I'm Different.

Freeze952

I don't mean to whine, but I'm only 14 and well, I'm gay. Im simply not attracted to women, It's not fair, I don't know how to tell anyone or who to turn to. My parents are homophobes , they would hate it if they find out. Everyone in my school slags gays and lesbians, Id never be able to show my face there if they find out and I dont want to live my life a lie! HELP!!
Thanks for showing intrest!

jen_23

Not helpful or funny Donneyboy..

Well you can't help who you are and people that love you should accept you for who you are.
Your parents may have their concerns at first but I'm sure they will still love you, they won't disown you. That is just a fear you have of telling them.

I would suggest you talk to your career guidance councellor in school and perhaps get her to organise for you to tell your parents with her present to mediate the situation.

Good luck.

Axwell

Well done lads arent ye both great..I can sense a banning coming very shortly..adios.

Webmonkey

Axwell wrote: »

Well done lads arent ye both great..I can sense a banning coming very shortly..adios.

A site ban at that, not only happening here.

OP, your still young, give it a bit of time. Going through a confusing stage of your life.

Lucy Lu

Donneyboy banned.

Strong Man banned.

Please keep all replies relevant.

the_god_swan

DonneyBoy wrote: »

Theres always suicide!

What a fcukin loser...

spurious

OP you might be gay, you might not. Many people feel like you do at your age. Many people feel they are different.
You might find Belong2 helpful.

irish_ninja

Freeze952 wrote: »

I don't mean to whine, but I'm only 14 and well, I'm gay. Im simply not attracted to women, It's not fair, I don't know how to tell anyone or who to turn to. My parents are homophobes , they would hate it if they find out. Everyone in my school slags gays and lesbians, Id never be able to show my face there if they find out and I dont want to live my life a lie! HELP!!
Thanks for showing intrest!

wel if you are so scared of telling your parents mabye you shouldnt until your totally sure.you could also go for a trip to another country and try something out

Webmonkey

Strong Man wrote: »

What? You can't ban me for my sexual orientation! I can't help liking younger men!

A very dodgy statement to say there when on a public site. You aren't as anonymous as you might like think.

jackblack99

one of my good friends came out and told me he was gay when he was 17. we played soccer and football the whole way up through school. It didnt bother me in the slighest. Who cares. If your friends are really your friends it wont make a difference who you fancy.

The Recliner

People use the report a post function if you have a problem with a post, there are a few unnecessary infractions in this thread

RossFixxxed

OP it is a tricky one. Things are certainly more liberal nowadays but there is still a lack of understanding for homosexuals.

The important thing is you look after yourself. The only person who's business this is, is YOU! And any partners you may have. It is not any business of your parents etc. There will always be slaggings etc in school over millions of things, but that's just kids bing stupid tbh. I know it would be so so much easier to be able to open up to people, and in time (especially college etc.) you will meet a group of peers.

You are very, very young and teenage years are very difficult. This is certainly a little extra burden to carry. Howevery, you seem articulate and bright, this is an advantage (though it seems not to be sometimes). Keep your head high. I would err on the side of caution for now, there is no need to fuel any childish, school fires.

As for your parents, I'm not sure. I'd say keep it to yourself for now, wait until you are older and more in control of your life. Once you are financially secure (or sort of like everyone atm) then they can choose to accpet you or you can walk.

Good luck OP!

At least you're not living 100 years ago, or in certain other countries!

Dr.Sanchez

Hmmm, I dunno. How can you tell your gay at 14? Your balls haven't even dropped yet...

...When I was 14 I was too busy being a child.

shellyboo

00Blaine00 wrote: »

Hmmm, I dunno. How can you tell your gay at 14? Your balls haven't even dropped yet!...

...When I was 14 I was too busy being a child.

That's a total copout, you know from a young age what your sexual orientation is. I was playing pretend wedding with my male cousins at age 5, and I had my first kiss with a boy when I was 10. You know.

OP, I think it's a great idea to get in touch with a youth support service for gay teens - it would really help you to talk to others going through the same thing. At the end of the day, you're still YOU, whether you're gay or straight - all the people who love you now, your friends, your family - they love you for who you are, not what your sexuality is. So try not to worry too much

Good luck with it!

RossFixxxed

00Blaine00 wrote: »

Hmmm, I dunno. How can you tell your gay at 14? Your balls haven't even dropped yet!...

...When I was 14 I was too busy being a child.

I was waiting for this. I can't say this from personal experience, but many gay people I've known said they were sure from quite a young age. Some though said they were very confused. Maybe he is sure. At that age my hormones were mental, but people grow up different.

