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Feel a bit annoyed

  • 14-06-2009 11:01PM
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭


    hi boards. I know this isn't a huge problem and it's hardly a big deal but basically I'm feeling a little bit insulted by something that happened Friday night with my friends. It was a good friend's birthday so I thought it would be nice to start off the night with some drinks, snack and a cake at my place before heading into the town for a night of dancing. I got up at 8.30am Friday morning (had it off work for a change :) ) and cleaned the house top to bottom and went shopping for stuff for all the gang and then went to pick up the present I'd gotten for my friend. We arranged to meet in mine at 8. One person text me to say they'd been held up and he arrived at half nine. The rest didn't show up until eleven. So we did the whole cake thing, sang happy birthday, took pics and legged it into the town. When we got in we ended up standing around for an hour while everyone disagreed on where to go for drinks. I had said earlier in the night that I didn't mind at all as long as it wasn't one particular pub because my ex drinks there every Friday and I didn't wana see him. So that was grand, people finally decided on a place but then they stalled again as there was more d*cking around, waiting for more people to come.

    Anyway, while I chatted to a group who were waiting to go inside a club we were waiting outside, the rest of them said okay we're all ready. And said they were going to the pub my ex was in. So I didn't follow and I just met another friend who was out and had one drink and went home. Turned out the others all stayed in the pub where my ex was til closing time and then went to a house thing after wards. I came home to clean up and I feel a bit crappy about it because I wanted to have fun too. I just really didn't want to go see my ex and there were at least five other pubs and clubs we could have gone to.

    Anyway one of my friends said before she left that she'd try convince them to come to another place where I wouldn't be uncomfortable. But she never text me. And i didn't hear from anyone until twenty to three that morning, by which stage I'd obviously gone home.

    I know it may seem petty to not wana drink in the same place as my ex but it was the one place I really didn't want to go and there were so many other choices. Plus, all I basically did was buy snacks, food, drinks etc for everyone.. travel into town, stood outside for an hour, met another friend for ten mins, went home and tidied up. I just feel a bit 'meh' about it. I'm glad my friend had a good birthday but it seems like a wasted effort on my part. Am I being selfish? Or can anybody see where I'm coming from? I'm not arguing with any of them and I've no intentions of getting angry over something so trivial I just feel a bit hurt. I'd put a lot of effort in and they just ran off to a place they knew I wouldn't go to. :/


Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,252 ✭✭✭Dr. Baltar


    Yes, you should be annoyed that that happened especially after you put so much effort into your friend's birthday. You sound like a good friend.
    That being said, it was your friend's birthday and the birthday boy/girl pretty much has the right to go where they want.
    It's not right what they did, but I guess all you can do at this stage is either confront your friends and talk it out or just get over it.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,752 ✭✭✭tony1kenobi


    It wasn't your party so you don't get to cry.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Prob not really about the party night but about how your friends treated you, what happened was that you were totally discounted and ignored by your friends, if you are young and still used to the gang thing then this kind of stuff happens all the time and the stronger characters in the group will always get their way, you may be growing up and realizing that some of your friends are selfish and you may find you are happy with a few decent people in your life who you can depend on and who will value and respect you rather than a big gang where the leaders just get to have all their fun their way,


    I dunno i am just speculating but this is exactly what happened to me and i found i grew out of certain friends and put my energy into people who respected me and valued me.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,085 ✭✭✭Xiney


    Actually, the OP put in a lot of effort and it wasn't appreciated.

    I think you're right to be upset. It was selfish of your friends to show up so late, and ignore your one (very reasonable!) request not to go to a specific bar, for whatever the reason. Hell, even if you didn't like the fact that they use pepsi as a mixer as opposed to coke, you would have had the right to request "anywhere but there!" and good friends would take it into consideration.


    They don't sound like very good friends tbh. I would explore other avenues of friendship and drop them altogether eventually.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,331 ✭✭✭✭bronte


    I'd be pretty pissed if that happened to me op. Sit them down and tell them you're not happy.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 387 ✭✭gimme5minutes


    Xiney wrote: »
    Actually, the OP put in a lot of effort and it wasn't appreciated.

