Bulimia.....Can't cope for much longer :(

LegacyUser

I've been bulimic for 6 years. During that time I have had many near recovery's, the longest lasting almost a year. I have managed to hold down a job and been quite successful in my career.

Only for a very short time did my bulimia result in me being "thin" - for the most part I have felt a little over weight - but consuming 4000 plus calories at a time - you never know how much your getting rid of.

I feel so out of control of my life, sometimes I can't walk past a newsagents without going in to purchase sweets, I have lost relationships and almost fallen out with my family over this. They assume because i'm not better that I don't want to get better but I reallly do.

I wake up every morning and convince myself that i'm not going to do this to myself anymore, i've imporved a lot, now I can do a whole day, and sometimes over a week but i've fallen down so many times, i just feel like giving up.

I spend about €40 a day on food just to binge....I'm almost feeling myself accepting that this is who i am always going to be and I just can't see my whole outlook on life changing enough to get through this.

Does anyone ever fully recover from these things? I see a councellor every week by the way, it helps but i'm still sick

coadyj

Unregistered wrote: »

I've been bulimic for 6 years. During that time I have had many near recovery's, the longest lasting almost a year. I have managed to hold down a job and been quite successful in my career.

Only for a very short time did my bulimia result in me being "thin" - for the most part I have felt a little over weight - but consuming 4000 plus calories at a time - you never know how much your getting rid of.

I feel so out of control of my life, sometimes I can't walk past a newsagents without going in to purchase sweets, I have lost relationships and almost fallen out with my family over this. They assume because i'm not better that I don't want to get better but I reallly do.

I wake up every morning and convince myself that i'm not going to do this to myself anymore, i've imporved a lot, now I can do a whole day, and sometimes over a week but i've fallen down so many times, i just feel like giving up.

I spend about €40 a day on food just to binge....I'm almost feeling myself accepting that this is who i am always going to be and I just can't see my whole outlook on life changing enough to get through this.

Does anyone ever fully recover from these things? I see a councellor every week by the way, it helps but i'm still sick

well, it sounds to me like you need to replace you food addiction with something else. its very difficult in the world we live in as we are surounded by sweets everywhere you go. I wish there were just sweet shops instead every newsagent/petrol station/supermarket is packed full of sweets.

I never had bulimia, but when I was younger I used to eat a lot of garbage. Now when I feel like a snack I eat a piece of fruit or a hard vegetable like a carrot. After about 2 months it becomes completely natural and you wont have to puck it up.

You need to radically change you diet, this is the problem starts there, I would recommend getting a good dietitian to look over your diet.

My mum went to some crowd in baggot st where they cooked all the meals for everyday for a month, she has never gone back to eating crap.

I sure you know about the long term effects of bulimia, as in reverse peristalsis (you start to pooh out your mouth)

Xiney

Dear OP,

People do recover from eating disorders, but it is a hard and difficult road. Do you feel that counselling is helping? If not, would you consider changing counsellors? Are you doing CBT - this has been proven to be helpful in cases such as yours.

Bodywhys have support groups throughout the country where you can find people who are recovering or have recovered. They may be able to provide you with the strength to succeed.

Take care of yourself.

Xiney

Nevyn

You need to get help as soon as possible due to the damage you are doing to your body.

http://www.bodywhys.ie/

http://www.bodywhys.ie/aboutED/bulimia/

It sounds like you have been struggling with this for a long time and you don't have the support you need.
Bodywhys has a range of support is offers people who are struggling, but eating disorders are something
which no one gets magically cured from it is something you will have to live with and guard against for
the rest of your life and the best way to do that is to get to the root cases of it and figure out what
triggers you to go on a binge there is always an emotional or phyc reason why this happens, you just
have to figure out what those are and put a plan in place for when they happen.

paperclip2

coadyj wrote: »

well, it sounds to me like you need to replace you food addiction with something else. its very difficult in the world we live in as we are surounded by sweets everywhere you go. I wish there were just sweet shops instead every newsagent/petrol station/supermarket is packed full of sweets.

