My Beliefs.

LegacyUser

Hey all.

Over the past few years I've become quite a staunch atheist, social liberalist and pro-choice, drug experimentation and all that jazz. Now I know what many will think, just another hippy kid, but I've spend a lot of time thinking over my beliefs and personal philosophy, so please don't start on that :P

My problem is my family, mainly my mother. She is quite the family, catholic and hard-working kind of lady, whereas I am none of these things. Whenever she says something I don't agree with I kind of grunt of laugh it off so as not to cause a problem, but I'm wondering if i should just come out with my views and be quite confrontational.

Thing is, I'm quite dependent on my mam, having to live at home and all (I'm 19 and just finished my first year of college). Since getting a job is virtually impossible, moving out is not an option, so I really don't want to create any awkwardness. I have two younger brothers who do look up to me, and I'm afraid that my views will influence them without them really thinking about things for themselves and this will create real problems at home (they're 17 and 13).

So any advice anyone can give on how to deal with the situation would be great

Firetrap

I think the best thing for you to do is to keep your mouth shut. It's all well and good to have the viewpoint you have (you're not unique in what you're thinking) but you also need to be tolerant of other people's views. Just because you've figured that your current set of beliefs is the right one does not mean that your mum's world view is any less valid. All you are going to do is to cause rows in your house and fight with your mother. You are not the only person in the world to have a different set of beliefs to their parents but most people just live and let live. As for your brothers, they surely have minds of their own too?

r3nu4l

Have to agree with the post above tbh. Your views and opinions are exactly that and nothing more, just like anybody else's. Also, believe me when I say that your views at the age of 35 will be far, far different from your views now at the youthful and innocent age of 19.

Our life experience colours everything we do, some of your beliefs will change radicaly, others will remain steadfast and yet more will become a grey area for you.

I think if I met my 19 year old self today I'd probably laugh, shake my head at his naivety and either walk away marvelling at the unshakable belief and arrogance of my 19 year old self or give myself a slap and tell me to cop on.

Oh The Humanity

You said it yourself, you are dependant on your Mam. So button your lip.

Do whatever you can to help her, she sounds as if she is supporting 3 kids there.

Dave!

Suck it up and wait til you're out of the house

Xterminator

Just to add, remember you live in her house!

That doesnt mean you cant hold your own opinions and beliefs, just that as she is the head of the household you at least respect her views and opinions, even if you dont agree with them.

tutting and/or snorting at what you disageee with, is in my opinion being disrespectful

i also wondered why you feel the need to confront her on these issues you disagree with?

Perhaps your insecure and need to validate yourself?

anyway, getting back to your PI , your mum is entitled to to her opinions. if she is ameniable, reasoned discussion about what you think might be appropiate, but disrespectful actions like laughing at her opinions simply are bang out of order.

LegacyUser

Marry me :-)

I was in a similar situation to you.
Now that I'm older and live away from home it's not so much of an issue - though it does make for interesting Christmas dinners!

You have every right to hold your views and to express them. The key is HOW you express them. Don't be disrespectful or rude.

My mother was quite conservative and homophobic. I've been working on her for a number of years and she's now actually quite open-minded. THis has been very beneficial as my brother came out last year and after a few tears she is now PFLAG's latest recruit.

The way to go about it when she mentions something you'd like to challenge her on is say in a non-condescending tone 'Mom, have you ever thought about this?'
Sit down with her over a coffee and have a chat with her about the way you see the world. Explain that while you respect that she has her opinions - you'd like the same respect from her.

Good luck.

Karmafaerie

Unregistered wrote: »

Now I know what many will think, just another hippy kid, but I've spend a lot of time thinking over my beliefs and personal philosophy, so please don't start on that :P

But that's the very definition of a hippy kid.
Someone who spends all their time thinking about what they believe.;)

iguana

Xterminator wrote: »

anyway, getting back to your PI , your mum is entitled to to her opinions. if she is ameniable, reasoned discussion about what you think might be appropiate, but disrespectful actions like laughing at her opinions simply are bang out of order.

+1.

there is nothing wrong with having a discussion with your mother and letting her know how you feel about things. Not in order to be confrontational, because why on earth would you want to "confront" her, she is as entitled to her personal views as you are. But in order to get to know her better and let her get to know you.

You are both adults, so being able to talk reasonably about things that are important to you could build your relationship on a new level, as adults who like and respect each other. Grunt laughing at things she says, however is childish and disrespectful. And disrespecting and laughing at the views of others certainly doesn't sound very social libertarian to me.

StormWarrior

Just keep quiet. You may change your views as you get older anyway. Don't be like my cousin, who confronts everyone in the family about their personal views on everything and has a go at anyone who doesn't agree with her views. Now no-one in the family can stand her and people always make excuses when she wants to come and visit.