    I think you're right to be upset. It was selfish of your friends to show up so late, and ignore your one (very reasonable!) request not to go to a specific bar, for whatever the reason. Hell, even if you didn't like the fact that they use pepsi as a mixer as opposed to coke, you would have had the right to request "anywhere but there!" and good friends would take it into consideration.


    They don't sound like very good friends tbh. I would explore other avenues of friendship and drop them altogether eventually.

    Why is it often suggested on this board to drop all your friends over some minor transgression or percieved slight? You'll have no friends at all if you go around with that attitude.

    Obviously, from the original post it seems like there was quite a big crowd of people out and when that's the case all you can do is follow where the group want to go. Everyone prob had different places they'd rather head to if it took so long to come to a decision and the place they decided on was obviously the best compromise. And I can't really see what the big deal was over going to some pub that your ex might be in. It's not like you were going to be in a small room with him, you were going to a pub with a big group of people on one of the busiest nights of the week, chances are you prob wouldn't see him even if he was there.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Xiney wrote: »
    Actually, the OP put in a lot of effort and it wasn't appreciated.

    I think you're right to be upset. It was selfish of your friends to show up so late, and ignore your one (very reasonable!) request not to go to a specific bar, for whatever the reason. Hell, even if you didn't like the fact that they use pepsi as a mixer as opposed to coke, you would have had the right to request "anywhere but there!" and good friends would take it into consideration.


    They don't sound like very good friends tbh. I would explore other avenues of friendship and drop them altogether eventually.

    +1

    I agree, there is nothing wrong with expecting some respect from friends, Good friends would compromise fairly,

    OP you did the right thing going home and respecting yourself, unfortunately you had to be your only friend you had that night.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 23,718 ✭✭✭✭JonathanAnon


    I dont think anything positive will be achieved by dwelling on this point. Like was said above though, you're friends dont seem the most loyal.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,095 ✭✭✭Wurly


    Well take this as a lesson learned.

    I can understand why you are annoyed. But you went to an awful lot of trouble. No one else put themselves out like you did.

    Perhaps in future, you'll still do nice things for your friends but you wont go over and beyond for them. Especially if they don't appreciate it.

    The pub thing would irritate me too.. But look - some people are just careless and they simply don't think. I doubt it was personal. And had you not broken your back for your friends previously that evening, it prob wouldn't have bothered you that much.

    You can't control others actions, you can only control how you respond to them. Now, you could have decided to stay out all night with the other friend and have a great time. You could have said 'feck the cleaning up' and went home to run yourself a nice long bath.

    Instead you allowed yourself to feel used and unappreciated. You thought about everything over and over again and felt anger. Justified? Yes. Productive? No.

    In this case - I would simply forget it. By thinking of how annoyed you are, you will only prolong how long this affects you. You've learned a lesson. You are not going to put yourself out to this degree again by yourself. And you certainly won't do it if your friends aren't ever willing to do it for you. If plans go t1ts up of an evening - that's okay. And you'll deal with it accordingly at the time.

    But bringing this up with your friends may cause an argument. It may cause them to say things like 'oh you're overreacting' or 'it wasnt even your birthday so why are you making such a drama out of it'. Basically - they may not get it. And if they don't, it will annoy you even more.

    So - do nothing is my advice. But just don't put yourself out again.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 168 ✭✭the_god_swan


    As the cara match boxes say "when drink is in sense is out"... id be annoyed too but i wouldnt fall out with anyone over it. Just remember this next time they look for someone to house the party.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 570 ✭✭✭Salome


    Maybe your friends felt that the cake and drinks beforehand at your place was someting YOU wanted - it's not nice when your friends don't do what you want is it? A friend of mine is like this - she goes nuts when you don't toe the line with her arrangements/idea of how a night out should be. Are you a bit of a control freak?

    Also the ex in the pub thing. Did you know that your ex was definitely there? Should it matter if he was? You're out with your friends - you didn't need to care whether your ex was there or not. Sounds a little immature on your part if you ask me.

    And do you not feel that it's the majority of the group that should say where the party ends up - not a dictatorship of one?

    It wasn't your birthday - why should you determine how the night goes? Your friends do have a say as well.


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