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Can a sluty leopard change her spots?

  • 18-06-2009 12:07PM
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,810 ✭✭✭✭


    If your girlfriend (24 years old) confessed to sleeping with upwards of 150 men, sometimes more than 1 at a time, should you head for the door asap? Do you think it would be possible for a girl like that to remain faithful? Or is it a case of once a slut always a slut?


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Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,344 ✭✭✭Royale with Cheese


    A lot of people will probably tell you of course she can change and her past shouldn't concern you...

    However I would definitely be out of there, and would not blame you for doing the same.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 369 ✭✭lala stone


    If your girlfriend (24 years old) confessed to sleeping with upwards of 150 men, sometimes more than 1 at a time, should you head for the door asap? Do you think it would be possible for a girl like that to remain faithful? Or is it a case of once a slut always a slut?
    whoah..... seriously? what age did she start sleeping wit guys?? how do u mean more than 1 at a time?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,097 ✭✭✭✭Kintarō Hattori


    Slut is a horrible word to use. How long have you been with the girlfriend? Has she given you an indication that she's cheating on you? Fair enough if I was aware that my GF had slept with 150 men I'd be a little concerned but I'd talk to her about it and make a judgement based on that.

    Have you talked to her about this?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 467 ✭✭aoibhebree


    I would be far more concerned that you would refer to your girlfriend as a slut; it's very disrespectful.

    I'm a firm believer that the past is the past, people can change and it's not like she did anything bad or illegal. So long as she doesn't give you reason to doubt her commitment to your relationship, I think you should just forget about it and not dwell on it.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,041 ✭✭✭stevoman


    If your girlfriend (24 years old) confessed to sleeping with upwards of 150 men, sometimes more than 1 at a time, should you head for the door asap? Do you think it would be possible for a girl like that to remain faithful? Or is it a case of once a slut always a slut?

    Honest opinion.... Who knows, everyone is different. I knnow plenty of girls who were "easy", but once they got boyfriends they were always faithfull.

    On the other hand id be gone like a bat out of hell, 150 men is a lot of sausage! And i dont think i could sit in the local pub or anywhere in a crowded place knowing that the chances are that a few of the lads there have been with her and also i would always be thinking which of the 150 men you are being compared to.

    But each to their own, make your own decision and dont be looking to the interent to for advice.
    At least then if you do get kicked in the arse it will be your own foot that does it!


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,331 ✭✭✭Keyzer


    If your girlfriend (24 years old) confessed to sleeping with upwards of 150 men, sometimes more than 1 at a time, should you head for the door asap? Do you think it would be possible for a girl like that to remain faithful? Or is it a case of once a slut always a slut?

    Thats a lot of partners for a girl of that age - I surprised at that number to be honest.

    However, the being faithful part only comes into play if she actually did the dirt on any of these partners. If not, then she is a rather promiscous but faithful person.

    I'd be more concerned about STD's to be honest...


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 168 ✭✭the_god_swan


    If your girlfriend (24 years old) confessed to sleeping with upwards of 150 men, sometimes more than 1 at a time, should you head for the door asap? Do you think it would be possible for a girl like that to remain faithful? Or is it a case of once a slut always a slut?

    Say she began at 16, thats 8 years of sex with a total of 150 men... jazsus thats a triathlon and a half... sorry back on track. Thats 18.75 men per year, and thats 1.5 men a month.

    But thats 1.5 fellows a month consecutive for 96 months... commitment issues may arise indeed OP


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,549 ✭✭✭✭cowzerp


    If your girlfriend (24 years old) confessed to sleeping with upwards of 150 men, sometimes more than 1 at a time, should you head for the door asap? Do you think it would be possible for a girl like that to remain faithful? Or is it a case of once a slut always a slut?

    Assuming she slept with all these people without cheating on partners then there is nothing to say she will cheat on you, she could be a very faithfull girl.

    Rush Boxing club and Rush Martial Arts head coach.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,814 ✭✭✭Gone Drinking


    Wouldn't bother me too much, as long as she was being faithful to me.

    Saying that, i'd be heading for an STI clinic with her though.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,435 ✭✭✭HalloweenJack


    I have to say, unless she has told you that she's cheated on ex's then you shouldn't worry about her faithfulness.

