonight, except me.

My texts are falling on deaf ears and there is other trips planned and other post leaving cert things to do but i'm not sure where i stand. I havent done anything to deserve this but i feel i'm losing my 'friends' (or should i call them that?). My good friend remains but the rest are falling away. I know friends come and go, but this quick?

I feel really gutted, and quite angry.

castle

Why don't you ask the friend that you are still in contact with why this has happened.Are you friends with most of these people through the same friend ie they here her friend first?
Look these things do happen in life and this is just the start,I think you are lucky to find out now Rather then when you are all working/college, more out and about in life and you think you can depend on them and then realize they are just shallow.
Do you really want to be friends with people like this,If you where truthful to yourself you will look back at the past and see things where they left you out ,ignored etc.
This has not just happened overnight and you know it,the painting has been on the wall or maybe you did not see it or you just ignored it hoping you where wrong.
You sound like a nice person and nice people should surround themselves with nice people, do speak with your family these are the people who will be there for you always and I think you need a hug from them(I would give you a hug if I could ).Don't think that they wont understand they will they have more experience than you think and they will show you the way,do not be embarrassed to tell them as you have nothing to be embarrassed about.
Best of luck and what does not kill you will make you stronger for the future.

They do not deserve to be your friends

Babbit

Comments like 'they don't deserve to be your friends' are bitter, probably said by people who have no friends. The fact of the matter is that this is life and you've been dealt a low draw. Its probably not much got to do with you, but if you are quiet then it might be easy for people in the group to just, overlook you.

I have a friend just like you who only recently began to 'fit in'. All I can reccomend is to not change the way you are to satisfy a new crowd.

PS- Are you going to college? For some people they make a whole new cast friends there. I didn't and hung around with old schoolfriends mainly but for most people they tend to mix and form good friendships with people in their class.

LegacyUser

Hi.

Unfortunately, I'm kinda in the same position. I've just finished the LC as well and feel really isolated. You should just text a couple of different friends every week. When people leave school the generally just stick to their best friends and drop contact with those that they were only really acquaintaces with.

I wouldn't take it personally though, people move on! Just go out with your really good friend. You're going to meet loads of new people anyway so don't fret over it!

MultiUmm

To be honest, in all my 15 years experience in this world , I find freinds to be quite a fickle bunch.

I've always been kinda shy as well and feel more comfortable in small groups, anything over 9 is a bit much.

But anyway, getting back to the point, as long as you have a few close freinds who still hang out with you, why would you want to bother with the others? Especially if they started ignoring you for no reason.

You should organise something with your close freinds and have a laugh with them, and if they're your real freinds I'm sure they'll be more then willing to have a laugh with you.

R.D. aka MR.D

Why don't you ask your still close friend if there is a reason why you weren't invited. At least you will know then and may be able to change.

but if these people have decided they don't want to be friends with you anymore there isn't much you can do.

Just move on and try volunteering or get a hobby or as others say if your going to college you'll soon meet new people.

Finishing school is a very hard time and is life changing if your lucky,think of this as a new chapter in the story of your life and all the oppurtunities you have to change the lead character without the restraints ofsecondary school structure.

Doctor DooM

Op this happens to everyone when you finish school. Through life you and the things you are interested will change.

Previously you had school to bind you together. Now, you will all find new friends and new purposes in life which will inevitably seperate you from your school buds.

this has clearly started to happen to you. Value the friend who stayed true to you but don't shed a thought on those who didn't- it's life taking it's course.

LegacyUser

Hey, I felt a bit like that after finishing my leaving, there was a 'core' group of people that all activities seems to centre around, and it usually had to do with who is dating who and fellas trying to show off the girls, which I always thought was lame, but thats just the way. It was a bit like the cast of Friends were the main core of the whos who, and when the final exams were over, this gang seemed to head off and do their own thing... too preoccupied with themselves to have time for anyone else....

Luckily, I always played music and went from band to band for the next 20 years, I always had that as a social outlet... give it time and some of those people that you are now feeling bitter towards, will come back into your life in some shape or form... this is not the first time you will feel like this, believe me. Join a club, meet new people... all the best

Firetrap

It's not nice to be in your shoes at the moment. I can only imagine how angry/hurt/humiliated you feel at the moment. The only thing I can say is that if this bunch of people has planned a camping trip without you, that they were not really your friends. That your attempts to contact the others fell on deaf ears says it all

Sorry to say it but I think you know deep down where you stand. You've been excluded from this group and you won't be invited to anything else this summer. A conscious effort was made to keep you in the dark over the trip and it nearly worked.

Don't try to make contact with them again. It's just going to make you seem a bit desperate. You can't make someone like you. Instead, concentrate on staying friends with your good friend (make sure not to put them in an awkward position because they've continued to stay friends with this other group of people) and look forward into the future.

