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Broken up - heartbroken!

  • 08-06-2009 9:52am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi guys,

    have been reading this forum for a couple of days now and the advice seems really truthful but comforting so decided to post.

    Basically my girlfriend of 13 years broke up with me last week and I have been feeling like hell since. She says it because she thinks she loves me as a friend, doesn't want a relationship just now, doesn't think she was fully happy with me etc, etc.

    I am completely heartbroken. I absolutely adore her and I know that what she is feeling is not a deliberate and spiteful thing, it's just natural, so I can't even bring myself to feel any anger towards her.

    I will summarise what's happened. We were together from 16 and grew up together and went through some emotional times and supported each other. Eventually after uni etc we bought a flat together then got engaged. It all seemed to be falling into place but a couple of months after getting engaged she said it wasn't what she wanted anymore and that she didn't love me anymore. This was a total out the blue to me but I moved out at her request as she said her mind was totally made up. She started to see someone immediately, I was in bits and just couldn't stop texting her, emailing etc. I was a mess. Anyway about 6 months after the break up we were still in contact and she decided that trying again would be worth it. So we did and it seemed to be working again, the sex life was back and living apart allowed us more space although we did see alot of each other. So another 6 months on and here I am, back at square one. She has decided it's not working again and after falling head over heels again I am left heartbroken and feeling like the world has ended.

    We had a great relationship in terms of hardly ever arguing, not having a problem with each other going out with friends or living in each others pockets. Sure the sex life tailed off but after so long together I thought this was just the norm and she never mentioned to me that there were any problems either time she decided to end it. The whole thing has been a bombshell to me and naturally left me feeling like I am the worlds least desirable human being!

    I reckon the problem after the first break up was that we were in contact alot (although mostly she didn't want to be) and although we thought trying again was a fresh start it really was only a continuation of the relationship we had. Although I tried to change things she didn't like maybe I just got to relaxed and thought it was all working again.

    The problem for me is that I still love her to bits and hope that she will want to try again someday. She says she wants to be friends but I think it's just to make things easier for her in terms of guilt although I have no doubt it's been hard for her also.

    Am I being stupid, naive or just human? Is there any hope I can get the girl I love back? Does she maybe just need time?


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