Bad face?

LegacyUser

Thoughout my adult life I have had people make comments (mostly behind my back but occasionally to my face) about being ugly. I am slim and have a reasonable good figure, which is great but I not that pretty.

I know looks aren't everything but society is quite looks orientated and people do assess others appearance whether they meen to or not.

I peronanaly don't think I am that ugly, I think the people that have said this about me were being harsh , as while I am no stunner I'm not monsterous or anything, but it hurts none the less. It makes me wonder how many other people have been saying it behind my back, is this what people think when they see me? Every time I hear it i feel a little of my confidence ebbing away. It's starting to really depress me. I have recently considered deliberatly putting on a lot of weight so the contrast between face an body wouldn't be so great that people comented on it. I have also considered surgery.

I know it's easy to say, ignore these people, it doesn't matter. But it does. I hate to be thought of as ugly, I hate the crude remarks I get. This isn't just one group of people that do this it's been several people thoughout my life.

legend365

Were all these people friends or ''friends''?

Real Friends wouldn't insult or bring you down. FACT.

I know pleeeenty of ugly people but i wouldn't let them know! Plus once you get to know them, you realise there not ugly at all really. If they had a bad personality though...thats a different Kettle of fish.

Focus on the positives (slim and good figure) and im sure your personality would count for somthing. Last thing you want is to be overweight aswell!

LegacyUser

No these people weren't my friends. Some of them have been 'so called' friends. But most have been strangers, people in the street etc. Or people I know as acquatences of freinds of friends.

I could actually tell you the exactl occasions when it has been said to me. It hurts me a lot that people are so cruel to me, with no motive at all. I can accept that some of them were just bad people, maybe even jelous of me. But complete strangers or virtual stranger have no motivation to say these things.

God I hate the way I look.

JTD.Vapour

Sorry to hear you feel that way op. Regardless of them being your "friends" or not. It is very disrespectful to say things as harsh as that behind someones back or even worse face to face. You sound like a nice girl op, and you obviously don't want another "just ignore them" reply. Your a way better person than any of them, they do not deserve your company.

On a more positive note, you like your body. Be proud of it. Alot of women would die for a "reasonable figure". Try to keep your head up, and be proud of who you are. If you have confidence in your body, why not flaunt it? It'll surely bring up your confidence in yourself.

Dont be who other people want you to be, be yourself. You sound lovely, stay that way. People will eventually realise looks arent everything, and people will start respecting you for who you really are.

-VaPz

LegacyUser

how do you define 'ugly'? imo everyone looks more or less the same, we all have our good and bad attributes

JTD.Vapour

Unregistered wrote: »

how do you define 'ugly'? imo everyone looks more or less the same, we all have our good and bad attributes

I agree 100%

-VaPz

LegacyUser

Thanks for your replies. I know it's right that these people are very harsh people and probabaly not worse the time of day. But when you here something enough times you start to beleive it.

I don't think everyone does look the same. Mpost people do have at least some good physical attributes but some or people are just more pleasing to the eye then others. It's subjective of course as people's tastes vary but some people are just luckier then others in terms of looks. It can be tough for those of us not so blessed.

LegacyUser

Personally I have a face that makes babies cry...

Now when I look in the mirror I don't find it so bad and my woman seems to like the look of it (thank god!). I'm far from saying I'm perfect but when I smile I think I have a kind / happy / trusting face. I found it incredibly difficult to find love, I was the big, fat, friendly one and had to make myself scary looking (skinhead etc) to even get a look in for girls. I'm still initially a scary looking man but after 5 seconds of chatting to me you will see the real me.

I've had many friends have had been slagged about fatness and bigness by lots of them, but in turn I was able to slag them back about their skinniness and we had the ability to take a hand at ourselves. So yes we played our insecurities off of each other but were still great friends.