OP this isn't as bad as it seems. As you get older you will see that. You're in a secure position, you don't HAVE to tell ANYONE. It is YOUR business. Best of luck!

R

Webmonkey

shellyboo wrote: »

That's a total copout, you know from a young age what your sexual orientation is. I was playing pretend wedding with my male cousins at age 5, and I had my first kiss with a boy when I was 10. You know.

OP, I think it's a great idea to get in touch with a youth support service for gay teens - it would really help you to talk to others going through the same thing. At the end of the day, you're still YOU, whether you're gay or straight - all the people who love you now, your friends, your family - they love you for who you are, not what your sexuality is. So try not to worry too much

Good luck with it!

Not exactly, it wasn't until I was that age that I started being attracted to girls. When I was younger (7ish - 10) maybe - I actually hated girls and could never go near them. Everyone is different.

danindublin

00Blaine00 wrote: »

Hmmm, I dunno. How can you tell your gay at 14? Your balls haven't even dropped yet...

...When I was 14 I was too busy being a child.

Hey OP,

Most of the guys I know knew they were gay at 14 and its not a phase so dont be lead down the "dont think about it and it'll go away" road. I know you think it's important now to have you're parents a part of your sexuality and to tell them but realistically its only you and you're trusted friends that need to know for now. Get you're head sorted and come fully to terms with what going on. Its a tough time for anyone and being gay can be very isolating if you feel the world is against you. The good news is that it all gets better with time.

shellyboo

Webmonkey wrote: »

Not exactly, it wasn't until I was that age that I started being attracted to girls. When I was younger (7ish - 10) maybe - I actually hated girls and could never go near them. Everyone is different.

Do you mean to say that until you were 10 you could have been gay? You just didn't know?

Webmonkey

shellyboo wrote: »

Do you mean to say that until you were 10 you could have been gay? You just didn't know?

No, I didn't like guys either! - I was just being a stubborn child with other things in my head, besides girls

I definitely wouldn't have called myself gay so I guess the OP does know himself and should real with it. Best luck OP

Freeze952

shellyboo wrote: »

That's a total copout, you know from a young age what your sexual orientation is. I was playing pretend wedding with my male cousins at age 5, and I had my first kiss with a boy when I was 10. You know.

OP, I think it's a great idea to get in touch with a youth support service for gay teens - it would really help you to talk to others going through the same thing. At the end of the day, you're still YOU, whether you're gay or straight - all the people who love you now, your friends, your family - they love you for who you are, not what your sexuality is. So try not to worry too much

Good luck with it!

Thanks, that was quite inspirational! Your a nice person!

shellyboo

Freeze952 wrote: »

Thanks, that was quite inspirational! Your a nice person!

Aww, that made my day OP Thanks

HouseHippo

00Blaine00 wrote: »

Hmmm, I dunno. How can you tell your gay at 14? Your balls haven't even dropped yet...

...When I was 14 I was too busy being a child.

Pah!



Plenty people know they are gay at 14........believe me!

Micky Dolenz

OP,
it's tough being 14 at the best of times. I found that age quite tough as I transferred from boy to man. My problems are bigger now but I am better equipped to deal with them.
At your age I found it all a bit confusing(life).

In the next couple of years you will learn to cope with the stresses of life. For now, contact one of the many organizations that can help you straighten things out in your head. (forgive the pun)

Parents can be funny creatures, my ould man thought he was a racist for years until my sister brought home a black guy. I still blush when I recall my dad saying to him "I never thought much of black lads, but your alright" the shame of it.

At the end of the day they are your parents and will love and support no matter what. Money on that by the time you tell them, they'll already know, mothers have a knack for that sort of thing.

Head up boy, your not as different as you think.

Faith

OP, you mention that you're not attracted to women, but are you actually attracted to men? I don't doubt that people know they're gay at young ages, but it seems foolhardy to me to assume one is homosexual by 14 if they simply have no sexual feelings for the opposite sex yet (or indeed, either sex). That can take time to develop in certain cases.

If you are attracted to men, and it was simply an omission from your first post, then this post is pointless.

eleven

I doubt anyone can really comment on whether the way someone else feels makes them gay or not, regardless of age.

I would say that at 14, which is a young age, it might be better to hang on to the info for another couple of years...

The reason I say this is because unfortunately there *can* be really negative reactions from people to hearing that someone they know is gay.

People at your school who are now 14 are more likely to be obnoxious or cruel or even violent to the news that one among them has outed themselves, the same people at 17 are much more likely to react maturely, supportively or at the very least with indifference.

