Feel so betrayed

LegacyUser

Been seeing a guy for 2 months now, its allne really well so far, loadsa weekends away, have booked hols etc.

I was drving his car the other day and there was a peice of paper on the floor, it was his birthcert. i wanted to find out what his middle name was so i looked. (maybe this wa wrong?) turns out he is 6 years older then i thought. which makes the age gap 12years.

I dont care about the age, its the fact he basically lied and didnt tell me that bothers me. and the fact he told his bro to lie about his age too so it would make sense he would be the age he said he was.

I confronted him.... and he apologised etc.

Now the thing is he never actually told me he was the age I thought he was. the first night i met him, he asked me to guess and when i said the number his friend said well done. so oi just presumed. he said he wanted to tell me the truth but was scared of losing me etc.

So now im sitting here, still wanting to be with him but feeling totally betrayed and hurt more then anything else. Like I have fallen for this guy hard, Ive been totally up front open and honest about my life. and it just feels like such a stab in the back makes me thing what else he would/has/will lie about etc.

He attitude is if i cant get over we better just end it now so it wont drag out in a horrible mess.

I dont wanna end it, coz i love spending time with him but at the same time i just feel he is a totally different person now.

again the age is not the problem its the fact he led me to believe something else and didnt tell me the truth.

im just torn

chickenhawk

He let you believe it because he liked you and once you did he knew you'd react badly so he didn't tell you.

At the time neither of ye knew if ye were going to go out with each other so if it was me I'd forgive him this time.

legend365

Unregistered wrote: »

Been seeing a guy for 2 months now, its allne really well so far, loadsa weekends away, have booked hols etc.

I was drving his car the other day...

Think that sums up how he feels about ye in fairness. If he's willing to share such possesions i don't see him lieing about anything major.

The only reason he probably bent the truth a little was because in his mind he knew a girl like you would never go for a guy like him, 12 years older.

LegacyUser

What was his birth cert doing on the floor of the car??
Sounds quite dodgy to me. Did he want you to find it?
Or did you go snooping in the glove compartment?
Maybe he planted it there cos he wanted you to find out.

LegacyUser

I was in a similar situation to this. I knew the guy through work for a while and i thought he was 5 years older than me, which he told me his way. We started dating and 3 months later he told me he wasnt the age he thought he was and to guess what he was. Turned out he was 10 years older than me. It didnt bother me at the time but I had already told my family how old he was and he met them, so to have to turn around and tell them he lied and his actual age, didnt appeal to me. But him lying about his age was a small thing and things eventually spiralled out of control.
Now, if i was in the same situation and i met someone and a few months later they told me their actual age, honestly, id just walk away. I wouldnt go through what I went through with the ex

Good luck with what you decide to do.

ibarelycare

The first night he met you he probably didn't tell you the truth because he didn't expect things to go any further than that. The longer he put off not telling you, the harder it probably got for him.

If you really like him I wouldn't let it bother you, and I do think you're looking into it WAY too much. You're only seeing him 2 months, it's very early days. There's no point in over-analysing it and wondering what else he'll lie about. If I was in him (I'm a girl btw) and you didn't want to let it go and kept obsessing about it, then I'd probably wonder if maybe you're too much hassle to be with! Sorry if that's a bit harsh, but seriously, you're still in the honeymoon stage, presuming that the age thing doesn't bother you then you laugh it off and move on and keep enjoying yourself the way you were.

nmesisca

Unregistered wrote: »

I was in a similar situation to this. I knew the guy through work for a while and i thought he was 5 years older than me, which he told me his way. We started dating and 3 months later he told me he wasnt the age he thought he was and to guess what he was. Turned out he was 10 years older than me. It didnt bother me at the time but I had already told my family how old he was and he met them, so to have to turn around and tell them he lied and his actual age, didnt appeal to me. But him lying about his age was a small thing and things eventually spiralled out of control.
Now, if i was in the same situation and i met someone and a few months later they told me their actual age, honestly, id just walk away. I wouldnt go through what I went through with the ex

Good luck with what you decide to do.

