Sexy Intimate sex with ex but then what??

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,

I'll keep this as brief as possible. I'm 27 and my ex boyfriend is 29. We went out for 4 years but broke up (insanely messily) 2 years ago. For the first six months we didn't speak. We were noth such a mess and hated each other. He got a new girlfriend staright away, I slept with a mutual friend for revenege. It was all very petty and malicious but deep down it's because we were so hurt and we loved each other.

Anyway, after the six month break of not talking, we started chatting again. It was weird at first and i still found it painful to think of him with another woman but we slwoly became friends. I had a new boyfriend too. Over the last few months we have been meeting up every few weeks and having amzing s*x (we are both single now) but afterwards we both go back to our seperate lives.

I'm just wondering if this is normal and if it can continue on this way. We both love each other but are no longer in love. I know he gets with other girls and he knows I get with other guys and although it stings a tiny bit it's actually very deal withable (made up word).
We know as a couple we don't work but we are so attracted to ecah other and our sex is so hot that until either of us meets someone special, we keep meeting up for sex.

I feel like I am over him though and he feels the same way. We both keep saying I wish we worked as a couple but we are wise enough to knwo we don't so we walk away.

I just think it's a very grey area though and am wondering how we have been doing this for so long without hearts getting broken..

Any opinions or similar stories?
Can you genuinely get over someone while still getting under them??
Is it different for guys and gals??

Just to add, I have a really high sex drive too so find this a great relieve..

Thank you all

Overheal

First things first: Obligatory STI checks.

Theres nothing so much wrong with FWB when neither of you is holding a candle for the other but

We know as a couple we don't work but we are so attracted to ecah other and our sex is so hot that until either of us meets someone special, we keep meeting up for sex.

The Question you have to ask yourself is "how am I going to know when I've found someone special?"

I can just imagine, you start seeing some guy for a couple weeks, but its around that time, and you feel the need to go visit your benefactor for a shag. gg, you just cheated on a potential partner.

But then you think "Oh no, I'd never cheat, I'd break up firrrrssst..." ...exactly. You'd break it off with a guy, a potentially great guy, because you felt while his sex was an 8, your ex's was a 10. say. And you really need a piece of that 10, but you don't want to cheat so you break it off with your new one.

I think no matter what way you look at it its going to alter your psyche when you are off dating other people. Something you need to consider.

missmatty

Was in a similar situation except it was a much less messy breakup and the sex was drunken and not hot :pac: Is not a good idea in general. Have knocked it on the head.

LegacyUser

Overheal wrote: »

First things first: Obligatory STI checks.

Theres nothing so much wrong with FWB when neither of you is holding a candle for the other but The Question you have to ask yourself is "how am I going to know when I've found someone special?"

I can just imagine, you start seeing some guy for a couple weeks, but its around that time, and you feel the need to go visit your benefactor for a shag. gg, you just cheated on a potential partner.

But then you think "Oh no, I'd never cheat, I'd break up firrrrssst..." ...exactly. You'd break it off with a guy, a potentially great guy, because you felt while his sex was an 8, your ex's was a 10. say. And you really need a piece of that 10, but you don't want to cheat so you break it off with your new one.

I think no matter what way you look at it its going to alter your psyche when you are off dating other people. Something you need to consider.

Yeah...good point. My friends keep saying I'm playing with fire, not so much because they think I'm in love with him (I'm not) but because we have so much history and any new huy can't compete so I could potentially end up alone. He could easily meet someone new and then maybe I'd start pining. I guess I know it's messy and not ideal otherwise I wouldn't be posting. Wish walking away was easy but it's soooo hard. I have so much respect for people who move on with good grace. I read PI alot and so many people move on and cut contact and kudos to them. Maybe I'm just weak. I have such a high sex drive that I get angry when 2 weeks passes and I haven't had sex. I could go to a bar etc but that's quite tacky and I don't ever have one night stands. Altough this is probably not much better.

Head getting wrecked already..damn. Why does every good thing have to have a bad consequence? Like chocolate - you get fat. Alcohol - you get a hangover among other things. Love - potential soul destroying heart break. Sex - aids, stds, pregnancy etc..

Latchy

Can you genuinely get over someone while still getting under them??
Is it different for guys and gals??

not to make light of your situation OP but a very intresting and amusing way of putting it .

LegacyUser

Latchy wrote: »

not to make light of your situation OP but a very intresting and amusing way of putting it .

Hee hee I guess it is!

Any thoughts on what I should do? See, I can't really cut contact cause we've known each other nearly ten years. It would kill me. Being friends doesn't work either on account of the attraction but being a couple is a recipe for disaster. Even after 6 months of no contact and new relationships, we still came back to each other. How annoying!!

Latchy

Sexyexy wrote: »

Hee hee I guess it is!

Any thoughts on what I should do? See, I can't really cut contact cause we've known each other nearly ten years. It would kill me. Being friends doesn't work either on account of the attraction but being a couple is a recipe for disaster. Even after 6 months of no contact and new relationships, we still came back to each other. How annoying!!

Well it's a not a term I like to use a lot and it is used quite a lot but it seems you are both capable of being good ' fcuk buddies 'for each other . Now if that's ok with both of you , then fine but unless somebody enters into either or both of your lifes to make you change direction, sooner or later your both going to end up back at ground zero situation .I think you need to find somebody or something else ,something which allows you to reavaluate your relationship with this person ,for both your sakes, mentally amd emotionally .Perhaps spending more time with others ,make new friends that give you new direction. Painfull and hard as it may seem , Sometimes we just have to move on and let go .

togster

Been in a similar situation lately so i know what it feels like.

There's nothing wrong with it as long as being with each other doesn't stops you from moving on, if thats what you really want. Deep down you know what's best for you.

It's a pain because you know what was there with your ex but it's not really like that anymore. Too much has happened.

Seriously move on. Some people are poison together!

sillyputty

I was in a situation incredibly similar to you from Jan - March this year.

My ex and I split up about 5 years ago and when we got together there was a definite spark and the sex was amazing. I had friends telling me the exact same things as you.

It got messy, we spilt up for a reason, just took me a while to realise it. It took a while to get over him initially and i was just stirring up old feelings.
I finished it only because i could feel myself slipping into a routine, it was amazing but it was not something i could see myself continuing for a long period of time.

My outlook was - the longer it goes on the more chance there is of me getting hurt. Eventually one or both of you will want to have a relationship and not nessecarily with each other.