Sibling rivalry: does it ever stop?

misfit_crimson

I'm the oldest of 5 kids, I have one younger sister and three younger brothers. As I myself am female, you can imagine me and my sister argue the most.
When she was starting her LC year, she stopped talking to me. This has been going on for about a year!!!!!


I would have thought that sisters tend to be jealous and compete appearance-wise, and maybe brothers tend to compete physically? But I thought sibling rivalry would lessen as we grow older?

Does anyone else have intense competition or rivalry with an older/younger sibling, even persisting into adulthood?

Fiend-Foe

There are 10+ years between me and my siblings so I get on well with them.

Are you still living at home?

I reckon things will improve once you move out and you all get a little older and aren't lumped together against your will.

But then again, I have seen it persist into adulthood in some cases.

deisemum

I'm the eldest of 9 and have 7 younger sisters youngest being in her mid-20's and I'm in my mid-40's.

The rivalry is much worse now than when we were children. I don't think there's one member of the family that even talks to everyone. As there are a lot of us so there are different "gangs" within the family.

Fortunately for me I left home before the youngest was even born and then emigrated and now live in another part of the country so I'm out of the loop for most of it.

My mother who's a nasty bit*h is the root cause for most of the nastiness as she's always had her favourites which is now following on with grandchildren. My mother has always played one off against the other.

LegacyUser

I am 26 and my brother is 32... when we were kids we fought like cats and dogs... now we simply don't speak to one another much. We pass ourselves civilly, that's it. And it's not a case of living in close quarters, he lives in another country! I really dislike this setup and have tried and failed to make an effort to be friends, but he just refuses to so I don't bother any more. Sad, I know.

My point is, lots of people say sibling relationships will improve as ye get older, but in many cases it doesn't. You just become polite but still as resentful, I think. As you are the elder, I am sure you get accused of "not having enough sense" and people telling you "you should know better" etc etc.... but it takes the two people to make the effort, it really does, so if you are trying your best to be friends and it's not happening, its not your fault.

All you can do it maintain this and hope that one day she comes around.

LegacyUser

It won't necessarily get better. i am the eldest of three girls. We are all in our thirties now. One sister is not just jealous of me but jealous of everyone around her so I've learnt to keep my distance. She has done some seriously bad stuff to me which I won't even get into here. My other sister is also very jealous and insecure. she has competed with me in everything over the years; If I liked a guy she would make sure that he noticed her instead of me. Even if she already had a boyfriend she walk by him smiling or stare at him until he looked at her just to show me that she could have him if she wanted.(still happens today).
Makes a point of buying the same clothes , books and music that I listen to. ...always has done and probably always will. When I went travelling some years ago she made a point of going to all the same countries soon afterwards and then exclaim loudly to people than I wasn't the only one to have been to these places but she also did it. the list goes on....It's like as if she has tried to rob me of my individuality over the years.
They have both managed to turn other family members against me, not by anything that I've done but by pure bitching. Some of my brothers love to get in on the act just like my sisters. Like the last poster, my mum has a lot to do with it. she encourages it all, hates for any of us to get too independent like me so I have constantly been shot done over the years. i think my mother has low self esteem and is afraid that she won't have a reason in life if her children don't depend on her. Hence the reason my siblings revert back to being little children when they walk through her door even though the youngest is 31.
I avoid them now as much as possible and when I do meet up with them I just keep things superficial. I don't tell my sister anything new that I'm doing so that she can run off and copy me and I don't tell any of them anything personal whatsoever because otherwise it will be gossiped about behind my back and used against me somehow.
To be honest, I think this happens a lot in families. I have known other women who have the exact same experiences with their sisters or brothers in their adult lives. So don't expect them to change, just change the way you react to their behavior.

keefg

I haven't spoken to my brother in over 15 years and I've spoke to my sister twice in that time as well (due to various fall outs & family rows).

I don't let it bother me at all, I just get on with my life. If I never see/speak to them again I see it as no great loss but I do understand that some people get really upset over family splits.

Try to talk to your sister alone or maybe write her a letter explaining how you feel. If she doesn't respond to that then I suggest you just move on and hope things change over time, otherwise the only person getting hurt is you.