Does it even matter if you and your mum have different views from each other? Just live and let live.

Slow Motion

I agree with the others OP, as my old man used to say, My House My Rules! While you are entitled to your beliefs you need to respect your mams as well, you're there at her sufferance, as for your brothers, you are concious of the effect you have on them so stay concious of it and let them discover their own beliefs!


Now get a haircut you bloody hippy (I remember hair:()

tbh

Unregistered wrote: »

Over the past few years I've become quite a staunch atheist, social liberalist and pro-choice, drug experimentation and all that jazz. Now I know what many will think, just another hippy kid, but I've spend a lot of time thinking over my beliefs and personal philosophy, so please don't start on that :P

Yoú are 19, and have always lıved at home

You're a staunch athıest now, maybe one day you´ll have a sıck chıld and prayıng wont be such a bad ıdea. Etc Etc. Everyone has theır reasons for holdıng the opınıons they have, you don´t get to pass judgement on how valıd those reasons are. The person you are now probably won´t be the person you wıll be ın 5-10-20 years

Gregor Samsa

Expressing your beliefs doesn't have to be confrontational. In fact, I think it's an excellent exercise to learn how to debate issues without causing offence to people who hold contrary beliefs. Nobody likes people who ram their beliefs down other people's throats, but you can earn a lot of respect for having your own mind and being able to speak it calmly, confidently and courteously.

You will need to know the limits, though. Personally, I'd steer clear of too much drug talk with your Mam, for instance. It'll only get her freaking out that you're "hopped up on goofballs", and a therefore a criminal lunatic who needs rehabilitation, not someone to be listened to.

As for your political or religious beliefs, there should be plenty of opportunity to express them in polite debate given what's going on the the country at the moment. Just remember to listen as much as you talk.

As for r3nu4l 's comment that your beliefs will be very different when you're 35 - that's indeed true. Now that I'm all settled down with a career and a family of my own, I'm an ever stauncher atheist and social-liberal than I was 16 years ago when I first stated debating the issues with my Mam at home

Beruthiel

r3nu4l wrote: »

I think if I met my 19 year old self today I'd probably laugh, shake my head at his naivety and either walk away marvelling at the unshakable belief and arrogance of my 19 year old self or give myself a slap and tell me to cop on.

Never a truer word was spoken.
At 19 I knew everything.
How wrong was I!

OP
Your mother has the right to have her own opinions.
You have the right to yours.
Neither of ye have the right to push those opinions on the other.

rantyface

My dad is a staunch catholic, homophobe, racist, fianna fail supporter. Drinks excessively but claims to be anti drugs (an absolutely retarded stance). He thinks the catholic church is being unfairly criticised by the Ryan report.

I'm atheist and I don't have any problem with homosexuals or foreigners. I don't have radical political views but our fianna fail TD has been VERY rude to me (he is a regular where I worked) and we argue a lot because my dad always votes for him and his equally rude family, who are also politicians. I also strongly disagree with beating and raping children, and covering it up. I think it is inexcusable, at any time in any place- my dad says I need to understand the context.


Having said that, we get along well personality-wise, and the debates just make me more convinced I'm right. I have finally got him to accept evolution, although he admits it was difficult for him.

Also, it's not entirely his fault. He is the product of a very backwards society, and he was never taught to think for himself and has difficulty discerning facts from dogma.

More developed countries have been gradually moving away from these mind-sets as people like that are dying and being put in homes, and are replaced by educated people. Ireland would still be the backwater where people got away with the sort of thing in the report if people like my dad were the norm. They once were, which is why nobody ever thought that maybe some priests were perverts, maybe single mothers should be allowed to keep their children, maybe men can love men, maybe jesus was not the son of god, maybe drinking this much is damaging etc.

rantyface

phutyle wrote: »

Expressing your beliefs doesn't have to be confrontational. In fact, I think it's an excellent exercise to learn how to debate issues without causing offence to people who hold contrary beliefs. Nobody likes people who ram their beliefs down other people's throats, but you can earn a lot of respect for having your own mind and being able to speak it calmly, confidently and courteously.

You will need to know the limits, though. Personally, I'd steer clear of too much drug talk with your Mam, for instance. It'll only get her freaking out that you're "hopped up on goofballs", and a therefore a criminal lunatic who needs rehabilitation, not someone to be listened to.

As for your political or religious beliefs, there should be plenty of opportunity to express them in polite debate given what's going on the the country at the moment. Just remember to listen as much as you talk.

As for r3nu4l 's comment that your beliefs will be very different when you're 35 - that's indeed true. Now that I'm all settled down with a career and a family of my own, I'm an ever stauncher atheist and social-liberal than I was 16 years ago when I first stated debating the issues with my Mam at home

+1