Am I doing something wrong?

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,

I'm currently in a well known college in Dublin, I haven't had a real girl friend in about 3 years. I find it hard to meet someone I view as "girlfriend material" its not about looks or anything its mainly about clicking with someone. Its really annoying at this stage because I find it hard meeting girls let alone ones I'm sexually interested in and the ones that I am interested in I tend to end up in that "just friends" category.I'm a smart guy, perhaps not the best looking but I'd say I'm alright and have plenty of friends both guys and girls. Problem is I have trouble finding someone with both I and they wanna be more than friends.
The reason I'm bringing this up is because all of my friends seem to have no problem picking up girls many of them they view as just flings , or something to stick it in on till something better comes along but I'm really not interested in someone who I can't 100% be happy with or them being 100% happy with me. It's a real problem I'm having and I'm starting to think if I spent much longer sitting around waiting that nothing will happen. Anyone got any suggestions?

Sugarlessfifi

Try getting out more often? Mingling yourself a bit more, the best way to really find out if you click with someone is having flings, the ones you click with you could consider dating.

Polleta

Well I'm a girl who went through all of college without a boyfriend. I got asked out a few times by male friends who I wasn't at all interested in. My course was 90% males too. I went travelling and randomly met a guy at the beach one day and went out with him for a while and then when I came back and got a proper job I met a great guy.

What I'm trying to say is it will happen don't fret about it. In col I had a thing that I didn't want to get involved with guys in my course and ended up seeing them all as brothers. Some of your female friends that you see as just friends may have friends who are perfect for you. It will all happen for you.

prinz

Whatever you do don't worry yourself about it, I was the same, could never go into a relationship just for the sake of it, or settle for less than what I was looking for (in either scenario, longterm future is bleak anyway IMO), so I held out and met her

Just relax and take things as they come and try not to get too caught up in what you're doing versus what others are doing. You're not doing anything wrong at the moment, trying to force something from nothing is not going to work either.

Sugarlessfifi wrote: »

Try getting out more often? Mingling yourself a bit more, the best way to really find out if you click with someone is having flings, the ones you click with you could consider dating.

Really, is it? Talk about SATC-pyschology.

OP I wouldn't recommend that whatsoever. Last thing you need is bringing your own, and someone else's emotions etc. into play, not going to help you at all tbh. You're doing fine, just don't over think it and develop a complex.

Sugarlessfifi

Well it's not the best way but it does help in getting to know someone if you don't want it to take a sudden turn to friendship. Another thing you could do is just ask them if they want to go out some time with out it having to involve a fling. Just a date like

iHeartRyanAdams

do you go out much?
are u in mnay societies in collge?
all depends where you go i think.. for example your never gonna find anything meaningful in 21s or coppers?!

iHeartRyanAdams

Sugarlessfifi wrote: »

Try getting out more often? Mingling yourself a bit more, the best way to really find out if you click with someone is having flings, the ones you click with you could consider dating.

i though the whole point of them is its one off.. a girl who has a one night stand is generally not looking for a relationship!:(

Sugarlessfifi

You'd be surprised, some girls who have flings, they do have it for a one night stand, but if they like the guy they I wouldn't be surprised if they were to call them again, and again

I know a lot of girls who ended up in serious relationships from blind dates, guys they picked up at a pub and flings.

LegacyUser

iHeartRyanAdams wrote: »

do you go out much?
are u in mnay societies in collge?
all depends where you go i think.. for example your never gonna find anything meaningful in 21s or coppers?!

OP here,

I go out a decent amount ( I was out today!). Enough to meet people.

I'm actually on a committee of one of a well known society in my college.

Yeah, Most places we do out isnt exactly where you find "girlfriend material"

VaioCruiser

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi Guys,

I'm currently in a well known college in Dublin, I haven't had a real girl friend in about 3 years. I find it hard to meet someone I view as "girlfriend material" its not about looks or anything its mainly about clicking with someone. Its really annoying at this stage because I find it hard meeting girls let alone ones I'm sexually interested in and the ones that I am interested in I tend to end up in that "just friends" category.I'm a smart guy, perhaps not the best looking but I'd say I'm alright and have plenty of friends both guys and girls. Problem is I have trouble finding someone with both I and they wanna be more than friends.
The reason I'm bringing this up is because all of my friends seem to have no problem picking up girls many of them they view as just flings , or something to stick it in on till something better comes along but I'm really not interested in someone who I can't 100% be happy with or them being 100% happy with me. It's a real problem I'm having and I'm starting to think if I spent much longer sitting around waiting that nothing will happen. Anyone got any suggestions?

