I think I love her, but don't want to scare her off.

LegacyUser

I got talking to a woman, both 23, on match.com and after a month we met in real life in a coffee shop.

Conversation was flowing for over two hours, which was good. But since that time she has been distant. It was the first time we say each other apart from a headshot photo.

I'm thinking maybe I'm not as muscular or as fit as she imagined. I thought she was wonderful in almost every way. She works shifts, but the hours always seem to be when I want to meet, I think she is luke warm about me, but she says she "likes" me and she is just shy.

I suppose the online element makes us both appear a bit desperate, but now to the point. Since meeting her I now feel lonely, I want to be near her, the thought of not seeing her again makes me well up, I can't remember the last time I cried, I feel an emptiness in my heart, as it there is physically something missing. I'm not soppy and can control my emotions but this is tearing me up. Should I tell her how I feel? on the off chance that she feels the same way, but if not then I'll look desperate. I mean we only met once, she could think I'm a nutter? maybe I am.

I have been on dates before and liked girls, but never like this.

Please give me your 2 cents.

Sarah W

There's nothing desperate about online dating but there does seem to be a desperation in your desire to be with someone you really don't know other than superficially. And that is very, VERY off-putting. Slow it way down and try to work out why she has affected you in such a dramatic manner.

Whatever you do, please don't put her on a pedestal - it's very restricting and she is bound to fall off it and that will disappoint you both.

Otis Driftwood

Id say keep your professions of love to yourself for the time being buddy.

Ye have only met the once and generally that is enough to make your mind up as to whether you want to meet someone again or are physically interested in them.

You should steel yourself for the possibility that she isnt interested in you in that way.

LegacyUser

I think she prob senses your eagerness which is prob turning her off.....in fairness, it's nice to feel comfortable with someone and that the initial feel good vibes are recipricated but when they have that glazed look of admiration across their face you can feel a bit like shouting " neeeeext!"

If you met a girl who instantly thought you were God's Gift and had unquestionable and relentless faith in your greatness .....though it might feel good for you, there must be some part of you that would think they were a bit naieve. (i'd hope)

It's nice to fall in love, but i think you're just infatuated. distract yourself quick before you make an eegit out of yourself.

LegacyUser

Just tell her you find her extremely attractive and really really like her. No need for all that love business after just one date!

LegacyUser

I think you should keep your feeling under wrap for the time being, the best thing to do would be try meet up again, unfortunatly we all have to play the game and sometimes it does work.
Try be casual and when you meet be yourself, if it works out great but at the end of the end of the day do you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you? you sound like a nice guy and if there is a connection there for you then there may be for her too but you might scare her away if you say exactly how you feel right now. After a few more dates then maybe say how you feel... None of us can help how we feel and like you say you wouldn't normally fall as easily so there must be something there. Just give it a little time. I used to work shifts it is hard cause when i was dating i wanted to feel fresh and not be wrecked tired if I was going on a date.

Taltos

Unregistered wrote: »

Should I tell her how I feel? on the off chance that she feels the same way, but if not then I'll look desperate. I mean we only met once, she could think I'm a nutter? maybe I am.

Unregistered wrote: »

I think she prob senses your eagerness which is prob turning her off.....in fairness, it's nice to feel comfortable with someone and that the initial feel good vibes are recipricated but when they have that glazed look of admiration across their face you can feel a bit like shouting " neeeeext!"

Think the 2nd quote here really tells you what you need to know / do.
Be vary careful of coming on too strong ( can be interpreted as desperate). Just try to relax and be yourself.
Maybe wait a few days and see about meeting up again - but the key here is just be yourself as you would be with your friends.
You have to remember that talking to someone online is very different - and equally true - this girl could very well be telling you the truth here - she could be nervous and shy - and again coming on too strong would send most people screaming in the opposite direction.

Best of luck and if this relationship does not work out for you take the lessons learnt into the next one.

Best of Luck
T