I never had bulimia, but when I was younger I used to eat a lot of garbage. Now when I feel like a snack I eat a piece of fruit or a hard vegetable like a carrot. After about 2 months it becomes completely natural and you wont have to puck it up. )

Bulimia is not the same as a food addicition, it is not just simply eating too much crap. Its a strong psychological compulsion to gorge and purge. In a way the food is secondary to the compulsion. Diet is irrelevant. Learning all about healthy eating will do very little for somone who has bulimia. You might just gorge on healthy food but you will still suffer the, at times, unbearable compulsion to make yourself sick.

Finding out why you react to the act of eating like this is important and you will need help with that. Look up the links Thaed has posted and speak to your doctor today. Good luck OP, we're rooting for you.

monellia

Dear OP,

Bulimia is an addiction just like any other and if you're serious about overcoming this once and for all maybe you should consider taking time out from your career to check into an inpatient programme. Bulimia is a complex psychological disorder, and I doubt you will get the counselling you need via boards. It's good that you're seeing a councillor regularly. Being able to talk openly about your problem is very important.

Personally I think it's definitely possible to overcome an eating disorder, but it very rare. Most "recovered" people are liable to relapse and still have lingering tendencies toward disordered eating. This is because they haven’t changed their way of thinking. In order to recover you have to learn to think in a whole new way, and this is very difficult. Can you remember a time when you didn’t have bulimic tendencies? Recovering will involve reflecting upon questions like this

You need to learn how to separate your emotions from food. Binge eaters wrongly associate feelings of happiness and comfort with food. They often eat to distract themselves from their emotional pain. When you eat, you’re not thinking about other things. You’re concentrating on the taste, the process of chewing, etc. You end up binging because you subconsciously want to prolong the feeling escapism. But afterwards you feel dirty and uncomfortably full so you throw it all up to make yourself feel better. It’s a vicious cycle which becomes an addiction. You become addicted to this routine of binging and purging and the prospect of breaking it seems scary and unachievable to you.

You need to realise that there is so much more to life than this horrible routine. Recovering will involve unlocking your inner potential to make you realise that you are worth more than this. Good luck.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

I've been bulimic for 6 years. During that time I have had many near recovery's, the longest lasting almost a year. I have managed to hold down a job and been quite successful in my career.

Only for a very short time did my bulimia result in me being "thin" - for the most part I have felt a little over weight - but consuming 4000 plus calories at a time - you never know how much your getting rid of.

I used to suffer from bulimia too OP. As you said, I never lost weight as a result of it, my weight actually used to fluctuate quite a lot, and when I finally recovered I found I had gained quite a lot of weight. Despite the fact that I am heavier now than I was in my "pre-bulimia" years, I don't suffer from the same body image issues I used to. I'm happy with the way I am and have learned to be confident and feel good about myself and you can too.

Unregistered wrote: »

I feel so out of control of my life

I remember this feeling too well. The purging gives you a brief moment of relief where you feel you have total control. But you know what? You are in control of your life. You've realised you have a problem. You've admitted you have a problem. And you have sought help for this problem. This is a major step forward. It's a difficult process I know, but you have to start believing in yourself. You can do this.

Unregistered wrote: »

Does anyone ever fully recover from these things?

Yes. I have. And you can do it too. It's been years since I've felt the urge to make myself sick after eating. You will get to that stage eventually, but as the other posters have said, it's a tough process. You need to get as much help as possible. Thaed has posted some really useful links. Please don't try to do this alone. I never went to councelling for my problem. I was too ashamed and embarrassed and felt I had no one to support me. If you have friends or family who are willing to support you then definitely let them help you. It will make the process so much easier.

Remember you can get past all of this. You just need to continue being strong.

