Family issues - how to let go

LegacyUser

You guys have given such wonderful advice on so many threads so I thought I'd see what you thought about this issue, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I'm 21 and five years ago my family- dad, mum, myself and brother fell out with my dad's mum and sister. My aunt who I was very close to growing up, deciding once she had her first child that she no longer needed to talk or see my dad (her brother) or the rest of my family- for reasons never mentioned, but we think its because her father (my grandfather) left my granny and had an affair and my dad, a teenager and the oldest in the family, stood up to him at the time and they have no spoken since.

So when it came to my aunt's first baby's christening, we believe she felt she could not ask her father to come as he had fallen out with her brother (my dad) and in general was not a very nice person to his ex wife or children but my aunt could never got over that fact. We, my dad mum, brother and I told her that if she really needed her father there, that that was no problem and we would call down to see them the day after but in the end she decided she wanted us there more than her dad. So that was the start of it really, she became more and more distance with us afterwards, with no lack of trying to contact her from our part. She also did other spiteful things such as telling us to turn up 2 hours late to my grandmothers surprise birthday party and we were left standing the whole night as she didnt even leave us a table to sit at. 3 years later, her second child is born and we are barely talking, my dad, mum, brother and I were not invitied to the christening and neither was her father.


Meanwhile, her mother (my grandmother) boasts about the christening to my family everytime she sees us and sees nothing wrong with my aunt cutting her bother and his family out of her life, when my dad asks her to talk to his sister about this issue, she says his sister can do what she wants and doesnt even try to make my aunt see sense, that we did nothing wrong and that we just wanted her and her family to be part of our lives. Finally my dad emails my aunt and tries to make her see sense, she does not even reply and when I broach the issue with my grandmother, my grandmother just screamed abuse at me. And when my dad came to visit as he was attending a local funeral, my granny kicked him out and made him drive three hours home becuase her darling daughter wanted to stay instead.

So now, we do not talk to my aunt or my granny. It's very hard to explain but it was a deeply hurtful situation, I do not want to spend the rest of my life not talking to almost all of my family but I cannot forgive them for what they have done. I wish I could because it tears me up inside but there is no way that I could ever happily talk and see them again and my two cousins without remembering all the years of hurt they have caused me, both my father and I are suffering from depression as a result of this.

What can I do to get over this?

LegacyUser

Hi Op,

Your dad sounds like a nice guy, your grandmother and Aunt sound like a right pair of witches. I would leave them all to it. Get on with your own lives and stop allowing them to treat you all so badly as you do not deserve this. It is their problem and not yours or your family, but I can understand the hurt you must be feeling for your dad to be treated like this. Let them do the running to you from now on...