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LegacyUser

not sure what i'm looking for by posting, but....im not really sure what i'm doing with myself, or whether i have a problem....lately, i dont seem to notice the 'stop' point in drinking...i might open a bottle of wine intending to have one glass, and have three, on weekends, i end up pretty drunk and the next morning i have this cringe feeling like ****, i dont really know what i might have said/acted like lastnight. just lastnight, i dont know if i was being really flirty, or what, but i ended up on the couch wiht a guy i knew i didnt fancy, him feeling me up, and despite telling him to go away, he kept at it, and i didnt get up and leave....i dont think i know how to tell a guy to stop/not interested, cos the last five years ive been in a relationship, and always had that excuse, it's like now, i feel i dont have a good enough 'reason' to say no...its ridiculus! we split up about 4mths ago, he was first love/longterm and it's hit me hard, tho im getting back on track...it's just guys throw me now, i dont feel anything for them, where i used to fancy guys all the time when i wasnt single....weird thing is, im not even that bothered by lastnight, it was like hey, if he wants to cop a feel i dont care, just get it over with so i can sleep.....yet i drew the line at kissing, i just freak out at the idea of it. i dunno..has anyone else felt this way? i know ur gona say lay off the booze firstly, but that's not really the problem...its that i end up holding hands/flirting with guys yet feel no attraction, and end up in situations where teh guy rightly feels he should get more, and by then it's like too late or something to bother with the row of 'sorry but im not really interested'....should i be worried that i dont mind guys i dont feel much for/fancy getting their jolies if it makes them happy?

LegacyUser

Sounds like you're going through a really rough time op. Breaking up with our first love is very hard and it feels like you'll never feel that way again, not true, you will! You may feel that you're over the break up but your drinking and your numb reaction to guys all sound symptomatic of your break up. Im assuming you weren't like this before. Do please watch yourself getting into tricky situations when under the influence. I think you should confide in a good friend, one you can trust and doesn't just say what you want to hear. I wish you well.

LegacyUser

"i know ur gona say lay off the booze firstly, but that's not really the problem...its that i end up holding hands/flirting with guys yet feel no attraction, and end up in situations where teh guy rightly feels he should get more, and by then it's like too late or something to bother with the row of 'sorry but im not really interested'....should i be worried that i dont mind guys i dont feel much for/fancy getting their jolies if it makes them happy?"

Umm, I'm gonna be really honest here, so this might sound a bit harsh. (BTW, I'm a guy.)

Firstly: yes, lay off the alcohol. While it may not be the problem, it is enabling/exacerbating your problematic behavior. You seem to be using it to numb yourself so you don't have to deal with the emotions involved with what you've been through. I would suspect that you are also using the alcohol as a convenient scapegoat for behavior that you're not 100% proud of, which leads us to:

Secondly: In regards to the flirting thing, you are (consciously or unconsciously) attracting men to validate yourself. Deep down in your primitive monkey brain the logic is probably something like "if I can still attract men, then that means that I'm still attractive to the opposite sex, and therefore I am able to get another man like the one who dumped me 4 months ago, therefore the breakup should be less of a big deal". Doing it with men you do not find attractive removes the risk of getting emotionally involved, and therefore removes the risk of repeating the same emotional trauma you experienced from your breakup. You use them for emotional validation, and you let them use your body for a quick fondle...quid pro quo. The likely reason the kissing stuff is freaking you out is that it is hitting too close to the tender spot from the breakup and/or it is eliciting a strong enough response from you to break through the numbing fog of alcohol you've been using to hide yourself from accountability.

Now, for the not-so-nice-but-needs-to-be-said part:

You're being a c0ck-tease. It is a mark of an emotionally unstable woman and if you make this a habit, the only men in your life are going to be sleazeballs who are only going to view you as a piece of meat for their pleasure. My sister had a rough breakup with her first boyfriend and she eventually ended up going to a therapist. She's better now, but before she sought out professional help with her emotional issues, she was desperate for male attention/validation to the point that she would drop everything to go out, get blind drunk, and screw around with whoever'd have her, then come home and cry. Not healthy, and not conducive to becoming the type of person a decent man would want to have a relationship with. I'd advise you to seek out professional help in dealing with your emotional issues if this sort of behavior continues or gets worse. Good luck...if I'm right (and I hope I'm not) you're gonna need it.

Wibbs

Can't thank unregg posts but the above is a +1 from me.