Ceremony request

monosharp

Right so ....

I'm getting married in a month and I have a dilemma. As a lot of you know I'm living abroad at the moment in Asia.

So I still haven't booked someone to talk during the wedding. (equivalent of a priest) Not for religious reasons, just a talk about love/marraige etc

Normally here there is very little/no religious element to the ceremony or the speech but the speaker usually has some religion, although rarely mentions it. (Evangelists of course are the exception)

So my problem is my mother will probably be very upset if I don't have a priest/christian speech.

Religious views

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Me: Not completely non-religious, nor even non-christian (depends on definition of course) but I can't stand conservative/evangelist Christian attitudes. I don't believe the Bible is true, some truth perhaps. Then again I'm quite fond of a lot of Islamic and Buddhist belifes and teachings so there you go.

Wife: Doesn't care. Would very (very) slightly lean towards been a Buddhist because of culture/history/father but in reality couldn't care less. Would be equally happy with a priest, a rabbi, a buddhist, a muslim, a magician etc

So I have three options.

Option 1 is an Irish priest (Catholic) over here and hes quite a good person, I couldn't really have many objections to getting him to do it and I'm pretty sure hes not going to menton anything I'd seriously disagree with anyways. Lets call him an Enlightened Christian in that he doesn't follow the evangelist docterine of fanatical belife and forcing belifes on others.

Option 2 is a Buddhist monk, Oxford educated local with a PHD in something or other. Head of a temple here and a very intelligent person. I'm not sure what school of Buddhism he follows. Has a really good attitude and again, pretty sure hes not going to start a rant about following the noble path or I'm gonna be reborn as a cat. Quite the opposite, knows we're not buddhist but we are just looking for some kind of philosophical talk.

Option 3 is my future sister in laws uncle who is the pastor of some kind of christian church here. Not evangelist, at least not nearly as bad as some I've met. Again, seems like a genuinely good person, but with a big religious chip on his shoulder. Open minded enough but still adheres to the 'follow Jesus or go to Hell' thing. Would most definately go into a bible rant of some description but I could probably live with it because he is also quite philosophical and a very decent good man.

So my mother wants a christian speech/ceremony. My mother-in-law wants Option 3 (her daughter in laws uncle) and shes really pushing us to take him. The mother-in-law and the people here in general don't understand why I wouldn't want the uncle-in-law because hes family and he wants to do it. Whih is partly why I don't want him to do it, I'm pretty sure I'd be expected to start attending his church If we do accept him, out of courtesy or something.

I don't want to make a choice I will regret now or in the future. I'm not non-christian (in my own definition anyways) but I really do not want to hear what I consider nonsense at my wedding.

Father doesn't care, Wife doesn't care.

So whats your opinions ?

Asiaprod

I had the same issue, married to a Japanese (Buddhist by birth, but non-practicing). I was an ex-Catholic at the time. I later became a Buddhist and my wife joined me a little later.

We have 3 approaches that are popular
1. White wedding, which includes a christian speech. There is no guarantee that the "celebrant" is actually a priest, may well be an english teacher earning extra money on the side. This is a show wedding and is not legal. In fact no wedding in this country is legal. The legal part is a form you have to fill out at your local domicile area office. It is in effect a legal contract to marry.

2. Shinto/Buddhist wedding. Again not legal, and very little in the way of any speech from the priest. Speeches here are given by the two Fathers and the husband and wife at the meal.

3. Just do the the local domicile area office signing on its own and have your own wedding party of your choice.

Of your options listed
Option 1, Irish priest...see no problem.
Option 2. Buddhist monk...general speech that is nondenominational.
Option 3 The Uncle...Many thing here could go wrong. It is traditional in Asia for a member of the family who has a social position to do the speech. It is practically a custom. In your case I would really worry about the 'follow Jesus or go to Hell' thing getting out of hand (see below).

Cannot tell you which to take, but if it was me, and it was once, go for a neutral ceremony (Buddhist here is very neutral and very acceptable in Asia) and have the uncle give a speech at the wedding meal (and demand that he tone it down as it is your and your wife's day and not his). People will be drinking and relaxing here so if he does get out of hand I am sure many will laugh it off. The mother is probably being pushed from a sense of social obligation into pushing for this. Family member respect is very big over here.

I have just come back from a wedding that was a total disaster. The bride's family were deep south (US) Christians (all fire and brimstone) and the father let everyone know in his speech how God frowned on this union and everyone was going to hell (this was his daughter!). To add further to the disaster, the translator refused to translate the latter part of the speech (she did not have to, everyone knew what was going down. The Groom's father was as Nationalistic/Shinto as you can get over here and has no time for any Christian ideas and was offended by the carry on of the groom's father. It was embarrassing, it will, for all the wrong reasons, be a day the happy couple will remember for ever. The guests could not wait to leave.

Hope this gives you food for thought. The important point to keep clear in mind is that this is about you and your wife to be. What do you both want. Then work together to effect that. Make sure she understands that the feelings of your mother are also very important. Keep the mother-in-law (socially) happy by including some time to include a speech by the uncle that talks about the role and responsibilities of marriage.

Good luck.

monosharp

Asiaprod wrote: »

I have just come back from a wedding that was a total disaster. The bride's family were deep south (US) Christians (all fire and brimstone) and the father let everyone know in his speech how God frowned on this union and everyone was going to hell (this was his daughter!). To add further to the disaster, the translator refused to translate the latter part of the speech (she did not have to, everyone knew what was going down. The Groom's father was as Nationalistic/Shinto as you can get over here and has no time for any Christian ideas and was offended by the carry on of the groom's father. It was embarrassing, it will, for all the wrong reasons, be a day the happy couple will remember for ever. The guests could not wait to leave.

Well thankfully I can't see anything near that bad happening to me. The sister-in-laws family are christian/evangalist but I don't think they are that bad.

Thats serious though.

Hope this gives you food for thought. The important point to keep clear in mind is that this is about you and your wife to be. What do you both want. Then work together to effect that. Make sure she understands that the feelings of your mother are also very important. Good luck.

Yes thanks man.

Honestly though my wife does not care at all. Anything is fine with her, mostly because shes not going to pay any attention to anything religious anyways