Why so angry

LegacyUser

Okay, I think I may have a bit of a problem with anger. I'm not violent or anything, and nobody that knows me would say that I'm anything but a very placid peaceful individual. But over the last few years I've started to develop a kind of internal rage that is slowly getting worse and it's starting to drive me a bit crazy.

It's kind of hard to explain, but it really manifests it's self whenever I've a bit of free time to just sit and relax. I find myself replaying events in my head of tiny little things that might have gone wrong in my day or at some other stage in the past and getting worked up about them until I can feel my heart pounding and my chest tightening in just pure internal rage.

The one time I really have to relax and reflect is when I'm falling asleep, so instead of sleeping and resting I'm lying in bed keeping myself awake with rage. Usually I'll get up a few times in the night to try and calm myself and eventually sleep through exhaustion, but I get really annoyed with myself for not allowing myself to relax and sleep.

It's started to manifest it's self in the real world too, and that's what's worrying me. I do a fair bit of running, and sometimes when I'm out I'm prey to comments from your general knacker element. One of the evenings I was out one of them shouted something to me across the street, so I crossed over and gave chase. When I caught up to him I let loose an absolute torrent of pure rage. It was completely stupid because he was bigger than me and I've never been in a fight in my life, but at the time I didn't care one little bit I was like a man possesed. The guy I was shouting at looked terrified, genuinely terrified, he didn't even really know what was happening I think because at one stage he told me to let go of him but I wasn't even touching him he was the one holding my arms to stop me from hitting him, he had to look at his own hands to confirm that which I thought unusual. Near the end of our altercation he got a bit brave and threatened to get me over the back of my head with something some time when I wasn't aware, so I just shouted something I can't repeat here at him as loudly as I could with my face about an inch away from his ear, and he ran away again a few seconds later.

Of course this has turned into yet another event that I replay in my night time rages and get angry about all over again, but it's something I feel really guilty about and I've thought about trying to find him and apologise, though I doubt I'd even recognise him if I did see him again. I've also had to change my running routine in case he did decide to make good his threat.

That's not the only time I've let it out either just the most recent and worrying time for me.

All I want is to get some peace in my life and stop this senseless anger within me. I feel powerless against it because no matter how much I logic it out in my brain and no matter how many times I catch myself doing it and tell myself to stop it just happens over and over again creeping up on me completely unaware until I'm in the middle of it again usually in the middle of the night and usually preventing me from sleeping.

RossFixxxed

Hey, there is a certain addiction in anger I find. I am a bit of a 28 Days Later myself tbh. There is a thrill and a release after getting really really worked up. However, I haven't had a go at big knackers on the road thankfully.

It's corny but maybe look at meditation techniques (avoid all the fruity stuff, just go for the basics). Buddhanet.net has lots of stuff with no religiouis beliefs required.

If that's not your cup of tea there are plenty of therapies out there, anger management type you could attend to learn to work on this.

There is a danger with anything that gives you a kick becoming addictive and thus escalating and getting you into trouble!

R

times'a'wastin

Hi,

First well done for being able to admit you have a problem. This can be difficult and is the first step and sometimes hardest you can take.

I can have angry outbursts too and i have been diagnosed with depression, apparently this may be a symptom. Do you have any reason to think that maybe you might be a bit depressed.

I wouldnt say it would do any harmt to see your gp who might be able to recommend some sore of therapy that Rossfixxxed has suggested?

I hope that you find the help needed

cosmic

Hello!

When I was very young my parents separated, it was very messy at the time and I ended up with a lot of anger built up. Then in my early teens I got into Martial Arts, Kenpo in particular. I know it may sound like it would be worst thing for you but really taught me a lot about self-discipline and self control. Because Kenpo focuses more on the defense aspect rather than attack, and all sparring is only semi-contact, it's actually also a great way to get out any anger in a controlled environment. Maybe it could help you too...?

Good luck!

LegacyUser

Depression is something I've had in the past, but I'm generally pretty good at working through it myself and have never really needed to get help for it at any stage. I don't believe I'm depressed at the moment I have down moments but they are generally pretty short.

When I try to figure it out myself I keep feeling that it's more stress related than anything. There is a lot going on in my life at the moment and I'm finding myself being pulled in one direction or another with both work and family pretty much from the moment I wake up until I go to bed again each night. I don't think the stress I'm under is unusual though I'm just worried that my way of coping with it is i.e. work myself up into an state of anger whenever I get a break from it all.

