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Moaning all the time.

  • 08-06-2009 11:28AM
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭


    Okay, I've become the kind of person I used to hate and it all came to head when members of my family picked me up on it last night. Basically the past 2 months I've become a bit of a moany-hole. I've got into a terrible habit of moaning about anything and everything and I'm finding it hard to stop. As my family said, I was never like this before and it was a trait in people that i'd strongly deplore and still do, even if I've developed it myself.

    My current situation is not ideal: living with my parents after living abroad, monotonous job with a long commute in and out of work (only job I could get after travelling), single and friends settling down etc. but it really isn't that bad; I'm luckier than alot of people out there and I do realise this, but I still find myself moaning an awful lot. My family are getting the brunt of it in particular but luckily they're patient with me and I usually moan with a sense of humour, so they did find it funny at the start but now they're sick of it, I think. It's gone beyond the point of a joke. I'm not sure if I'm as moany with work colleagues and friends but my family made the point that I might be so used to moaning now that I don't even realise I'm doing it. I would hate the idea that I'm becoming the kind of person people want to avoid because of this negativity and I'm actually giving myself a headache from my incesant moaning...I'm actually becoming sick of myself.

    Saying all this, I woke up this morning with the intention to start afresh and moan less but when I got into work today, I noticed that people I work with moan a heck of alot as well, even in the space of a 20 minute conversation over tea...about the weather, the recession, the price of clothes, food, drinks etc and I purposely did not contribute to this but it was tempting...it was as if the moaning is a kind of vent for people...maybe it was Monday morning blues, I don't know. Are the Irish more predisposed to moaning than other nationalities? When I lived abroad, I'm sure I moaned less than I do now in Ireland. Who knows.

    Still, I know most people don't moan ALL of the time like I'm doing at the moment, particularly with my family. I'm sure all this complaining can't be good for my mental state and I'm not as happy in life as I was before and it certainly isn't good for my family's sanity either. How do I snap myself out of this habit? I even find my thoughts are becoming more and more negative than they used to be because of this and I've become gloomy and down in the dumps. I know people will tell me to just stop but I've tried this a few times and within minutes, the complaining negative persona that I've taken on the past few months reappears. It's wreaking mine and everyone's head and it's time to stop...but how?


Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 134 ✭✭stressed out


    Moany_Hole wrote: »
    Are the Irish more predisposed to moaning than other nationalities? When I lived abroad, I'm sure I moaned less than I do now in Ireland. Who knows.

    I think the Irish are predisposed to moaning. We moan about the bad weather and when we get good weather, we moan that it's too hot. :D

    A part of the problem OP is you have come back from travelling, from freedom and have come back to the rat race AND having to move back in with your parents. Not an easy situation, believe me. I had to move back in with my parents and it can be a very stressful situation. I've turned into a pain in the a*se because I'm living at home. I know I wouldnt be like this if I lived independently.

    So you have a triple whammy and you're essentially venting. I would stay away from the moaners at work who aren't helping the situation, they will just bring you down. If it's at all possible find your own space or at least somewhere you can go at the weekends.

    As for the job situation, well don't do as I do and resist getting a sh*t job so I can pursue my dream to write. I'm somewhat happier but broke and some people can see me as a waster, but whatever!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,324 ✭✭✭Oh The Humanity


    I'm sure all this complaining can't be good for my mental state and I'm not as happy in life as I was before and it certainly isn't good for my family's sanity either. How do I snap myself out of this habit? I even find my thoughts are becoming more and more negative than they used to be because of this and I've become gloomy and down in the dumps.

    I know what you mean. Its easy sometimes to fall into a negative cycle of thinking, especially in this country.

    I do think the Irish might be more pre-disposed to moaning, but to be fair we have plenty to moan about.

    On saying all that however, youa re right, its actually a bad habit but one well worth getting rid of.

    Its fine to join in on a moaning session in work, thats just canteen bonding but keep your tongue in your cheek and dont let it descend into nothing but moaning.

    I would say you need to inject some pleasure into your life, can you take up something you love doing....football once a week or something else that will get you moving and give you something else to talk about....?

    Maybe you do that already though I dunno. Commuting is drudgery and soul destroying so you need things that will lift your spirits a few times a week to break the pattern!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I think the Irish are predisposed to moaning. We moan about the bad weather and when we get good weather, we moan that it's too hot. :D

    A part of the problem OP is you have come back from travelling, from freedom and have come back to the rat race AND having to move back in with your parents. Not an easy situation, believe me. I had to move back in with my parents and it can be a very stressful situation. I've turned into a pain in the a*se because I'm living at home. I know I wouldnt be like this if I lived independently.

    So you have a triple whammy and you're essentially venting. I would stay away from the moaners at work who aren't helping the situation, they will just bring you down. If it's at all possible find your own space or at least somewhere you can go at the weekends.

    As for the job situation, well don't do as I do and resist getting a sh*t job so I can pursue my dream to write. I'm somewhat happier but broke and some people can see me as a waster, but whatever!

    It's reassuring to hear you're going through something similar, Stressed, and you would admit to being a pain in the a*se as well but I have tried to explain to my family that they need to be patient with me for the time being (I'm moving away in a few months, hopefully) and that it's all a bit of a comedown after being away for so long. They continue to remind me how lucky I was to essentially have over a year-long holiday and I would agree with them OF COURSE but I made a lot of sacrifices to have that year-long holiday and it wasn't always the piece of cake that they're lead to believe. I travelled alone and I had some really tough times but now I've nobody to talk about my experiences with since I've been home. It's as if it never happened.