The same could be said for your parents. To them at 14 you're still a child who doesn't know your own mind or what's best for you. By 17 you'll be nearly a man, who has had a long time to think on his choices and commit to them. (That doens't mean i think being gay is a choice btw). I think your parents would be more accepting of your sexuality at an older and more mature age. Instead of perhaps thinking it a 'phase', they might understand it to be a way of life.

Anyway, I'm sure it is very hard and good luck. 14 is the hardest year. It gets easier and easier from now on!

Freeze952

Faith wrote: »

OP, you mention that you're not attracted to women, but are you actually attracted to men? I don't doubt that people know they're gay at young ages, but it seems foolhardy to me to assume one is homosexual by 14 if they simply have no sexual feelings for the opposite sex yet (or indeed, either sex). That can take time to develop in certain cases.

If you are attracted to men, and it was simply an omission from your first post, then this post is pointless.

Of course im a little attracted to men but im just not attracted to girls

Taltos

Keep your head high OP.

Don't listen to all those that try to convince you are something you are not.
At 8 (yes I know...) I knew I was attracted to girls, at 11 I had my first girlfriend - unfortunately after that great start I got hit with a bout of self-esteem nibblers

Take some of the constructive advice you have heard/read already above.
I don't know what to tell you about your parents, unfortunately I do not know them - they might surprise you and be open about this - or they might now. Don't be surprised though if when they do find out they admit to knowing already.

I do remember my teen years (as long ago as it was). You might be really lucky or not - but kids can be mean vindictive B*******s. Just be careful.

At the end of the day though - be sure to be happy in who you are.

LegacyUser

I can only imagine at 14 how hard this is for a young lad if he's gay, but remember that you are NOT alone even though you feel that you are, every single person who realises this about themselves has to go through it. They all have to deal with their parents asking them why they havent got a girlfriend or their mates asking them if they are a homo or whatever... And when they are older why they arent married and generally being a-holes.

it's probably cold comfort to you, but it you should know that as you get older, your peers become much more accepting. Adolescents can often be d1cks, right? But in college for example, people don't care as much at all and you can find lots of friends, gay and straight who accept you for who you are.

And there's usually a reason to be picked on in school anyway... if it's not being gay its something else... (I was the smallest out of 130) you are going to have a lot of that so just develop a thick skin and ignore it I suppose.

the parents thing is a tougher one... some blame the kid... some blame themselves and see it as a failure on their part. But as you well know it's nobodies 'fault' at all. Thats just the way it is. try and make them see this.

cafecolour

I'd have to say I knew I was attracted to other guys at 12, when I had my first successful **** when looking at drawings of other guys in my sex ed book

OP, I'd second the advice to join a gay youth support group.

Don't feel like you have to tell people right now, even though it's a hard thing to keep to yourself. 14 is a hard age. I told people when I was 17, and my friends were great about it, but my parents did take a while to adjust (and are now absolutely fine about it). Though people are much more liberal these days, some people still have some presumptions. One big one, especially when younger, is that even if they are fine with it, they may be afraid being friends with a gay person will make other people think they are gay, and want to distance themselves.

Anyway, without saying anything about yourself, you can discuss the topic of homosexuality neutrally with people and start feeling out their views.

Not to put the cart before the horse, but don't put any pressure on yourself to rush in to things sexually. I made do with mutual masturbation and the like for years - watching porn with friends and truth-or-dare are both wonderful things Even though I came out at 17, I didn't have full penetrative sex until I was in a more long term relationship in my early 20s.

And definitely don't be hooking up with random older guys or finding guys on the internet or anything like that at this point. They definitely don't have your best interests at heart.

I know it's frustrating now, but take heart that it is a much different world, and gets better everyday. 17 is over a decade away for me know, and I can honestly not only have had encountered very few problems because of it in my life, but I think it's been a better life for me having been gay than had I not.

IgnatiusPop

shellyboo wrote: »

That's a total copout, you know from a young age what your sexual orientation is. I was playing pretend wedding with my male cousins at age 5, and I had my first kiss with a boy when I was 10. You know.

OP, I think it's a great idea to get in touch with a youth support service for gay teens - it would really help you to talk to others going through the same thing. At the end of the day, you're still YOU, whether you're gay or straight - all the people who love you now, your friends, your family - they love you for who you are, not what your sexuality is. So try not to worry too much

Good luck with it!