The martial arts idea is something I'd considered myself, so thanks for that it's not something I have time for at the moment though all of my energies exercise wise is going into training for the Dublin City Marathon this year but maybe after I can look into it more seriously. One of the reasons I took up running in the first place was to try and help with the anger, I thought maybe try the healthy body healthy mind approach. It's been good in some ways, just not with this.

Meditation... Hmmm... I don't think I'd have the patience for it tbh. Not that I'm an impatient person, but maybe I'm a bit old fashioned for it or something. I can picture myself trying it and not sticking with it, if the interest isn't there for me to begin with I'm pretty poor at sticking with something just for the sake of it.

As for anger management classes or doctors or anything like that. I'm a very shy and slightly introverted person, the thought of doing something like that kind of terrifies me and being realistic I could say yea great idea I'll do that (because in theory it is) in the end I'd probably just bottle out and not do anything about it.

RossFixxxed

You are just making excuses not to do anything... (which may be a symptom) You have two choices really

Do something.
OR
Don't.

But you have to live with the consequences either way. You risk driving everyone away and being one of those rage junkies.

NOBODY is going to help you unless you look for it. There are no magical qick fixes either.

BumbleB

Ross is dead on with that .Meditation will do more for your life than anything else. It will teach you to let go and not react to stuff anymore instead you will choose when you decide to be angry and that is av empowering thing.Now when people annoy me ,I pretend to be angry I actually never really get annoyed at anything going wrong.It takes effort,if you don't want to take up meditation you can also learn how to breathe properly from your diaphragm which will relax you .

RoadRunner10

The running is good because you will be physically tired.However I imagine that you are going over these angry thoughts in your head and by the end of the run it could well be that you are becomming more wound up.The angry thoughts from the past are re-inforcing the daily angry thoughts that you are having.Thus not only does the cycle continue but it actually worsens over time.The anger is caused by strong emotions and while running and meditation may help they wont solve the problem on their own.If you talk to someone about the anger eventually you will realise what these emotions are.Most likely they could be fears.You like running a competitive sport.You like to compete with yourself and you dont like to lose.So imagine you are playing tennis and you are competing against your anger.At the moment anger is winning because you are a little scared to do anything about it.If you want to beat this anger a doctor is not the answer and anger management classes are a little extreme.Perhaps counselling would be better.But do something.Best of luck

LegacyUser

Yes Roadrunner10 you're right, these things do play through my head while I'm running, and oddly it seems to help my performance probably due to extra testosterone or something.

Here's the thing. While I appreciate comments about counselling, anger management courses or whatever I have very little time and money for these kind of things. I'm not avoiding them per say though I do admit my personal preference is to avoid that kind of thing entirely, possibly due to personal prejudice or maybe it's the type of person I am, but I don't feel within myself that it's serious enough to warrant laying out cash to talk to someone about. I'm not exaggerating about the lack of time to avoid it either even with my one outlet of running I have to get up at 6/6.30 before the kids wake up to be able to do it. I used to do it in the evening and at night time after they went to bed, but that had to change after my encounter with knackerdom.

Maybe there is more to meditation than meets the eye I'll certainly look into it more, though when I think of meditation I have visions of long bearded hippies sitting cross-legged and chanting ohm over and over again

Just thinking about it I probably seem like either a lazy moaner who has an excuse for everything, or some kind of bigot with prejudices against any kind of outside help (there may be some truth to that one). I think I should have been more clear about what I was looking for by starting this thread. I'm probably just looking for a reason as to why it's happening, and a large part of me believes that if I can figure out the cause with certainty then I'll be able to resolve it myself. A recommendation of a book or something to help me re-evaluate the aspects of my life that are bring this anger out in me would probably suit the type of person I am more than anything. I've done it before for something completely different with a book called 'zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance' which is about neither zen nor motorcycle maintenance, but it is a great study on the values that people have in their lives by trying to explain the meaning of the word 'quality'.

I know it's a lot to ask, and it's probably frustrating to see the obvious answers being put down so I apologise for that. I appreciate people taking the time to answer though it's great to see that there are helpful people out there in Internet land

RossFixxxed

On that: if it looks or reads like a hippy was involved ignore it. There is a lot of new age rubbish out there, but the basic kind, no chanting, no candles, incence etc is actually very very good. I was the same, the image is terribly offputting, but the stuff is there!

PM me if you'd like and i can fire you over some ebooks (legal, free copies from monks etc!)

R

gemmah

Maybe get some counselling? (sp?) Sounds like you have a lot of deep issues.
Meditation does help so give it a right go and maybe it will help you unwind your problems, best of luck

VinnyTGM

You have to release you anger from time to time, otherwise it will build up inside and control you.