Older woman / younger man??

LegacyUser

I'm in my forties and met a man recently who I really like. I thought he was older & he thought I was younger until the question came up, and it turns out that I'm 14 years older than him! (I thought I was around 7 years older up to then). I've since backed off completely as it just doesnt seem right to me. He says it's not that important to him, however I suppose that's a sign of the age difference in that he isn't thinking of the consequences, but I am. Any thoughts or what does anybody else consider acceptable about female/male age differences?

Silverfish

Well, for a start, what are the consequences as you see them?

LegacyUser

simple rule - half your age and then add 10 years.....if he's very close to what that adds up to then it's not a problem. In your case if he's over 30 I'd say give it a go....you've nothing to lose and everything to gain, worst case scenario is you end up as you are now if things don't work out!

Salome

At your age, 7 years or 14 years, what does it matter?

Don't use age as an excuse - take a chance.

LegacyUser

OP here. I suppose the consequences in my mind are what people would say, especially his friends as he could be with somebody 20 years younger than me with a lot less wrinkles!! If things became serious, there would be the issue of kids which might not happen at my age and also how things would be in a few years when I got to 50 & beyond(scary!). Maybe I'm overthinking this & I know it might never get to that stage, but it was such a shock to discover the big age difference. I've gone out with younger men before but never with such an age gap.

LegacyUser

just enjoy being with him! If he's genuine and you've a lot in common and it doesn't bother him then don't be afraid. I find attractive women attractive regardless of age, one woman I dated was 50 (12 year gap) and I questioned whether I was good enough for her.....which it turns out I wasn't !!

Dudess

I think it's a shame how older woman/younger man gets scrutinised far more than older man/younger woman.

Unregistered wrote: »

simple rule - half your age and then add 10 years

Why?

ManOfMystery

I don't think there really is an problem. He's obviously happy to be with you and you are happy to be with him (bar the age problem) so why make an issue of it?

Bear in mind he's not 15yrs old - going by your original post, I imagine he's around 30 or so? Give him some credit; I'm sure he can decide for himself at that age what he wants.

For what it's worth, my g/f is 35 and I'm 31. Not a huge gap by any means, but my g/f got hung up a few times about maybe wanting children and wanting to settle down sooner than I would and how it wouldn't be fair on me. I told her to wise up; when 2 people are in love, when they both want the same things and they're both on the same wavelength, age is nothing but a number in their heads.

Mrs Shankly

Hi OP,

I know this is the real world and not la la land... but look at the amount of celebs that are going out with/ married to younger men or women- Harrison Ford, Demi Moore,... Do you need me to go on!

Similarly, if it was the other way round- i.e a man going out with a woman 14 years his junior- people don't tend to bat an eyelid.

I think the age gap shrinks as you get older- a 30 year old and a 16 year old going out is a bit different to a 40 year old woman and a 26 year old.

If the age gap really bothers you,and you can't get past it, then maybe it is best to leave it alone. However, if you are worried about what society thinks, forget it and go for it, if thats what you both want!

Best of luck

LegacyUser

dudess - the simple rule was to avoid the scenario where you are in danger of looking like father/daughter or mother/son, if it falls within the ballpark figure of half your age + 10 years then it's a good guide (but not an exact science) to avoiding that stereotype. At the end of the day - if you love them and they're above the age of consent and they love you then age should not matter at all!! Life is about connecting with a soulmate regardless of age, religion, sex, race, career.....I challenge you to fill in a dozen more!
But getting back to the OP, go for it forget about other people who and focus on the positives between you and your partner!

LegacyUser

Well by BF is 11 years younger. Didn't bother me initially because the attraction was mutual. However 2 years on at times the age difference has been at times an issue, for sure he does and think stuff that I have moved on from, that is to be expected. Looking at my girlfriends who formed relationships in their late 20s/early 30s I can point out 85% who married men younger than themselves albeit not as massive an age gap (bar 2 - 15/12 years). A friend is pregnant at 47 (husband 32 yrs!). Actually guys don't have a problem dating older women, if a man wants to date a woman and is keen then those hangups that us ladies have don't seem to bother them.

LegacyUser

what do you think about guys going out with younger women? What do you think an acceptable age difference is. At the mo, I seem to meet (talk/chat) women who are younger than me, some up to 10 yrs. It's something I think about, shouldn't make a big deal over it really, but if you're in your early 30s and hook up with someone in their 20s, it's probably cool......?? I dunno....

Sharlovesjohn

Im only 20 and my bf is 26 he was certain that we wouldn't work as he'd want kids in about 4 yrs when im 24 i dont have a problem with having kids if my career works out the way I have planned, yeah I like to go out and party he's not mad into it but thats what my friends are for,

Nevyn

Why are you jumping the gun on big issues like kids ect?
Why not see if you can stand each other for 6 months or even a year and enjoy your time together and then if things are working out talk about a future.

Vegeta

Dudess wrote: »

I think it's a shame how older woman/younger man gets scrutinised far more than older man/younger woman.

By who, I always perceived the exact opposite

Generally I thought that a younger woman/older man was seen as a gold digging hussy and a sleazy old man ala Peter Stringfellow (not my opinion, just what I thought media/social circles made of the situation)

Whereas young man/older woman is seen as a Mrs. Robinson situation. Which is a bit cooler.

Maybe I just have it arseways though

Sharlovesjohn

We have been together over 6 months thats when the talks came out,

LegacyUser

Dont worry too much about it, especially the kids side of things.

My BF is 11 years younger and we are very happy going out 2 years and living together.

We dont get any flak at all, so dont waste time worrying about what people will say because they dont care!