How do i stand up for myself ?

sour_apple

OK, i have always been a quiet type of person. Quite reserved but i would never ignore people. So im not all in myself. I would always smile and make some small talk.

I am the type of person people could take advantage off and walk all over and i would never have said anything. But i have been changing that myself, in that i am saying no more often.

Anyway, because i was always quiet, i never really believed in myself and i thought i could never chase what i want cause i thought i wouldn't get it. If i don't chase it, im not seeting myself up for failure and don't get dissappointed.

After school i landed myself a job and i am still there. And i hate it. I am heading nowhere. I realise i am the only person in control of my life and i am going for a complete career change (what i have isn't a career though) and get some satisfaction in my life for once. And i will do whatever it takes. Failure or not, i am giving it a go.

Anyway i have friend in work who i get on well with and she knows just how much i hate working there. But she is so f ing negative towards me. When she asks me how am i going on with my plans, she always knocks me down. She says things like you won't be able to do it. I can still see you here in 10 years time. Why does she bother asking me? I thought she was a friend but this negativity towards me is really getting me down. I know i am worth a whole lot more, i don't need to be put down like this.

The problem is, i am taking it. I never have anything to through back at her.

How do i stand up for myself with people that puts me down?

Latchy

Get rid of the friend at work and only speak to her when nessacary .She might be jelaous of your ambitions and is really only describing herself in 10 years, not you .

sour_apple

I certainly have been thinking about getting rid of that friend. She seemed to have turned on me for some reason or another.
A few months back she asked me how i got on at a doctors appointment. I didnt go into my medical history with her but i just told her i was having a btch of a time with psoriasis. She had the neck to roll her eyes at me as if to say i was making it up.

jdivision

My advice would be to take up a sport which involves a certain amount of aggression, it makes you more assertive as a person because you can't take a step backwards. It'll take time and you mightn't prove very good at it but it does give you confidence and it does stand to you.

mickoneill30

In my experience my life has mirrored my friends or work mates of the time. If you're hanging around negative people that have nothing good to say that affects you. I've usually found I've pushed myself more when I've been around motivated positive people.

That could be just me though. But I'd still say that your friend is not worth hanging around and could be dragging you down. Try and see if you can get some more motivated and supportive friends. Do a night course, join a club or meet up with similar minded people who will force you to push yourself.

LegacyUser

Your work mate is jealous because you are trying to move on & better yourself and she doesnt have the guts to do it herself. Stop sharing your plans with her & keep them to yourself going forward. For all you know she might be passing on the information to your boss & I'm sure you dont want them to know that you are planning on leaving! Just cool things with the workmate & keep your discussions to general things like T.V., what you did at the weekend etc. If she does make any smart comments or put downs, just ignore them & smile mysteriously so that she'll think there's more going on than there is!

Dr.Sanchez

jdivision wrote: »

My advice would be to take up a sport which involves a certain amount of aggression, it makes you more assertive as a person because you can't take a step backwards. It'll take time and you mightn't prove very good at it but it does give you confidence and it does stand to you.

Agreed... Weightlifting, working for me. If you train and eat right the results will slowly start to show, not only will you notice but other people will too, giving you confidence.

IKO

your story sounds like its mine! you have the idea in your head so the change will come and you want it. get rid of that person, or avoid them, distance yourself. they are stuck and cant change and they dont want you to either!

metaoblivia

I agree with the majority of posters on here. Cut her out of your life. Negative people only bring you down. I had a similar thing happen about a year ago. A new "friend" came into my life, and we spent some time together. But very quickly I realized she was insecure with herself and extremely negative. She was not my friend for very long. One thing I found that has worked for me, is when someone says, oh you won't be able do that, or something similar, say, "Yes I will," with confidence. Challenge their assertation head on. Usually, they back down.

VinnyTGM

At OP, ignore this 'friend' in work, whenver she ask's you about it just walk away.