There's always the shítheads on the street going, "look at the size of that", "freak," and "Fat bàstard" but to be honest they matter less these days, real friends and family count much much more. True friends, even ones as insecure as yourself will last the test of time and you will find that perfect partner, maybe you will have to risk it a bit more, and face much more rejection that socially acceptable aesthitically nice people BUT when you do find the one, he / she will be so much more that those other poor image only peoples partners... all imho... I'm a happy bunny with a beautiful wife and kids and a successful business

Overheal

you know who has a really strange face? Jay Leno

its all about how you present it. your mood and your confidence levels always show up in your face. always.

rantyface

Why don't you confront them and ask why they would say such things? I've never heard anyone comment on a person I knew so cruelly. Celebrities, sure, but not real people who are expected to come with warts and all.

A lot of people spend a lot of time doing their hair and make up, and I found that in school almost everyone looked the same by the end (slim, dyed blonde/brunette, fake tan) and their actual natural facial features were not as noticeable as their overall "look".

Firetrap

OP don't get hung up on your face. Even though we inherit our basic looks from our parents, we make our own faces. For some reason, a neighbour of mine came to mind. I guess if you looked at her face, you'd say she wasn't good looking. But, because she's a lovely person and is a smiley type, her looks don't come into it. Not everyone can be a beauty queen with flawless looks. In fact, some of those people are the most horrible folk you can ever hope to meet.

If I think about my female friends, some of them aren't what you would call conventionally beautiful. It doesn't matter though. Faces are only a way of identifying people - in no time it's their personality that counts.

willy wonka

OP what are people actually saying to you? They're hardly saying "God, you're ugly", are they?

My mum when she was younger was gorgeous - she was the spit of Isabella Rosellini (I look more like my Dad ). When she was growing up some people told her she was plain and she believed them. She won a beauty contest as a young woman (her friends entered her) but she always thought of herself as plain. People can be very cruel and jealous.

I don't know if you're an "Isabella Rosellini" or whatever but if you think you look OK, then that's fine.

A lot of girls nowadays are groomed to within an inch of their lives and appear attractive. If all the fake tan, hair extensions, make up was stripped off them, very few would be considered naturally beautiful.
Even famous actresses - a lot are very average looking but with all the styling they look amazing.

coadyj

I know this might seem a bit shallow, but i know a few ugly girls who would have nice bodies, who with a bit of confidence totally pull it off and people often comment on how they are sexy.

Don't put on weight that's just dumb, be who you are and love yourself. The rest will fall into place.

Don't be so quick to believe these randomers are motiveless.
Nobody kicks a dead dog. You are most likely stirring resentment in them somehow.

I have had people feel the need to inform me that they think I'm a munter often. From a very young age. I'm a redhead, it is par for the course.
I've never given a damn what any of these type of people think. Because even as a child I realised that a shell that you were born into, is such a petty thing to judge a person by.

You said yourself that your face is perfectly normal looking. Why let a minority of people who are so obviously ignorant, get to you.

Don't be so quick to believe these randomers are motiveless.
Nobody kicks a dead dog. You are most likely stirring resentment in them somehow.

+1

OP I dont know anyone who would go around saying that to someone's face if they really were ugly. Any chance you're actually good looking and they're jealous? I grew up thinking I was minging because of the barbed comments from girls at school. Really, genuinely believed I was plain at best. Didn't bother experimenting with make-up cos I thought there was no point and didn't wear trendy clothes because I felt ugly and stupid. Myteenage years were ruined with low self esteem - never went out, never had boyfriends. My aunt is a photographer and used some shots of me for a high profile exhibition - I had people ringing me about modelling work and asking her what agency I was signed with. I'm 24 now and only in the last couple of years did I realise I'm considered good looking. My mam always told me the girls at school were jealous but I thought it was a typical mam response to make me feel better.

Just a suggestion but it's true that nobody would make those comments to your face without a reason. There's some sort of resentment there for some reason.

legend365

Yea i'd have to agree. People aren't nasty for no reason! I'd put it down to jealousy.

I've always believed that an insult says a lot more about the person throwing it than it does about the target.

