Scared of men

LegacyUser

Well it is just as the title implies. I have a fear of men. Im not a lesbian far from it. I cant talk to men at all whether I am attracted to them or not. From my friends partners to complete strangers. A guy came to fit the phone in the other day and I just sat there he must of thought I was a complete looser. I recently went to a childs birthday party which my son was invited to and the parents where there. On a couple of occassions I was left with the father and I just didnt know what to say so i just sat there and had one of those awkward silences but when I was left with the mother we chatted away.
Ive alot of women in my family and witnessed alot of bad things that men have done. Eg. Stalking, physical abuse, mental abuse. Maybe its in our genes that we attract psychos!!
Im a single parent and havent been in a relationship in nearly 7years and im only 24. Ds father nearly threw me down a flight of stairs before I found out I was pregnant since then I have had low self esteem problems and its got alot worse recently. I gave up on love and now just dont seem to care if I meet someone or not. I feel guilty of this because I would love to have a family for me and ds.
Where do I go from here? I want this to change.

My name is URL

If it's a worry for you, you should see a counsellor. It's only natural that you'd be weary of men after seeing abuse of family members etc, and not to mention your own experiences.

Counselling will help you come to terms with what's happened in the past. Only then will you be ready to deal with the future.

Go and talk to your GP and they'll set up a meeting for you

All the best

CDfm

Normal people dont do the violence thing but its normal to be nervous and vigilant if that was your experience.

I think you are shy and probably need to speak to someone about it and probably even your GP if its affecting other areas in your life.

Its the summer and its a great time to tackle this.

LegacyUser

When dealing with electrician/friends husband did you feel a physical sense of threat? Like you were in danger?

Or did you simply not know how to talk to them?

I grew up in female household too and had no motion how to make conversation with men either for a long time. Til I realised they're mostly just like us! Chat about weather, whats on the news? Practice everyday with a guy at the corner shop whatever. Most people grow out of shyness by late 20s.

If its the former then consider counselling.

ok_one_more_so

I'm presuming you weren't always scared of men if you managed to get together with your child's father so I wonder is the way he treated you something to do with this? You say there's a lot of women in your family but you don't mention if there are any men, I just wonder are there any positive male role-models in your life? You seem like a really lovely girl with a lot of love to give and it would be a pity to let this get out of hand so I definitely think you should think about talking to counsellor especially as you really seem to want to change.

LegacyUser

Thank you for your replies. Does a problem like this really warrant counselling though? In every other sense of my life Im happy I just get a bit down about being on my own but that is to be expected.
There are men in the family the ones who continue to create the problems.My dad has always been one of those that was there in body but not in mind. I did used to get on with men and had male friends. I just wish I could talk to a guy without feeling that they think im unattractive and not worth talking to. Its got to the point when im in the post office for eg I dread having to go to a male cashier even in the supermarkets i would go to the back of the queue or to one where a woman is serving. I just cant get past it as it seems very silly now.

LegacyUser

Ah you're just suffering a crisis of confidence.

You just need practice. And chances are, at 24, many guys do think you're attractive. Or maybe they don't particularly think that way at all; they just see as a person. It wasn't until I worked with a load of men that I realised interaction doesn't have to be sexual. Just don't get into the trap of thinking all men are bad just because you've had some bad experiences. It sounds like your main issue is shyness. I know its hard but make an effort. Nobody is judging you as harshly as you are yourself.

Dr. Baltar

You're name here is "sillyiknow" but i have to disagree. This issue isn't silly at all.
I've got to agree with an above poster and say that you should really look into some professional help and counselling.
Don't suffer for the rest of your life in silence.