    Also, consider the other aspects of your relationship before leaving her for sleeping with people before she was with you. No offence, but if you're going to break up with her for something she did before you started going out with her then you don't have a very strong relationship in the first place.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,883 ✭✭✭shellyboo


    If your girlfriend (24 years old) confessed to sleeping with upwards of 150 men, sometimes more than 1 at a time, should you head for the door asap? Do you think it would be possible for a girl like that to remain faithful? Or is it a case of once a slut always a slut?

    Are you talking cheating or group sex here?

    150 guys is a lot, there's no denying that... but promiscuity is not the same as being unfaithful. Just because someone likes to have a lot of sex doesn't mean they're incapable of being monogamous.

    But if she's confessed to cheating in the past, I'd be pretty wary. Then again, if I knew my boyfriend thought I was a slut based on my sexual past, I'd be pretty wary too.

    She's the same person she was before she told you this. Those experiences have made her the person she is now, the person you fell for.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,810 ✭✭✭✭sbsquarepants


    Started at 14, by more than 1 at a time i mean some threesomes and sometimes just more than 1 a night but not together, haven't really talked about it, basically what is there to say other than wow!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,883 ✭✭✭shellyboo


    Started at 14, by more than 1 at a time i mean some threesomes and sometimes just more than 1 a night but not together, haven't really talked about it, basically what is there to say other than wow!


    Did you ask her or did she tell you of her own accord? I'd agree that talking about is not the thing to do, tbh. Nobody really needs to know the intimate details of their partner's past.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,810 ✭✭✭✭sbsquarepants


    Didn't ask, she just blurted it out one day in a "by the way" kind of way


  • Posts: 22,785 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Stuff like that wouldnt bother me from a fcuk buddy perspective.
    It would in all probability be a serious no no for anything more though.

    Also my willy would need serious protection on it.

    Part of me thinks fair play though for having an appetite like that and getting it.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 17,163 ✭✭✭✭Boston


    Depends on the morality she used to justify it to herself and whether that morality still applied.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 71 ✭✭Sarah W


    I applaud her honesty for telling you, she obviously feels there is nothing to be ashamed of so why should you? But if, even in your own mind, you consider here a 'slut' then you have a problem and only you can decide if you can get past that.

    Assuming she hasn't cheated on anyone - which should set alarm bells ringing - then it shouldn't be an issue.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 773 ✭✭✭Barracudaincork


    If your girlfriend (24 years old) confessed to sleeping with upwards of 150 men, sometimes more than 1 at a time, should you head for the door asap? Do you think it would be possible for a girl like that to remain faithful? Or is it a case of once a slut always a slut?


    Personally i wouldnt judge someone on how many people they have slept with, i normally judge them on the type of person they are. If she is someone who is not the faithful kind then it might be unlikely she will stay faithful, but she also might stay faithful if she has found a man worth staying faithful for.

    Men generally feel very insecure if their partners have slept with more people than them, dont be, 150 partners doesnt equate to 150 people she has amazing s*x with, she might of only had great s*x 4 times for all you know. What matters is she is with you now.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 773 ✭✭✭Barracudaincork



    Also my willy would need serious protection on it.

    You should protect your willy no matter how many people your partner has slept with!!!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,394 ✭✭✭ManOfMystery


    150 partners is certainly a lot for her age. And whilst most people here are rightly telling you not to worry and it's got nothing to do with her faithfulness, I actually would tend to worry.

    150 sexual partners by the age of 24 indicates that she has not stayed with any of the men for any long period of time and seems to move from man to man quickly. I would be seeking reassurance from her that you're going to be more than just number 151.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 784 ✭✭✭marzic


    If it was me, I think I would want to understand why? it seems alot of partners for any individual, but also the threesomes or more than one partner in one night. You should talk to her obviously, especially if you were worried that she might still want to continue with this type of sexual behaviour within/outside your relationship. Also you both should have a full STI screening, if you havent already. How you broach the subject is important if you dont want to turn it into a big arguement, you have to be prepared to listen if you ask -there may be some underlying reasons. do you know about her family/ upbringing? do you know about her childhood/teenage years? 14 is very young to start having sex.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,810 ✭✭✭✭sbsquarepants


