Any good jokes??

matty84

just taught id start up a joke thread for a bit of a laugh:D:D

Ill start us off....

man takes his wife to casualty, she's all cuts and bruises. the doctor asks what happened the man replies she was going through the change doctor. doctor replies going through the change doesn't do that to you, the man replies it does when the change is still in my pocket


What do you call a smiling Roman with pubic hair between his teeth?
Gladiator!

How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your pecker.

Why do you get paid more at the Sperm Bank than at the Blood Bank?
Sperm is handmade.

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.

What should you do if you girlfriend starts smoking?
Slow down and use a lubricant.

A Chinese couple is in bed. The husband says he wants 69. His wife says, "Why you want Beef and Broccoli now?"

What's white and sticky and found on public toilet walls?
George Michael's latest release.

:p:p:p:pac::pac::D:D

Hagar

Great idea, if anyone is interested there's a darts match on over in the Humour Forum.

matty84

Hagar wrote: »

Great idea, if anyone is interested there's a darts match on over in the Humour Forum.

Haha
Sorry chief:(

ratinakeg

matty84 wrote: »

just taught id start up a joke thread for a bit of a laugh:D:D

Ill start us off....

man takes his wife to casualty, she's all cuts and bruises. the doctor asks what happened the man replies she was going through the change doctor. doctor replies going through the change doesn't do that to you, the man replies it does when the change is still in my pocket


What do you call a smiling Roman with pubic hair between his teeth?
Gladiator!

How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your pecker.

Why do you get paid more at the Sperm Bank than at the Blood Bank?
Sperm is handmade.

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.

What should you do if you girlfriend starts smoking?
Slow down and use a lubricant.

A Chinese couple is in bed. The husband says he wants 69. His wife says, "Why you want Beef and Broccoli now?"

What's white and sticky and found on public toilet walls?
George Michael's latest release.

:p:p:p:pac::pac::D:D

LOL!!:D:D Some of them are classics!:D

I'm not great at tellng jokes but I'll try think of a few!:(:D

I'm on my way over to the humour forum...

Carrickman

Wayne Mardle at the Premier League this season now that was a joke....

Hagar

Sorry Mods, but we could get in a dartboard if we got a few regulars.

Here's a darts joke to be going on with


A Celtic fan and a Rangers fan are playing darts, and up steps the Celtic fan to the ocky first. First dart double top, second dart double top and the third dart bounces off the board and straight back at the Rangers fan and kills him. Then the MC announces: "1 hun dead and eighty!"

ratinakeg

Hagar wrote: »

Sorry Mods, but we could get in a dartboard if we got a few regulars.

Here's a darts joke to be going on with


A Celtic fan and a Rangers fan are playing darts, and up steps the Celtic fan to the ocky first. First dart double top, second dart double top and the third dart bounces off the board and straight back at the Rangers fan and kills him. Then the MC announces: "1 hun dead and eighty!"

LMAO!!:D:D:D:D

Brilliant!!!:D:pac:

!

How is a dart different than a woman?






















A dart can score!

Hagar

So I said, "You up for a game of darts?"
He said, "Okay then."
I said, "Nearest to bull starts."
He said, "Baa."
I said, "Moo."
He said, "You're closest!"

!

What the difference between a dart and the DART in Dublin?



A dart would travel faster. :pac:

!

A man walks up to a woman and says "I'd throw a dart for you!"

matty84

A little boy ran in to his mum with a thorn in his finger. sobbing he said " mummy can i have a glass of cider for my finger" not fully understanding but obviously being tugged by the heart strings and keen to oblige she trundled off to the kitchen and returned with a half of mr grubbs finest addlestones cider. the little boy thrust his finger in the drink and sobbed " it doesn't work, it doesn't work"
"what doesn't work"? enquired his mum.

to which the boy replied " i can't understand it, i overheard sis telling her friends that when she gets a prick in her hand she can't wait to get it in cider"!!

Double Top

two blonde's walked into a building.........think one of them would of saw it

ratinakeg

Double Top wrote: »

two blonde's walked into a building.........think one of them would of saw it

LOL!!!:D:D:D:pac:

blossom180

little boy walks into kitchen,ma an da havin sex on the table,boy asks what yas doin,da replies,makin ya a little sister.boy says,why not do it doggie style id rather have a pup:D:D:D

ratinakeg

Ted Hankey!:pac::pac:

MBC

Recession Joke..............A guy is trying to commit suicide by drowning himself in dun laoghaire harbour when suddenly a guy jumps in and starts to swim towards him.

Fcuk off says the man i dont want to be saved.

Im not trying to save you i just want to know where you work bud