Hey Freeze, Just to follow up with what Shellyboo already said; A good mate of mine has a twin brother who's gay. Now, these two lads have parents who who could definitely be called homophobes, but when when my mates brother came out at age 19, his folks surprised everyone by not being too shocked about it. It all comes back to what Shelly mentioned - Ultimately, your friends and family will remember that it is you as a person that they know, and who's company they enjoy. And anyway - No one knows what floats your boat except you, and no one has to know until your ready to tell them. Chin up young man - these things have a way of working themselves out!:D

Carsinian Thau

Freeze952 wrote: »

I don't mean to whine, but I'm only 14 and well, I'm gay. Im simply not attracted to women, It's not fair, I don't know how to tell anyone or who to turn to. My parents are homophobes , they would hate it if they find out. Everyone in my school slags gays and lesbians, Id never be able to show my face there if they find out and I dont want to live my life a lie! HELP!!
Thanks for showing intrest!

I don't really know how to advise you but I can tell you what one of my friends did when in a similar situation to you.

I'd known him for about a year before he decided to come out. Nothing changed and all his friends still treat him the same. Real friends will accept their friends and would never let it be an issue. Like you, he had known all throughout school that he was gay but he waited until college before he decided to come out. That bypassed the whole school thing, but I don't really think it was a good idea and it can't have been easy for him.

Also like you, his parents are homophobes. He has yet to tell him. This I do think is wrong as (even he admits this) your parents will accept you for who you are. Homophobia in Ireland just stems from idiocy passed down from generation to generation. You'd be surprised by how willing people can be to change their attitudes when they find out that their beliefs are unfounded and just plain stupid.

I recommend that you try some of the support services for gay teens as suggested by other posters.

If you really feel that you need someone to talk to, join this site (a random username will provide anonymity) and go to the Lesbian & Gay & Bisexual forum.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

Well done on listening to yourself and figuring out you feel this way.

Interestingly enough it is quite common for homophobic parents to have a gay child, dont feel like this is all your fault, this spiritual lesson as i like to call it will make you the person you were born to be, just dont worry because when you have reconciled that you are gay within yourself the rest will follow.


The world is a big place and there are many people feeling like you and who have felt trapped with this hanging over them, It may be worth keeping it quiet until a better time you feel is right, do you have any friends you can 100% trust? It may be a great support to tell a very trusting person this and then you can start to share your thoughts and feelings. Once you build up a support network around you you will feel like you have something to fall back on when the time comes.


Please dont lok at this as a negative thing, you should be proud of who you are and accept that everyone is unique and different, a lot of my gay friends struggled coming out but once they did they embraced themselves.

I dont know if your watching big brother at the mo but i think there is only one straight person on the whole show, it seems to be odd if you are not gay!

best of luck OP dont give up, working through this will making you strong and come out the otherside to a happy and fullfilled person because you listend to yourself

Overheal

00Blaine00 wrote: »

Hmmm, I dunno. How can you tell your gay at 14? Your balls haven't even dropped yet...

...When I was 14 I was too busy being a child.

...ok, I dont know about you, but I hit puberty at 11. And that did not stop me from liking pokemon. Damn that Misty.

OP I dont know why nobody has mentioned this to you yet but boards.ie has an LGB forum if you want to go get some advice in there from other gays that have been in your position:

http://boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=255

smileykey

Hi OP, I was in your shoes once and I really don't envy you. Its a horible place to be but please don't let it take over your life. You're more than just gay you're so many other things and if you feel you aren't in a position to come out and express/live that aspect of who you are then concentrate on the other parts of you. If you want to come out then do it. Thinking of what might happen is usually scarier than what does actually happen. Good luck with it. Things will get better. As you get older you'll have more controll of your life and won't have to worry as much about the possibility of negative reactions. Hang in there.

Ps if you know you're gay then you know your gay, don't listen to people who are trying to tell you that you're too young to figure it out.

coadyj

Freeze952 wrote: »

I don't mean to whine, but I'm only 14 and well, I'm gay. Im simply not attracted to women, It's not fair, I don't know how to tell anyone or who to turn to. My parents are homophobes , they would hate it if they find out. Everyone in my school slags gays and lesbians, Id never be able to show my face there if they find out and I dont want to live my life a lie! HELP!!
Thanks for showing intrest!

well you are certainly not different, you're just in a minority.

As for you parents, they will love you no matter what.

As for the people in school, you will find once you tell them in a mature way, the will respect your bravory for coming out and will not hassle you at all.

Now for the bit that sounds tough, people at age 14 do go through phases, I though I was bisexual at that age but completely grew out of it. Now I'm not saying this is the case for you, but you might want to give it a bit of time. At 14 your certainly not aware of how you really feel and it might be a bit premature to come out now. hold off till you about 16/17 and see how you feel about it.


and GL