In Patient Treatment For Depression/Anxiety - Advice Needed

LegacyUser

Hi There I am looking for advice on my current situation. My Wife is currently being treated in a private hospital for severe depression & anxiety disorder. She had been attending a consultant for just over a year but her condition has deteriorated considerably. She has spent close on 6 weeks in treatment & after two weeks in hospital she decided that we needed a break from each other as I was a negative influence on her condition. We are together a number of years and despite or ups and downs we are in a loving marriage. I have not seen her in person since then & it has developed that she now blames me for much of her depression & feels that our marriage is now over. I have been asked to not make contact with her but do receive messages from time to time from her & she knows I will be there for her. Ive been advised to give her space and as hard as it is I feel if it helps I have no problem keeping my distance.

My main problem is that now she seems to becoming quite distant with her parents to whom she has always been very close. They are as worried as I am but the hospital consultant refers any enquiries regarding my wife's condition to my wife. I believe that the consultant owes it to the family or at least the next of kin to give feedback on my wife's prognosis & progress in her treatment. We feel she is not much better than when she went into the hospital, she's now becoming detached from myself and her parents & she seems to be concentrating her efforts on her relationship with the friends she has made with other patients in the hospital.

We feel that there is a serious lack of support for the family and in summary I am looking for some advice as to what we can do.. do we not have rights to an open communication forum with the people that are treating my wife. Just yesterday I got to speak to her consultant but he says his primary concern is her well being and he cannot discuss her progress or treatment with me or her parents without my wife's express permission.

Finally as she is been treated for a mental health issue I believe that professional feedback is totally necessary as opposed to been asked to refer any questions on my wife's progress directly to herself. I am now sorry that we did admit her to the hospital as she seems to have gone backwards rather than forwards. Please any advise would be greatly appreciated

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi There I am looking for advice on my current situation. My Wife is currently being treated in a private hospital for severe depression & anxiety disorder. She had been attending a consultant for just over a year but her condition has deteriorated considerably. She has spent close on 6 weeks in treatment & after two weeks in hospital she decided that we needed a break from each other as I was a negative influence on her condition. We are together a number of years and despite or ups and downs we are in a loving marriage. I have not seen her in person since then & it has developed that she now blames me for much of her depression & feels that our marriage is now over. I have been asked to not make contact with her but do receive messages from time to time from her & she knows I will be there for her. Ive been advised to give her space and as hard as it is I feel if it helps I have no problem keeping my distance.

My main problem is that now she seems to becoming quite distant with her parents to whom she has always been very close. They are as worried as I am but the hospital consultant refers any enquiries regarding my wife's condition to my wife. I believe that the consultant owes it to the family or at least the next of kin to give feedback on my wife's prognosis & progress in her treatment. We feel she is not much better than when she went into the hospital, she's now becoming detached from myself and her parents & she seems to be concentrating her efforts on her relationship with the friends she has made with other patients in the hospital.

We feel that there is a serious lack of support for the family and in summary I am looking for some advice as to what we can do.. do we not have rights to an open communication forum with the people that are treating my wife. Just yesterday I got to speak to her consultant but he says his primary concern is her well being and he cannot discuss her progress or treatment with me or her parents without my wife's express permission.

Finally as she is been treated for a mental health issue I believe that professional feedback is totally necessary as opposed to been asked to refer any questions on my wife's progress directly to herself. I am now sorry that we did admit her to the hospital as she seems to have gone backwards rather than forwards. Please any advise would be greatly appreciated

Hi OP,

I dont see how she is going backwards it seems she has been feeling better in herself and wants some space from her enviroment to explore her issues, She is an adult and although she has been admitted into psychiatric care it does not mean she does not have personal rights, I think you need to trust the doctors and trust that she needs space away from you and her parents right now.

If she feels you have had an effect on her then she needs to work it out,

If you are feeling this situation is having an impact on you then maybe you could go and see a therapist yourself and try and explore why she would say you have contributed to her depression.

She may have felt trapped in her life for a long time, and although you may feel it is a loving marriage on your side she may not agree. If there is a chance that she can recover from the deep depression she was in i think she needs to do what she can to get to a better place, does she have grounds to feel you contributed to her depression?

Just because she has had depression does not mean she is crazy, she may be only expressing her voice for the first time in years and maybe you have habd some contribution in repressing that.

sam34

Unregistered wrote: »

but the hospital consultant refers any enquiries regarding my wife's condition to my wife. I believe that the consultant owes it to the family or at least the next of kin to give feedback on my wife's prognosis & progress in her treatment.



do we not have rights to an open communication forum with the people that are treating my wife. Just yesterday I got to speak to her consultant but he says his primary concern is her well being and he cannot discuss her progress or treatment with me or her parents without my wife's express permission.

Finally as she is been treated for a mental health issue I believe that professional feedback is totally necessary

you have no right whatsoever to access information on your wife's medical treatment. that is her personal, private and confidential information. it is up to her who she shares that with.

that is irrespective of what illness she is being treated for, be it physical or psychiatric. the fact that it is a psychiatric issue certainly does not mean that "open communication" is "totally necessary". she clearly remains capable of giving/witholding consent to the passing on of this information.

it would be unethical, not to mention illegal, if the medical team went behind her back and communicated with you when she has refused permission for this.

RossFixxxed

Be careful of the Homer Simpson approach to Marge's councelling. They're not going to blame you for everything. *I've* just had *MY* first session and *I* haven't said anything yet!!

Seriously though she needs space be totally open, she doesn't need to worry about what she says or does. Whatever it may be about. You definitely will make this worse if she is worrying about what you might think! Councelling etc. is the very place where any concern is lost, any consideration of what people would think needs to disintegrate.

You can be there to support her while she goes, (my OH waited in the car every time which was fantastic) but you should never, ever pry into any details.

Good luck OP, and to your wife.
R

Xiney

My mother has been treated as an inpatient in a psychiatric facility a few times over the course of my life. None of her admissions were voluntary on her part - they were all down to me getting her the help she needed. This caused her to resent me and turn against me, because I had "imprisoned" her.

She was also susceptible to this whole "making friends" with the other patients. I think it's a coping mechanism.

She may very well blame you for her depression - and you might even be the cause of it. It doesn't mean you're a bad person or that it is your fault. Take for example women with post-partum depression: ok, there are hormones and things involved but the ultimate conclusion is that it is a mother who has become depressed because she has given birth; it doesn't mean it's the baby's fault.

Still, as your wife is an adult she is free to make her own decisions. She may push you and her family out of her life. I hope she doesn't do that, but it's a possibility and I'm afraid there isn't much you can do about it.


Perhaps contact Aware - they have support group meetings for people whose loved ones suffer from depression. Good luck.