    Thanks for the advice folks, but now to come clean (so to speak) Although i've phrased the question in the present tense, this situation actualy arose about 8 years ago, i decided at the time that her past wasn't really any of my business and to give things a go. We moved in, bought a house and i really honestly loved her with all my heart. Long story short, after a couple of years i found out she was sleeping around and stupid as it now sounds i was genuinely shocked, it broke my heart. We split up about 4 years ago. I'm not the type to bad mouth or bear grudges so i never told anyone what happened, i was also embarrased to tell the truth, but the other day while drunk, i told my friend. He basically called me an idiot for ever trusting a girl like that and said any other bloke would have dumped her immediately, basically i just wanted to see if he was right and thought by phrasing it in the present i would get a clearer picture, i didn't mean to decieve anyone. For what it's worth i still think i was right to take the chance, with the passage of sufficient time i honestly believe you'll always regret the things you didn't do more than the things you did. Thanks again for the advice


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 496 ✭✭j0e


    well lad u went for it which is a credit to you as a person it's just a pitty she ****ed u over, but sure thats been done by manys as person who has slept with a lot less people.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,662 ✭✭✭Trinity


    I dont think its stupid that you were shocked, its always a major blow when we put our trust in someone and they let you down badly

    However i think its fair to say you should always trust your gut, i've never cheated and i'm no angel, so dont let one bad apple rot the whole barrel


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 262 ✭✭txt_mess


    There are a couple of things to think about here :

    She was single and having fun that's her business it doesn't reflect on how faithful she is just says to me when she settles she'd be a bit more informed then most.

    Second bit is does she have a problem is there some complusion for her to do this ( I mean other then personal choice ) that she may need to talk to a professional about.

    Thirdly STI's I would be getting tested ( both of you ) because nothing is truely safe and it's better to go into things without having that palyin on both your minds.


    Personally it wouldn't bother me about a person's past it's how they relate to me and whether they are commited to me or not that would be my worry , yeh the past is always there but if you like someone why let it get in the way and ruin something the may have the potenial to be great.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,405 ✭✭✭RHunce


    aoibhebree wrote: »
    I'm a firm believer that the past is the past, people can change and it's not like she did anything bad or illegal. So long as she doesn't give you reason to doubt her commitment to your relationship, I think you should just forget about it and not dwell on it.
    Started at 14

    no aoibhebree, thats illegal


  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,296 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Boston wrote: »
    Depends on the morality she used to justify it to herself and whether that morality still applied.
    +100 This is exactly how I would look at it too. Good yardstick alright. Of course the only way to find out is often to try it. In your case OP sadly it didn't work out as her morality was still in the old headspace.

    Many worry about Artificial Intelligence. I worry far more about Organic Idiocy.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,909 ✭✭✭✭iguana


    Don't feel bad for having trusted her, I'm sorry it didn't work out, but you weren't a fool for giving it a shot with someone you fell for. My first bf slept with 4 people before being with me, not a huge number for a 20 year old. Didn't stop him cheating on me though. I had two other guys cheat on me as well and neither of them had particularly high numbers of previous lovers. On the other hand I had a few pretty wild single years but I have never cheated on anyone anyone, nor do I believe I ever will.

    With retrospect I think my exes who cheated had a type of insecurity that they couldn't deal with. They didn't have a lot of confidence and I think cheating gave them a kind of boost. I know two of them have since cheated on later partners while the third slept with his best friend's fiance about a year after our relationship. It does sound as if maybe your ex was the same. That she was looking for something from a partner that she needed to get from herself, but wasn't able to give it.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,883 ✭✭✭shellyboo


    Hinsight's 20-20, OP.

    From my point of view, I'd rather give people - and relationships - a chance than be dismissive and cynical. I think you did the right thing at the time. If you don't take risks, and if you don't trust, then you'll be unhappy whatever you do, imo.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,145 ✭✭✭SarahSassy


    a girl like that
    once a slut always a slut?

    You must have a nice view from that high moral ground. Make sure you dont trip now. How dare you speak about your gf like that? She has been honest with you, doesnt appear to have given you any reason to think she was unfaithful and this is the way you refer to her....

    She can do better than you and not the other way round.


This discussion has been closed.
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