..and women never lie about their age?
Or is it that subtracting 1 or 2 years is acceptable and 5 is not anymore?
call it double-standards..
OP, seriously if thats the 'problem' you're facing, lucky you.
Nevermind that the OH actually loves you, but lying on the age!

Curvy Vixen

I think that you should forgive him for his silly little lie and then maybe he will forgive you for reading something that is pretty private.

It doesn't matter if it was on the floor (though I find that hard to believe, I think it was probably in the glove compartment) it was a document in someone else's car. If he had post in an opened envelope in his house would you take it out and read it?

They talk about people listening behind closed doors not liking what they will hear. Same thing....

SarahSassy

I would let it go but just make sure he knows you dont appreciate lies and any more could be a sacking offense.

Gholimoli

What exactly are you looking for here?
You have all the answers you need in your own post.
Lying about his age is not a big deal to me.
However it may very well be to you...so if it is that important to you then end it…if not then don’t.

nmesisca

SarahSassy wrote: »

I would let it go but just make sure he knows you dont appreciate lies and any more could be a sacking offense.

sacking offence?
you gotta be joking.
if my gf was saying something like that for lying on my age, I would stand up and leave immediately, see how many other 'employees' she can sack.

Otis Driftwood

Unregistered wrote: »

Now the thing is he never actually told me he was the age I thought he was. the first night i met him, he asked me to guess and when i said the number his friend said well done. so oi just presumed.

People seem to be missing this very important point.

The question is OP,after your initial meeting did you ask him directly what age he is?

If yes and he said he was 6 years younger then of course he lied.

If however you havnt asked him since then I think you are making massive mountains out of molehills.

To say you feel

totally betrayed and hurt

is a bit much no?

Its not like he has a secret wife or kids for gods sake.

SarahSassy

nmesisca wrote: »

sacking offence?
you gotta be joking.
if my gf was saying something like that for lying on my age, I would stand up and leave immediately, see how many other 'employees' she can sack.

Did you actually read it - 'any more' lies would be a sacking offense for me (tongue in cheek analogy there) but I would not put with with consistent lies in a relationship. This is a small thing as long as it stops here.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Now the thing is he never actually told me he was the age I thought he was. the first night i met him, he asked me to guess and when i said the number his friend said well done. so oi just presumed.

So wait. He never told you his age. You made a guess and a presumption. Your guess and presumption was wrong. Now he's a liar?

Did he ever actually claim to be the age you assumed he was? If not then it's very difficult to see what you're upset about.

ManOfMystery

'Betrayed and hurt' is a bit of an over-reaction. Is everything in your life a huge drama?

The guy didn't even lie about his age; he simply failed to tell you the whole truth, the reason for that being that he was probably enjoying relationship growing between you and didn't want to rock the boat.

He didn't do anything seriously wrong IMO, so cut him some slack - and don't be snooping through his documents next time. If anything, he has a reason to be pissed off and consider you untrustworthy but that hasn't been mentioned so move on.

nmesisca

SarahSassy wrote: »

Did you actually read it - 'any more' lies would be a sacking offense for me (tongue in cheek analogy there) but I would not put with with consistent lies in a relationship. This is a small thing as long as it stops here.

yeah i did actually read it. though i would have rather not.
the 'offence' shouldn't even register. failing that god knows what else registers for you and is considered a sackable offence.

SarahSassy

nmesisca wrote: »

yeah i did actually read it. though i would have rather not.
the 'offence' shouldn't even register. failing that god knows what else registers for you and is considered a sackable offence.

Good one

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

Unregistered

Unregistered wrote: »

he told his bro to lie about his age too so it would make sense he would be the age he said he was

Straight out of a sitcom. Seriously, if you can try to see the funny side of that you'll be well on the way to getting over this.

LegacyUser

i was lying on the floor coz there was pile of papers on the front seat and it had fallen off

your all right... laugh and move on.....

thanks for replies...