Should I tell her?

victoriaa

Here's the thing.. I saw one of my friend's 3 years boyfriend kissing and being very touchy-feely with another girl in a club. I decided not to spill the beans.. It would hurt her so much and I'm more than sure that they will eventually get back together and I will become the bad character of the story.
But my conscience says I'm not a good friend if I keep my mouth shut. And what really annoys me is that he doesn't let her do anything, they always fight when she wants to go out with the girls (even if it's about shopping at 10 a.m) let alone go dancing in a club.. Still, he has the nerve to f*ck around.

Squeeonline

If he's a nice guy talk to him and give him a chance to come clean himself before you go to her.

If he is an asshole and you dont want to see them together, tell her. It would be worse for her if everyone knew about his infidelities except her.

irish_goat

Squeeonline wrote: »

If he's a nice guy talk to him and give him a chance to come clean himself before you go to her.

If he is an asshole and you dont want to see them together, tell her. It would be worse for her if everyone knew about his infidelities except her.

Spot on.

Add that if he's a nice guy but refuses to let her go out and do her own thing then tell him he needs to wise up in that respect too.

scubasteve

The right thing to do is tell her but be prepared to be the bad guy even if they dont get back together. In my experience people tend shoot the messanger in these situations.

Squeeonline

If she does shoot the messenger, she'll come around eventually. If he really is as controlling as he sounds, she should really have an idea that he's not the best for her.

You may take some Flak for telling her but in the long run it will be better for everyone involved.

victoriaa

Well.. I couldn't stand the guy from day one. So I did all my best to avoid his presence and in 3 years I managed to say 5 words to him. I really don't feel comfortable to suddenly take the phone and say "Hi. I know we didn't speak much, but I saw you the other night doing some nasty stuff and I think you should talk with your girlfriend about it"

scubasteve

Squeeonline wrote: »

If she does shoot the messenger, she'll come around eventually. If he really is as controlling as he sounds, she should really have an idea that he's not the best for her.

You may take some Flak for telling her but in the long run it will be better for everyone involved.

Totally agree should have mentioned you would prob end up being mates.
Its a rough situation to be in. Did anyother mutal friends witness this? It always helps to have back up!

Squeeonline

Basically you dont know him. If you have no love for him, just tell her. She'll hate you at first, but it has to be done.

victoriaa

scubasteve wrote: »

Totally agree should have mentioned you would prob end up being mates.
Its a rough situation to be in. Did anyother mutal friends witness this? It always helps to have back up!

Yeah, they did.. But we all agreed not to say anything..

scubasteve

victoriaa wrote: »

Yeah, they did.. But we all agreed not to say anything..

Maybe try get get acouple of them on board with the idea of telling her. If it was me I'd be very upset if my mates new my oh was cheating but didn't say anything. Like a double whammie of betrayal.:(

You just remember that your doing the right thing. Your a good friend.

victoriaa

Betrayal is a harsh word.. isn't it? I really don't know if I'm prepared to be the reason of her unhappiness. But I guess I will try to talk with the others..

Corb

He's the reason for her unhappiness, not you!

You'd want someone to tell you if it was your boyfriend wouldn't you? It drives me crazy when I see things like this, if you're her friend tell her.

thebullkf

victoriaa wrote: »

Here's the thing.. I saw one of my friend's 3 years boyfriend kissing and being very touchy-feely with another girl in a club. I decided not to spill the beans.. It would hurt her so much and I'm more than sure that they will eventually get back together and I will become the bad character of the story.
But my conscience says I'm not a good friend if I keep my mouth shut. And what really annoys me is that he doesn't let her do anything, they always fight when she wants to go out with the girls (even if it's about shopping at 10 a.m) let alone go dancing in a club.. Still, he has the nerve to f*ck around.

don't tell....he's allowed do what he likes.they're not married....

its squealers who give men a bad name.:(

thebullkf

thebullkf wrote: »

don't tell....he's allowed do what he likes.they're not married....

its squealers who give men a bad name.:(

Er no, it's guys acting like complete a*holes that give men a bad name. Will you cop on. :mad:

thebullkf

bluewolf wrote: »

Er no, it's guys acting like complete a*holes that give men a bad name. Will you cop on. :mad:

also true.

but let him be....she said herself she never liked him(friend)
he's a grown man,free to do what he likes.

if she caught her own friend kissin another guy would she tell the boyfriend?

would you?

thebullkf

victoriaa wrote: »

Here's the thing.. I saw one of my friend's 3 years boyfriend kissing and being very touchy-feely with another girl in a club. I decided not to spill the beans.. It would hurt her so much and I'm more than sure that they will eventually get back together and I will become the bad character of the story.
But my conscience says I'm not a good friend if I keep my mouth shut. And what really annoys me is that he doesn't let her do anything, they always fight when she wants to go out with the girls (even if it's about shopping at 10 a.m) let alone go dancing in a club.. Still, he has the nerve to f*ck around.

if you caught your friend kissin another guy would you tell the boyfriend?

sillyputty

I had tis dilemma last year, it really does eat at you.

I saw my mates boyfriend out to dinner with his ex, he spotted me and his face was a picture, the next day he came to me and asked me to not mention it to her, that it was nothing she needed to know.

I thought about it for ages, consulted some of her other friends. When it came down to it, i had to tell her because if it were me i would want to know.
She was upset and angry at me for not telling her immediately, she confronted him and they worked things out and are still together,
Things were a bit tense between us for a while after but she got over it.

thebullkf

sillyputty wrote: »

I had tis dilemma last year, it really does eat at you.

I saw my mates boyfriend out to dinner with his ex, he spotted me and his face was a picture, the next day he came to me and asked me to not mention it to her, that it was nothing she needed to know.

I thought about it for ages, consulted some of her other friends. When it came down to it, i had to tell her because if it were me i would want to know.
She was upset and angry at me for not telling her immediately, she confronted him and they worked things out and are still together,
Things were a bit tense between us for a while after but she got over it.

if you caught your friend kissin another guy would you tell the boyfriend?

thebullkf

thebullkf wrote: »

if she caught her own friend kissin another guy would she tell the boyfriend?

would you?

No, I'd tell the friend to cop on because she's my friend. OP is not friends with bf, so it's not him she talks to. If I caught a male friend cheating on his gf, then I'd tell HIM to cop on.

Wibbs

thebullkf take a week off to read the charter off this forum. Personal and sexist abuse is not tolerated here. Post deleted.