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Too old to consider starting a family?

  • 10-06-2009 11:53PM
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi, am looking for opinions on the following: Am considering trying to get pregnant. Am almost 35, female (which helps!), with partner for 15 years (married 6 years). To be honest both of us have always been sure that we didn't want to have children, but just recently I have been beginning to wonder if we should. Might just be because I feel time is running out (biological clock and all that). I realise that "should" is not a reason to have children - but am wondering how do most people decide. It is such a big decision and I don't understand how so many people seem to rush happily into parenthood, seemingly carefree. Also, I am telling myself that 35 is not really ideal to be starting on the road to motherhood (but at the same time I have seen other women of the same age make wonderful mothers). I am not trying to criticise anyone else's decision about parenting - just trying to decide for myself what to do!


Comments

  • #2
    Otis Driftwood
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,925 ✭✭✭Otis Driftwood


    Hi OP.

    I think the first thing you should do is have a chat to your husband about it.
    Ye are the 2 most important people in this so you have to make sure you are both on the same page.

    As for the age,you are only 35,lots of time yet!

    Good luck with it.:)


  • #3
    Permabear
    Closed Accounts Posts: 39,022 ✭✭✭✭Permabear


    This post has been deleted.


  • #4
    CathyMoran
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,458 ✭✭✭CathyMoran


    I do not think that 35 is too old to start - married almost 2.5 years, together over 11.5 years...we always wanted kids but illness meant that we had to delay...it is great fun trying!

    You should both be in agreement about this decision though - you need to talk to your husband about it.

    My mum had me at 35, she had my brother when she was 29 and she was able to cope with the two of us fine - you just need to make sure that it is not just your biological clock...


  • #5
    kelle
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,243 ✭✭✭kelle


    I got married with the intention of never having children, as I had grown up the eldest of 5 and hated the noise and being a secondary parent.

    But I ended up changing my mind at 30, and my husband was in agreement . I knew what was involved having been through it while growing up, but it was still a shock when No.1 was born with the loss of freedom and sleepless nights. It does get easier though (in some ways!).

    I've now got 3 children, my last was born when I was 36. My work colleague had her children at 40 and 41, and my cousin had hers at 42 and 43 (all healthy by the way!), so you're definitely not too old.

    Only you can decide what you want, and you need to discuss it with your partner.


  • #6
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I'm also 35. Met my husband at 30 and married last year. We both feel like you and your husband. Having children was never on the agenda. Sometimes we worry about it too that one day we might want them and it will be too late. But we still don't see that as a good enough reason to have children. We are going with what feels right for us and not with what most other couples are doing. Trust in yourself and your own inner feelings. That will give you your answer!


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  • #7
    sunnygirl
    Closed Accounts Posts: 30 ✭sunnygirl


    hi OP

    I think you still have time to yourselves... Like the other posters said, women do and can get pregnant in their late 30's and early 40's, so its not as though you are in the last-chance-saloon yet... I understand the feeling of should - i felt the same way you do now (when i was 35, because I was listening alot to well-meaning family & friends saying 'don't leave it too late..' etc) - we still felt we had things we wanted to do though, so held off - I am now 38, and hope to start my family soon..we are now more ready than we were 2-3 years ago and I am glad we waited instead of launching ourselves into something we werent definately certain about at the time.... Best of luck!


  • #8
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    Hi OP,
    I posted nearly the same query over in the parenting section and got some great replies - perhaps you might want to read them:

    http://wwww.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055574161

    Good luck with whatever you decide!


  • #9
    Salome
    Closed Accounts Posts: 570 ✭✭✭Salome


    I'm 37 - I'm not sure if I want kids at all but in the back of my mind, I do have a fear that I will have left it too late if we changed our mind in a couple of years time. One of my greatest fears is to have a child with a disability - I'm not sure I'd be able to cope, financially or emotionally.

    On the other hand, I've heard of many women over 40 having problem free pregancies. Talk to your husband and come to a mutual decision.


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