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Stuck in a rut socially

  • 19-06-2009 11:14pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi,looking for a bit of help

    I am a 22 year old male.I am stuck in a rut in terms of a social life.When I was younger I was bullyed in school and generally always felt out in the cold.I had and still have a few personal problems and have always had low self esteem.I just can't handle the whole nightclub scene or even down the pub or even a restaurant.I have never been in any kind of relationship and find friendships hard to come by.I am very self conscious and never feel comfortable.I do attend some events such as sport etc. and I get along with people in work and in the past at college.I haven't joined any clubs or anything due to my work hours being very variable and I don't think I would feel confident enough to walk into such a setting.

    Sorry if this is an aimless ramble and don't know what I am expecting from it but need to get it out of my system.


Comments

  • #2
    Kevster
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,980 ✭✭✭Kevster


    Hi,

    Throughout my time in school, I only went to one nightclub, i never went to my debs ball, I never went to a pub, and I pretty much felt alone the entire time. i'm 26 now and I still am pretty much alone. I can maintain friendships, but when I'm not forced to be around people, then the friendships falter/fail; and I'm 26 now. My advice to you my dear friend is to focs on what you want to do in life and not let this bother you too much.

    For example, try to get into a work/study area that you have an interest in. If you can do that, then I think you'll notice that there are like-minded people around you, and you will subconciously have formed friendships.

    Kevin


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    OP, you're not alone, especially judging by other similar posts here.
    I feel the same, I'm 26 and I find it quite hard to keep friendships going, in particular when they are born out of the pub/club/drinking scene.
    Kevster makes a good point when he says you should join a group for work, study etc with people who have similar interests as you and then perhaps something will happen. Call it a bit of self development. I also think the thing is to avoid thinking about it or delving into self-pity. It'll drive you crazy.


  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    aww... hug firstly...
    i understand ya... im 23...
    with me i dont like the pub scene...nightclubs and gettin drunk etc..
    i know i wont meet my guy 4 life on a night out...
    niteclubs..drunkiness...fags...make-up, pubs...flirty clothes..suggests sex...
    have friends that love all of that but when im out with them...im just there for the sake of it.
    id prefer to get to know someone through something...eg. activity
    ur not alone..


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi OP, I'm 23 and in the same position as you. It certainly looks like we're not alone in this since these threads pop up so often. I made one myself not too long back! My problem is that it seems like people our age bond by going on nights out to pubs/nightclubs, especially in work and it feels like it's impossible to get ahead in these jobs unless your one of these people.

    Again though I think Kevster has the best possible advice. But like you I don't feel that I'd have the confidence to join a club where everybody already knows each other so anything that I've recently joined/done has been something that has only recently started, like a nightcourse.


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