Mmm... I worry about this concept of "girlfriend material".....

It looks to me like a combination of a couple of things.

Firstly - you don't want to date a girl unless you really really like her. I think that is just fine. However the downside is long periods alone. It's the price you pay.

Secondly - I sense a guy who is way way to "nice" when you meet girls. You may think this is a weird thing to say.... but it's not. Most girls just don't respond to too much niceness... :rolleyes:
You need to watch other guys that seem to be more successful. Watch their manner when they are with girls. Watch how they have a bit of an "edge" to them when they chat up a girl they like... how they look right into the girl's eyes periodically, how they don't get too intense into conversations and how they "listen" to a girl, not talk too much. How they touch a girl's arm or knee intermittently etc. etc. These are skills that some guys (I include myself) don't seem to have naturally and have to learn.

I went through all of college dateless. Sadly I did not develop these skills and manner until later. I wish someone had explained it to me back then...

All the best.

LegacyUser

Hey OP

I was like you a few years ago, went through college without having any gf or flings.
My opinion is if you go out with the intention of "scoring" to use the parlence of our time, more than lightly it wont happen. When I finsihed college I just went out to enjoy myself and without putting extra pressure on myself, I was more comfortable just being myself and chatting to girls. Just be yourself with a bit of confidence, no matter if it's the supermarket, a train station, the pub or anywhere.

She's out there somewhere, just no hurry on her.

LegacyUser

sometimes clicking straight away doesnt happen, sometime the mad hatter fox in the corner can be really sweet and caring and quiet, and the really quiet shy one can be amazing and bubbly when you get to know her, i would definately advise flings, not sleeping with them but having a few dates here and there, having a few innocent kisses, it will relax you and get you into the swing of things, sometimes you may not know someone is perfect for you until you give them the chance, and flings can turn into something more! i met guy really liked him had fun didnt have any expectations except to go out for a few dates and now two years later we are still going strong and im mad about him,

Polleta

I totally agree with the last poster. Sometimes you don't click right away. Sometimes you are having a chat with someone you have known for ages and just realise you are mad about them. Hard to understand perhaps unless it has happened to you. I certainly didn't think you could start to fancy someone after knowing them years but I did and turns out he had fancied me from the start so I was the slow one.

Fretting and giving off any form of desperation vibes sends us girls runniing for the hills. Being natural jokes stories whatever your thing is is what attracts me to guys.

You aren't doing anything wrong you just have to chill and look on the edges of your friends circle to see if you spot any interesting girls.

Wurly

Unregistered wrote: »

sometimes clicking straight away doesnt happen, sometime the mad hatter fox in the corner can be really sweet and caring and quiet, and the really quiet shy one can be amazing and bubbly when you get to know her, i would definately advise flings, not sleeping with them but having a few dates here and there, having a few innocent kisses, it will relax you and get you into the swing of things, sometimes you may not know someone is perfect for you until you give them the chance, and flings can turn into something more! i met guy really liked him had fun didnt have any expectations except to go out for a few dates and now two years later we are still going strong and im mad about him,

+1

I think you are being far too quick to pass these girls off as people you don't click with.

Give people a chance and you'll be pleasantly surprised. The poster i've quoted has explained this better than I could have.

Latchy

Unregistered wrote: »

someone who I can't 100% be happy with or them being 100% happy with me. It's a real problem

That's were your problem is ,you want to have somebody give themselfs to you 100% and likewise you to be 100% into them .People in the best relationships ,people who have being together a long time dont or cant alway give 100% .Your expectations in what your looking for might be a tad to high and might be off putting .Relationships are never that black and white

redhead82

I'll be your girlfriend!!!