    I felt I changed alot while travelling...I did some volunteering and I saw how bad other people had it in comparison to us and I thought I would've gained some lasting perspective on life but it seems the minute I landed into Dublin airport, I reverted back to my 12 year old self again. I felt I became a more patient, open-minded, tolerant, easy-going person, sociable person and now I've become the kind of person I wouldn't want to spend more than 10 minutes with. 3 months ago I liked who I'd become and I was very proud of what I achieved (saving for the trip and travelling for over a year as a single, white female in a foreign continent). I hope this passes and I cop the hell on soon.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 190 ✭✭SueWho


    I decided about a year ago to really become more positive and to quit moaning. Like you, the first thing I noticed was how much complaining people do- in work, at home, in the pub...

    Simply keep a check on yourself and everytime you find yourself complaining, just stop and find a positive aspect to focus on. THERE IS ALWAYS A POSITIVE ASPECT, EVEN IN THE MOST GLOOMY SITUATIONS.

    And when others are dragging you down with their moaning, there's nothing for it except to reply to all moaniness with bright positive statements and if your positivity is not well received, excuse yourself politely from the conversation.

    Like the saying "kill with kindness", do the same with positivity. People will eventually see that you don't want to take part in their moaning and if you're the first to always come up with something positive to say, PEOPLE WILL REALLY LIKE YOU.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 83 ✭✭eleven


    Oh my god. Thank you so so so much for all these posts. I'm not sure what to say except that I relate, and I'm gonna try really hard to stop when I'm being negative or moaning and find the positive. ARgh, its hard but we can do it.

    Thanks again everyone. I really mean it. :)


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 301 ✭✭marie_85


    http://www.acomplaintfreeworld.org/

    Check out the above website! It's a cute idea about living in a Complaint Free world. You send away for two bracelets, and the idea is that you wear one on your wrist, and every time you catch yourself complaining, you change the bracelet to the other wrist. The aim is to get to 21 days without changing the bracelet.

    It's almost scary when you start out, because you start by changing the bracelet to your other wrist practically every sentence, but it's a good way of catching yourself from complaining too much.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I too did a lot of travelling in my twenties and returning to Ireland felt like a big step backwards. Living at home again, putting up with sibling rivalry when you feel you have outgrown all that and parents not treating you as the adult that you've become. It's tough.
    Moving out of the family home might be a good idea for you. You sound as if you get on good with your family. I thought I did too but on hindsight I think that living with them was subconsiously very frustrating for me if you know what I mean. I was still living by their rules under their roof when I had changed tremendously as a person and I felt it very stagnating for my own personal development as a person.
    As for work, try to consciously say only positive things. When people moan around you, try to see it as only their opinion and not the way the world necessarily is. Try to see the positive in everything and accept that yes, there will be rainy days and days that you hate going into work but if every day was perfect we would soon get bored of that too.
    And maybe also, instead of seeing being back in Ireland as a step backwards see it as another country to experience. Do things that you haven't done here before...surfing, hillwalking, weekend workshops in soapmaking, creative writing, cookery...the list is endless. Do what other travelers here are doing, no need to stop being the intrepid traveler just because you are in your own country.
    Don't say you can't afford it!...that would be moaning...lol.
    Goodluck.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,296 ✭✭✭Wompa1


    I've never had the chance to travel but I moan alot and hate it but can't stop myself. I hate everything and everyone. I'm going to take up 'smoking' even though I have always hated it just to try to make myself happier


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 12,433 ✭✭✭✭Mr Benevolent


    Wompa1 wrote: »
    I've never had the chance to travel but I moan alot and hate it but can't stop myself. I hate everything and everyone. I'm going to take up 'smoking' even though I have always hated it just to try to make myself happier

    That's probably a bad idea.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 827 ✭✭✭VinnyTGM


    Wompa1 wrote: »
    I've never had the chance to travel but I moan alot and hate it but can't stop myself. I hate everything and everyone. I'm going to take up 'smoking' even though I have always hated it just to try to make myself happier
    You sound depressed.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 38 emigrant36


    and cigarettes contain depressing chemicals.. don't do it!! (says the 20-a-day lady!!) I might try the bracelet idea, I'm always moaning in work!! Ah ****e, just remembered I can't wear bracelets in work.. moan!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    OP, i am/was one of those "humourous" moany f*ckers, suppose its just easier to moan alot of the time, ive began to see things in a more positive light though, you got to train yourself to think more positivily, i just thought to myself one day what it would be like listening to me all the time, id say it was completely draining, now if im going to give my opinion on anything i first have a quick think and ask myself "am i moaning for the sake of it", "is it really worth a moan", "surely theres something positive to say on the issue", now usually (generally speaking) if i have nothing positive to say i dont say anything. Don't get me wrong im not turning into a happy spa as they can be just as annoying and draining as moany f*ckers but now im just thinking before i talk. Ill moan only when appropriate and wont moan just to be heard.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,296 ✭✭✭Wompa1


    VinnyTGM wrote: »
    You sound depressed.

    Tried it!! Would not suggest it! I was pro-legalising before I tried it


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 166 ✭✭TedB


    Not the worst character flaw to be honest. It can be quite endearing when its not overdone and/or done with a sense of humour. Its in our Irish blood, something to do with how we moaned over how little food there was to go round the 15/16 children in the house...


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