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Brothers not talking.....for years

  • 18-06-2009 8:27am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi
    There is only myself and one brother..no sisters..we are both in our 40s,both live and work quite close to each other in dublin. He married years no kids. me divorced one teen daughter. we have never gotten on..no rows or anything, just no contact..In my daughter's 15 years he has only spoken to her twice and only ever gave her a pressie for her communion (well I gave her money and he gave it back to me..)
    The only contact we have is telephone conversations surrounding my mum who is in a nursing home...
    We are quite different in many ways but obviously similiar in others being related...
    I would dearly love for us to be more friendly (he's about the only family I have afterall...)

    he even walked straight past me in town recently ignoring the fact I was there....

    Any ideas???


Comments

  • #2
    AJG
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 349 ✭✭AJG


    Could you write him a letter outlining some of the stuff you just said.

    My dad's in a similar position with his siblings over their father's will.

    You can't make him have a relationship with you. If he doesn't reply to the letter you might have to come to the realisation that he just doesn't want to know.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    If you are able to have a conversation about your mother then at least you are able to talk to each other on some level. Why not suggest meeting up for a drink the next time you need to have that discussion instead of doing it by phone, talk to him and try to establish some kind of regular contact from there. I'm not close to my siblings either and our only real link is our parents. I often wonder if we will ever keep in contact once they are gone but you've made me want to do something about it now, so thanks for that!


  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Unregistered wrote: »
    If you are able to have a conversation about your mother then at least you are able to talk to each other on some level. Why not suggest meeting up for a drink the next time you need to have that discussion instead of doing it by phone, talk to him and try to establish some kind of regular contact from there. I'm not close to my siblings either and our only real link is our parents. I often wonder if we will ever keep in contact once they are gone but you've made me want to do something about it now, so thanks for that!

    Glad I'm not the only one :-)
    Drink is a great idea...cheers .......


  • #5
    Acoustic
    Closed Accounts Posts: 639 ✭✭✭Acoustic


    my dads in the same position

    helping his brothers in business to be shafted

    one word

    SAD

    and thats on their part , he's well better off without the losers


  • #6
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    was there a reason you stopped talking.?

    Did you argue or was it a gradual thing.


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  • #7
    Handsome Bob
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,905 ✭✭✭✭Handsome Bob


    My dad had the same issues with his own brothers. They didn't fall out or anything, just kind of drifted a part. Unfortunately it took a bereavment in the family to bring them close again. I'm sure they are not the circumstances you would want OP for becoming close to your brother again so I would suggest to you that you be the bigger man. Extend the olive branch and ask your brother to meet up, just the two of you, no extended family. If he turns you down then that says more about him than it does about you OP. Good luck.


  • #8
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    CDfm wrote: »
    was there a reason you stopped talking.?

    Did you argue or was it a gradual thing.

    Op here...we were in fact NEVER close...

    Totally different when young..and never got on together..but now we are older (and I hope wiser..) I cant help thinking Id like to be friendlier with him...


  • #9
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    Unregistered wrote: »
    Op here...we were in fact NEVER close...

    Totally different when young..and never got on together..but now we are older (and I hope wiser..) I cant help thinking Id like to be friendlier with him...

    Well its a do lunch thing then on a Saturday - there are loads of nice places that are quite and do deals and are fairly inexpensive.

    Then you can either go for a pint afterwards or arrange to meet up again.

    Call him.


  • #10
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    reminds me of our family situation with my uncle....
    never met him or cousins even though they live relatively close
    sometimes i wonder what they're like..
    its sad when family problems cant be sorted out
    life is short and difficult enough without family going against each other...
    i understand that its hard for you because its been so long and when you will feel silly making closer contact at first but itl be worth it...think off a way you could work around it...eg. a special occacsion or ring him up to find out about some family detail you need to find out for an application form...think hard and you'll find a way....good luck


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