How should be enough??

LegacyUser

I've been going out with my boyfriend for 6 months. Everythings fine but Im starting to feel less than happy.
We live less than 10 mins from eachother but only ever meet up once or twice a week. This is the perfect amount of time for him...but I'd like to see more of him. Also, even though he lives on his own, whenever we meet up its to go and 'do' things like the cinema or out boozing with friends. and it always has to be arranged in advance. He'd NEVER just ring me & ask me to call over and hang out. He's also never even been in my house.

To give you an example of how things typically are: Last week we met up twice.First time for dinner but he wanted an early night so I was home by 10 - it was our birthday dinner so was expecting to be invited back for a bit! Second time he was going to a concert with his friends & met me afterwards at about 11pm out in town drunk with his friends.
I invited him over yesterday evening because I've the house to myself but he had to go home for dinner with the family. I invited him over this evening but he was too tired. ( Was out late again last night at a work thing). His response was 'really sorry but sure at least we've the cinema to look forward to on wednesday!'

I'm starting to feel like whats the point in being in a relationship when you hardly ever see the person. I don't want to go to the cinema on wednesday if it's the only night I'm going to see him - i'd much rather hang out at his and get a dvd!
So I don't understand why he doesn't feel the same.

I can't be annoyed at him. If he's tired or busy then that's ok. but i'd love to feel like he wanted to make the effort to see me. Maybe he could have called in for an hour on his way back from dinner last night since he'd have been driving past my house or maybe he could find time to meet me for lunch some day since he's not working - theres always ways.

But am I right to feel like this?
He has said he likes his independence which is fine but I'm really starting to wonder whether he really loves me or is that bothered one way or the other.
What's the 'normal' thing to do? Would once or twice be enough for you? It would be good to get other peoples opinions - maybe I'm way needier than I thought I was...! But am I right to doubt his feelings for me? He says he loves me...i know he at least 'thinks' he does. But maybe he's wrong?

This is the first person I've ever really loved and I've been in a few relationships that were alot longer so I don't just want to walk away. but it's crappy feeling not that wanted....

VaioCruiser

I think that in life sometimes love is just not enough. Sometimes we fall in love with someone who "likes" us a lot, maybe they even love us, but who have different priorities and different needs. We are then faced with a dilemma of how much to compromise our needs against theirs.

I am not a huge fan of subordinating our emotional and physical needs to a huge extent. It only leads to frustration and later resentment.

You need to discuss this with him and find out what is at the core of the issue. Is this the level of contact he is happy with long term ? Is there another reason ?
When you find out, then you have to look closely at what you need out of a relationship - and decide how much you are willing to sacrifice.


All the best.

madra-rua

Sounds to me like a pretty one-sided relationship - everything seems to be on his terms! You need to sit down and have a chat with him - basically tell him all the stuff you've posted on here and see where it goes from there.

Good luck