Two queries - first sex & period - mortified

LegacyUser

Hi there, I know this seems trivial but just looking for bit of help.....long story short I'm not a teenager but have had only had two sexual partners, both of them very long term, I am now seeing someone new. We are both mature in age I should add.
First how long should I wait before I have sex with new guy? Heard a 3rd date rule is common....I dont want a fling so trying not to look easy but dont want to put him off/appear like playing games.

Secondly..how do I tell him I can't have sex cos of my period if we havent already started sleeping together before period ? Do I just say it out? I dont want to embarrass him.

Sorry I sound like a kid but I am so afraid I will look stupid. Help!

Nevyn

There are no rules for grown ups about when to start sleeping with a new partner.
And you should be able to talk with him about it before hand, if it comes up you just explain and you never know it may be soemthing he does not find off putting.

Toots

There's no set rule for when to sleep with someone. 'When you feel it's right' is the best one to go by. As regards telling him you're getting your period, if it were me I'd just tell him straight out (obviously not over dinner or something), but if you're really not comfortable saying that, maybe say something like 'We'll have to wait a few days.' I'd say he'll get the message.

taram

He knows you're a woman, and most women have regular periods, it won't come as a shock to him. Just casually mention it.

Forget all the "rules" it's you and him that count. Have sex when it feels right for both of ye, whether it's 3 dates or 30. There's playing games and there's getting to know each other before the act, just relax and get to know him and you'll know when

LegacyUser

forget all this 'talking to him' stuff..............just play coy, make up excuses not to end up in that situation for those few days, if you're already waiting, and ur interested in a relationship, those few days wont matter....keep ur mystique, men dont want to know ur on ur period........HOWEVER saying that, this is 'first date etc' advice...telling him ur on ur period isnt attractive, no matter how u cut it when ur trying to impress,no more is him sharing personal hygiene info....when ur going out, and have had sex already, feel free to tell the truth...but when ur trying to pull, do u really want to bring it up? im sure u can spin a few distractions to keep him entertained in the mean time?

Sarah W

Haven't a clue what the last poster said! Translation?

Anyway - forget rules, have sex when you feel comfortable and when you want to, when you think 'Cor! I really want to go to bed with you!'

And as a previous poster said men *are* aware that women have periods and most don't faint at the sight of blood and don't have a problem talking about it. If you, or he, don't fancy full sex during that time then don't. Simple. You can still fool around

ETA - due to troublesome fibroids I have had a period for about, oh, the last year. With a new partner I just told him and we used a towel, no problem.

sunnyside

Unregistered wrote: »

Secondly..how do I tell him I can't have sex cos of my period if we havent already started sleeping together before period ? Do I just say it out? I dont want to embarrass him.

Sorry I sound like a kid but I am so afraid I will look stupid. Help!

Men especially older men as you say he is are well aware that women have periods, they have encounteded them before in previous relationships. I (female) don't do sex during period, new partner or long-term. Some men definitely aren't into it either so it is much less embarassing to let him know in advance.

Just say something like "can't tonight sorry, wrong time of month". He will understand and not mention it further because men don't like discussing periods.

I used to be like you OP, too embarassed to say anything about it and making other excuses instead but as soon as I told someone as described above it was so totally ok that it hasn't bothered me since.

LegacyUser

men dont want to know ur on ur period

Totally disagree. i am male and would certainly want to know why a girl is reluctant to have sex... it is me? Something I said? What's the problem?!! If she explained why, I'd be like "No probs"

ANY guy who has been in a relationship and most who have had sex have encountered periods, and indeed girls who don't want to fool around because of them. MOST lads have been told 'no, I'm having my period' and are well used to it.

aoibhebree

There's no set rules for when you should first sleep together! Personally, I've had quite a few boyfriends, but I only ever slept with three of them, and that was after 4 months, 6 months and 2 months respectively. However I know people who had sex the first night of meeting their partners and are still together - and equally I know one couple in their thirties going out for 18 months and have never had sex! (Admittedly I think they'd be a bit of an exception.) So just do it when it feels right for both of you, and don't let yourself be put under any pressure. Besides which, if he's the type of guy to put you under pressure, he is SO not worth it!

As regards the period talk, I can understand why you mightn't be ready to talk about it at such an early stage, but if you make up an excuse like "having a headache" or whatever he might be paranoid that you don't like him or that he's doing something wrong, and as you said yourself you don't want to look like you're playing games. If I were you, I'd just say something like, "I'm sorry, it's just not a good time for me" - or "...not a good time of the month for me" if he's a bit slow! Trust me, he's not going to think you're some kind of freak for having a period! Besides there's plenty ye can do to have fun without even going down there!!

Lux23

Ok, I don't know about when is the right time to sleep with someone. I normally go with when it feels right and to be honest that can be in the first hour of meeting someone or never in my experience. As for the period thing I don't really understand the OPs issue about saying she has her period as a reason not to have sex, unless a man is a bit odd hes just going to say,alright ok. If he is a cheeky type he may ask for a blowjob but sure thats a chance to rack up some browning points.

Just relax OP and enjoy the ride, don't read too much into rules and regulations!!

LegacyUser

OP here, thanks everyone for the replies....well I bit the bullet during flirty texting, I took the advice to say about the "time of month" and he copped on straight away, said he had no problems with it at all.
I just didn't want to him to think it was him as I have slowed it down already.
Thanks everyone..you rock!