LegacyUser

willy wonka wrote: »

OP what are people actually saying to you? They're hardly saying "God, you're ugly", are they?

My mum when she was younger was gorgeous - she was the spit of Isabella Rosellini (I look more like my Dad ). When she was growing up some people told her she was plain and she believed them. She won a beauty contest as a young woman (her friends entered her) but she always thought of herself as plain. People can be very cruel and jealous.

I don't know if you're an "Isabella Rosellini" or whatever but if you think you look OK, then that's fine.

A lot of girls nowadays are groomed to within an inch of their lives and appear attractive. If all the fake tan, hair extensions, make up was stripped off them, very few would be considered naturally beautiful.
Even famous actresses - a lot are very average looking but with all the styling they look amazing.

OP here. Eell on one occasion someone has said to my face 'you are s ugly'. But me and that person were arguing anyway and they resorted to that. It hurt nonetheless.

On 3 or 4 occasions (over sevearal years) i have had groups of teanagers shout something along the line of 'nice body shame about the face'. On one occasion I overheard a couple of girls saying this about me. I recently found out that two girld who were part of a group that I was a memeber of used to day it all the time behind my back (I think this one was motivated by jelousy or insecurity but it didn't come from nowhere). I used to get it at school too.

I know people that shoud insults at you in the street aren't worth the time of day but it makes me wonder if people like that are willing to say it, is this what other people are thinking but they're too polite to say? I think that might be the case.

I know maybe I am being a bit shallow here and I should think myself lucky that I have a normal as some people are born with things actually wrong with their appearance but I don't want to be 'the ugly one' in people's minds. I don't want people to think that when they look at me.

I do make an effort with my appearance, I where a bit of makeup neary everyday but I think my face is just oddly proportioned or soemthing and there isn't a great deal makeup can do about it.

LegacyUser

Deleted User wrote: »

I've always believed that an insult says a lot more about the person throwing it than it does about the target.

I agree. But it's still bad to hear and I can't help but take it on board when you hear I hear it several times from various people.

LegacyUser

Hey there op. I'd probably fall into a similar category as you. I've a pretty nice body but the bone structure in my face isnt the best ever. I have good days and bad days about it.

I also would have been on the receiving end of those kind of comments. But heres the thing, I get way more compliments than insulting comments. I bet you do too and you forget them or brush them off. Its human nature to forget the compliments and remember the insults. When really it should be the other way around.

We only get one go at this life, so dont waste it worrying about your face. Make the most of yourself (I'm sure you do this anyway) and keep going And let those comments slide off like water off a ducks back. There'll always be people better and worse off than you are.

LegacyUser

I agree with Izzy Wizzy. Maybe you are very good looking and these people are jealous. Are you a teenager or in collage? These can be the worst years for low self esteem. Also, both guys and girls this age can be awfully cruel and jealous. I'm not saying that they all are but they are very competitive years amongst peers.
It is also possible that you are average looking (not extra beautiful or ugly) and that you have an exceptionally good figure which they are jealous of and insulting your face is all they can do to vent their jealously. This sounds likely, as you have said that your figure often gets commented on. For God's sake don't put on weight and ruin your lovely figure. what will that achieve???
You say yourself you reckon you have a nice enough face. You are probably right! Don't listen to these idiots. Be yourself and make the most of yourself.

Kipperhell

OP
Sometimes people have to deal with reality no matter what good will exists. I am short people call me short sometimes friendly other times not. I can deny I am short but the reality is I am short and have to live with it.
It sounds like it is not being directly said in many instances but occasionally you hear about it. I don't know what you look like but you could actually be considered ugly in this culture as some people are consider beautiful . It isn't the worse thing in the world and you may be better of understanding that rather than denying it.
A friend of a friend is very large and I have had to listen to her go on about how she is a real woman and not like a "stick insect". Often she wears clothes meant for somebody much slimmer. Her close friends give her all the support to her face but say to other people how she is really huge and should probably deal with it. I still don't know what is the right thing to do but human nature is as it will always be.

