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Have you ever pushed someone away to protect yourself and the other person?

  • 12-06-2009 8:41am
    #1
    alancork1987
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27 ✭


    have you ever pushed a a boyfriend away to protect both you and him.
    my girlfriend recently went a little strange on the communication front.
    im away so i cant talk in person which makes it all the more difficult.

    but her reasoning to being so blunt and short in messages is because she
    is scared and never has experienced a relationship so good before and that she felt by pushing me away she was protectiong both of us!
    now i would do anything for this girl, and she knows this, and the last thing i want is for her to get hurt or be upset!
    she was told me she loved me and i was getting messages of the like up until six days agao. this is when it went a little strange.
    she hasnt said it to me on her own accord yet, but did say it when i told her i love her!

    what i want to know has this happened to anyone else, and should i just hold strong until i see her again.like im nuts about the girl
    the relationship has been testing as i ended up having to travel alot very early in it. although that is coming to an end in the next two weeks so i will be home for good.
    do you think she is just finally feeling the effects of the long distance? the last time i was home( coming up two weeks) everything was perfect, and now this.


Comments

  • #2
    This
    Closed Accounts Posts: 191 ✭✭This


    I can identify with her. I recently tried to end things with the OH for similar reasons... although its slightly different as I am moving to Canada at Xmas.
    In the end we didnt finish which im happy about, but it gave me alot of reassurance and confidence about our relationship.

    My advice would be to keep strong, keep reassuring her how much you care about her and how much she means to you. Dont let it be over untill you have met up in person and as you said you will be home for good in a few weeks so maybe that will improve the situation.
    dont give up, keep fighting she is worth it!!!


  • #3
    alancork1987
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27 ✭alancork1987


    thanks,
    thats the thing, should i keep texting her saying that i miss her and all that at just random times?
    or should i leave it.
    like i couldn hack it the other day when i knew something was up. i was in bits and normally i just dont care what happens i just go with the flow!


  • #4
    Liam Byrne
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,163 ✭✭✭✭Liam Byrne


    I *think* I had someone do this to me........and it was headwrecking!

    To this day I don't know whether I was played or whether it was genuine; I'd normally give someone the benefit of the doubt, but this one left it's mark.

    Only you can judge, OP (although in my case I think I lost the ability to make a sound judgement and it took more than that to open my eyes to the fact that - regardless of any issues - this one was going to be damaging to both of us).

    To this day I think I've been second-guessing motives and actions; I've learned to "go with the flow" again, for the most part, but definitely not as open as I used to be.......having said that, I also don't tolerate someone acting the maggot and stand my ground more as to my limits, so maybe it was a worthwhile lesson, I dunno......

    Best of luck!


  • #5
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,217 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Yes I have. With one my "big loves" too. Long story, but essentially me being in her life was holding her back as she didn't want to leave me to take up a great opportunity overseas. I loved her too much to see that happen, so I broke up with her. Broke my heart. Took me years to get over it actually. I wasn't sure at the time as I lost someone I cared very deeply about, but many years later I'm glad I did. Luckily she realised what I had done and had given up for her to be happy and she is happy last time I met her. She also knows why I did it.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • #6
    Gyalist
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,537 ✭✭✭Gyalist


    How long have you been together? It seems to me that you are probably coming on too strong, too soon. That's why she only says that she loves you when you say it first. She is unsure of her feelings but feels that she has to respond that way when you say it.


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  • #7
    alancork1987
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27 ✭alancork1987


    close to five months now!
    she was the one who said it to me in th ebegining, but recently she is not saying it on her own accord. although i did recieve a text last week while she was out telling me she loved me, and could wait for me to come back and she cant stop thinking of me.
    but this was before the reasons to why i made the post!


    i know its tough for her with me being away as she does have trust issues with men as her father wasnt the best, in fact he was a complete monster to her family. and she hasnt seen him in over ten years.


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