This is a tough time for you I know and it's a harsh life lesson. Don't forget though that as you go on to do different things, you will meet and hopefully befriend all sorts of people of different ages and circumstances.

leggo

I'm a firm believer that, in your lifetime, you'll only be able to count the amount of people you'll encounter that you can TRULY trust and count as good friends (when put to the test) on both hands. Tops. That's probably including direct family too.

Friends are just people to spend your time with to stop you from going insane by being on your own. Along the way you'll meet people who you click deeply with and will be there for you time and again...but for the most part, what we consider 'friends' are really 'acquaintances'.

The important thing, now, is that you don't take this personally. It's very easy to make assumptions about yourself, like "There must be something wrong with me if I'm the only one that wasn't invited" etc etc. The problem with that is that: 1) You'll likely never get the 100% true reasons for it (and it could be something extremely petty, like the person organising it felt jealous of you being close to another person in the group so deliberately excluded you. Happens) so there's no point dwelling on it and thinking "Why?", and 2) The fact that they didn't invite you is their problem, not yours.

Count yourself lucky. You've seen the true colours of your so-called friends. And though, in the short-term, it may feel like you've nobody to turn to...in the long run you're better off without people who treat their 'friends' this way.

You've got college, or whatever is next on the agenda, to look forward to now. In the meantime, if you're stuck for things to do then put yourself out there. See the void left in your life, now, as opportunity: maybe to take up a new hobby that you've been putting off for years...or whatever...

Just don't let it beat you. This kinda stuff happens all the time to the best of us, so realise you're a good person who doesn't deserve this kind of treatment and move on to better pastures.

IceICEbaby

Hey...
This happened to me.

Because of one girl (the ringleader I guess) I ended up being shoved out of the 'group'.
She decided to steal my best friend...and I lost contact with everyone. I still talk to some of them...but we're not close anymore.

That was after the leaving. I've just finished first year of college and I have lots of new friends now.
You just have to accept the fact that some people are bastards and youre probably better off with them.
If they can do that to you...theyre not really friends.

That said, I know how much it sucks....I remember being really down about it.
Espeically losing my 'best friend' who I had known since I was 5...:(

Just don't make the same mistake I did.
Demand a reason because....you deserve a reason...
I just 'let' them not contact me...and I kind of regret that now cos i'm not sure why it all happened. Don;t let pride get in the way of finding out why theyre being pricks...

Anyway, chin up...cos trust me...you'll make new friends...
Good luck!!
xxxxx

LegacyUser

We make and lose friends throughout our lives.

I am still in touch in touch with 3 people I was in school with - old friends - one of those would be my best friend.

What I have learned is that by being true to yourself, and following what interests you, you will meet people and make friends. Rather than trying to hang around with a group like your schoolfriends who are possibly just your friends through familiarity, try to make friends with people you have things in common with, be it music, a sport, a hobby....

It happens with people you work with as well - you work in a place for years, you drink with them on Friday nights, talk to them everyday and then when you move to another place to work, those people you thought were friends turn out to people just people you worked with. (you'll make some friends as well of course).

A friend of my brothers dumped all her school friends before going to college - she basically came out and said "well, it's been nice knowing you.... I'm off to Uni and will be making new friends there".

Ask your best friend though because he/she can tell you - and it's better to know I think. It could be something as ridiculous as "you're not cool enough", they might see you as not as mature as them or that they think you don't like them (has happened) and your friend may be caught in the middle of it. So by asking him/her, it means you have an answer.

Based on that answer, decided whether or not you want to hang around with them.

Firetrap

I dunno. Is there any point in asking a question like that? Either they'll dance around the question or just hurt the OP. I make the point because when I was a youngster (to be fair, a lot younger than the OP...maybe 10 or 11) and didn't have an ounce of cop-on, I asked my friends in school why they didn't seem to like me any more. They wrote me a note and the words are still burned into my brain 25 years later (unlike the people involved...I'm not certain now who wrote the note or who I was annoying by just being me)

It's no different to when you go out with a guy and he ignores your texts/calls. It's because he doesn't have the guts to tell you he wishes you'd go away somewhere quietly because he doesn't remotely fancy you.

LegacyUser

I empathise completly with you on this matter. I have been in a very similar situation. Firstly on the issue of whether they are your friends you need to reassert your position in the group. The thing I try to do is to organise an event myself and see if others want to come. If they do then great, I'm sure you'll be able to take it from there whilst managing to keep in touch with them. If nobody wants to go, bar your close friend, then you need to spend time with other people. It sounds dramatic and sudden but its for the best. Better to find and spend time with newer friends then spend time feeling "out of the circle" as it were.
Goodluck and remember that you should be valued just like the next person.
Haz.