Age will change everything and you may hold up well in time and be considered good looking. My mother was always very plain but she kept her figure and now is considered attractive by many men her age. Try not to let it get you down or effect your self esteem but I wouldn't deny it either as that can be worse.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

I agree with Izzy Wizzy. Maybe you are very good looking and these people are jealous. Are you a teenager or in collage? These can be the worst years for low self esteem. Also, both guys and girls this age can be awfully cruel and jealous. I'm not saying that they all are but they are very competitive years amongst peers.
It is also possible that you are average looking (not extra beautiful or ugly) and that you have an exceptionally good figure which they are jealous of and insulting your face is all they can do to vent their jealously. This sounds likely, as you have said that your figure often gets commented on. For God's sake don't put on weight and ruin your lovely figure. what will that achieve???
You say yourself you reckon you have a nice enough face. You are probably right! Don't listen to these idiots. Be yourself and make the most of yourself.

No I am not a teenager, I am in my mid 20s.

I sometimes thing it migh be the case that it's my good figure that makes some people want to pull me down and as I only have an average face that's what they focus on. Other times i look in the mirror and thing 'my god they're right, I am ugly!'. Sometimes when I walk into a room I think everyone is thinking how ugly I am.

Sameheretoo, You're right I do gte more compliments that insults but I alway forget the compliments and think people are just telling me what I want to hear when they compliment me. I havw even been told I am pretty by some people, I think they were being kind though.

Thw thing that gets to me is that I would NEVER say anything so harsh about people. I hate it when I hear someone unnecessarily being nasty and harsh about people and I think it makes that look bad not the person they're talking about. I don't know why people feel the need to hiurt someones feelings like that.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Sameheretoo, You're right I do gte more compliments that insults but I alway forget the compliments and think people are just telling me what I want to hear when they compliment me.

Well is that why you give compliments to others or do you compliment because you genuinely mean what you're saying?

I havw even been told I am pretty by some people, I think they were being kind though.

Or they might even think you're pretty!

Thw thing that gets to me is that I would NEVER say anything so harsh about people. I hate it when I hear someone unnecessarily being nasty and harsh about people and I think it makes that look bad not the person they're talking about. I don't know why people feel the need to hiurt someones feelings like that.

Yeah I got this from a guy a few weeks ago with a 'nice shoes, shame about the rest of you' comment. Thing is I could have taken him apart completely looks wise, job wise, success wise. I knew that, but didnt verbalise it. He knows it and I know it and I'm content enough with that.

Miss Fluff

I think it's great that you look after yourself and wear make up etc.

You know some people are not "conventionally" good looking and can be as sexy and appealing as hell? And it all comes from an inner confidence and being happy in your own skin. I'd put money on it that you have great eyes, or maybe beestung lips or perhaps cheekbones to die for. Why don't you go to a good make up consultant, or MAC and ask them to show you how to bring out the best of your features? If you feel good about yourself and feel you are making the best of yourself, you will consequently exude confidence and attract GOOD attention.

I've known some people through life who are "good looking" and they are so UGLY inside it makes them horrible and unattractive in my eyes.

You sound like a great girl so stop being hard on yourself. F8ck the begrdugers, people that mind don't matter and people that matter don't mind. Give yourself a break girlfriend and start believing that you ARE attractive and that you HAVE something to offer. I bet there's an absolute kitten inside if you actually give her the chance to come out and play.:)

dancingqueen

OP, your post made my heart go out to you.

Being attractive is not that exact, that some people's harsh words can make you really believe you are "ugly" as you put it.

You are who you are, your personality and your confidence show your attractiveness... When I meet people, it's how they hold themselves, and the pride they take in themselves that makes them appeal to me.

Get yourself a new outfit, or haircut, or something that makes you feel good about you.. every day pick something else wonderful about you and look in the mirror and believe that it makes you part of the wonderful person you are.

DQ