LegacyUser

Well I’ve been bulimic or anorexic for over 30 years and OP if you can fix it now do so. At the moment I’m light as I have been for over 10 years including several pregnancy's – it's not about food or taste - it’s about the feeling of fullness and release – my husband understands all of this - initially I wanted to forbid him from “my area when eating” but slowly I have allowed him in. I've also tried bodywhys etc but so far no fix. I'm not feeling bad about this any more though by way of cbt - it's just an unfortuitous habit. I have had cbt and been hospitalised for anorexia - all in all it just made me accept and not feel guilty about my behaviour – I now have 4 girl children that I don’t want to pass this behaviour on to - but I still cannot stop myself from doing it. I don’t mention food or diet to them at all but I still get sick two to three times a day everyday. It’s a pain that I wish I didn’t have to endure but nothing more. some people say they can cure me I’d like to see them try.

LegacyUser

Hi OP, sorry to hear about your situation.

I just wanted to tell you about mine. I would classify myself as an ED recoverer who still suffers from disordered eating from time to time. I binge sometimes, but don't over-exercise compulsively or starve myself for days to get rid of it. That was the nature of my eating disorder - it wasn't bulimia or anorexia, if we're talking medically it was ED-NOS, but the sheer anguish, pain, torment, daily anxiety was just the same as what I would imagine you are experiencing.
I lost a lot of weight and these compulsive activities were what kept it off. I developed a fear of 'becoming fat' that would induce panic attacks and make my life a living hell. No day passed without the obsessive work outs, self starving, weighing, mental berating...effectively, I was a shell of a person.

Anyway this is a bit long winded, but I recovered. I still have reams of issues to sieve through, as I said the binging hasn't completely stopped, I have major body image issues and am virtually always on a diet, but compared to how I was this time a few years ago, I am a new person, so for the time being, it's good enough for me. Baby steps. Recovery is NOT an overnight thing. EDs are such incredibly complex issues and your compulsion to binge and purge is so deeply engrained and such a complicated urge.

You're going to have to face the bottomless pit of issues you have that have gotten you into this situation and attempt to resolve them, one by one. It can be done, as I am doing it and I am progressing. Only then will the urge to binge and purge lessen. We're talking about body image, using food as a tool to deal with unwanted emotions, self esteem tied in with your appearance...and all of these may stretch back as your childhood, so it really is going to be a battle to change your beliefs.

What really started the recovery process for me was psychotherapy with a great therapist who I trust and has become more like a good friend to me. You need somewhere to feel safe to talk about these issues without judgement and I think it would be worth giving this a shot. It's not cheap, but this is your health, happiness and future we're talking about here and you can't really put a price on that.

Do some online research, maybe find a centre that is local to you, book an appointment for a chat with one of the therapists and take it from there. You're not obliged to stay or continue the sessions if you're not comfortable, but my experience has been that I have been able to talk my way out of my eating disorder in the company of a good therapist.

I hope this has been of some help, and whatever you do, don't resign yourself to the belief that you will be this way forever. You won't. It's a coping mechanism, and once you learn to cope in different ways, life will be liberating for you.

R xx

LegacyUser

Hi guys, i am actually a registered user here but would prefer to stay anon on this issue but I am actually bulimic and have been for just 2 years now. It has taken over my life. I have never ever spoken out loud about this before nor hae I ever told anybody except for now. I have bought the self help books and also been on the bodywhys website. But not much has changed, well it does for a little while and then I go back to my old ways. I hate it, I hate myself and I know how bad it is. I feel so guilty and just want it to stop. I will never tel any of my friends or family, that is one thing for sure. I am afraid to go to a doctor or the likes for I am afraid of there reaction or they will think Im a little mad in the head. Fellow bulimics please tell me I can get out of this cycle? Unfortunatly as I write this I have just had another binge and feel horible, Im really tired and right now I feel like I do not have the energy to purge and also my housemates are in and I am afraid they will hear me. Please help