Should or shouldn't I have?

LegacyUser

Hi all going unreg for this! I've been lurking here for a while thinking about posting this:

Of course, this post involves a girl, as seems to be the norm in here!

I've known the girl (we'll call her A to protect the innocent) in question for about 4 years now, and without going into all the details, I'm still lusting for her, (not quite sure if it's love, I mean I do love her, but there's a difference!), shes one of the most individual/unique people I know.

Little bit of history here, I was bullied in school over being fat etc, not looking for sympathy on that one, its a fact of my life and I've come to deal with it(ish), and as a result my weight has been up and down all my life, and I can be chronically shy. Anyway, when I met this girl, I was only out of a long term relationship (for me - 8 months, not that long I know), and I was in a "I hate women phase", and rather than go for women back then and get "revenge" I sucked it up and made a decision not to give any women grief over what my ex did to me. (Again, not looking for sympathy on that front either, crap happens).

Back then anyway I was hanging around with one girl (B), and the girl at the center of this post was her room mate. I met A one evening and thought what a cutie . And that was where my problems began, we started hanging around etc, and she turned out to be nicest/most genuine girl I've ever met.

At the start, she was telling me how cute I was etc etc, but as I was just out of the relationship, I didn't want to do the rebound thing, (especially not with a girl of this calibre ) so I just let it slide. We basically became inseparable, and this led to the inevitable "You're with her aren't ya" on my end, and "Somethings going on isn't it" from her friends on her end. Nothing was, but it didn't stop the gossipers . We were talking about the gossips one day, and it was kind of awkward for me cause I liked her, plus I didn't like telling people No, when I wished I could say Yes. Anyway I never told her how I felt.

Progress a year or so and we're still inseparable, cooking each other dinner the whole time, random funny texts and phone calls all the time, just to put a smile on each others face, well on my end anyway, but I got the texts too. She told me everything about her, and I told her everything about me, and she knows I'm not comfortable being too open about myself or stuff thats happened to me, but her it was never a problem, even now, she knows me better than anyone. She knew about the **** that went on with my ex etc etc. We were out one night in a club, and she was pointing out women that were checking me out, but being me, I just stayed with her and did nothing about it. A couple of weeks later I was at a party in her place, and we ended up in bed. (Nothing happening, but she said something like 'This'll be the first time we sleep together' as she snuggled into me) but two of my mates were in the room, locked, and needless to say I was out of the bed in no time, cause they were messers.

After another party I was crashed out on the floor, and she woke me up as she was leavin for work, by accident, and I (sleepy voiced, possibility of drooling at the time too ) told her how gorgeous she was. And promptly fell back asleep. I stuck around for the day and made her dinner in the evening, and she told me I had said this to her (shock horror for me cause I had no recollection of it, but a mate who was in the room at the time, said I'd woken him up saying it to her), I made light of it, because I'm so shy, and left fairly quickly after that.

Then next halloween, she suggested we go and watch the fireworks from the roof of a building. Sure I said. I got to her place and there was a party on, and she left that to go to the roof. Nothing happened but it would have been a perfect opportunity, and I knew it, but shyness hit again and I did nothing. Anyway back to the party etc etc.

A few months after this something really bad happened to someone she knew, I won't go into details because its to personal, and I went over to her to have a chat about it, she ended up crying her eyes out on my shoulder. To cheer her up, mid bout of crying I whipped out a present I'd gotten her for her birthday, which was a couple of weeks after, and when I gave it to her, I definitely got one of those, "You can have me if ye want me" looks, and tears and all, I would have loved to, but I didn't because it definitely wasn't the right time, with what had just happened. And I stand by that decision lol.

She started working again, long hours etc, I've been working super hard on my studies, we kinda fell out of contact a bit, no-ones fault, it just happened. But it wasn't an awkward out of contact, I know shes there if I need her etc. And she knows the same. Still the random funny text etc, but slightly more random at this stage.

Anyway this year, a while after we fell out of contact, she got herself a fella, no biggie on my front, while I like her, I ain't gonna hold it against her or him. It sounds like he's treating her really well. But I'm still left here thinking "You're an idiot for not going for it before". This girl really is one of a kind, gorgeous inside and out.

What do you, the good people of P.I. think?

Thanks!!

P.S. This actually turned out to be an epic of a post, so double thanks to anyone who actually read the whole thing.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi all going unreg for this! I've been lurking here for a while thinking about posting this:

Of course, this post involves a girl, as seems to be the norm in here!

I've known the girl (we'll call her A to protect the innocent) in question for about 4 years now, and without going into all the details, I'm still lusting for her, (not quite sure if it's love, I mean I do love her, but there's a difference!), shes one of the most individual/unique people I know.

Little bit of history here, I was bullied in school over being fat etc, not looking for sympathy on that one, its a fact of my life and I've come to deal with it(ish), and as a result my weight has been up and down all my life, and I can be chronically shy. Anyway, when I met this girl, I was only out of a long term relationship (for me - 8 months, not that long I know), and I was in a "I hate women phase", and rather than go for women back then and get "revenge" I sucked it up and made a decision not to give any women grief over what my ex did to me. (Again, not looking for sympathy on that front either, crap happens).

Back then anyway I was hanging around with one girl (B), and the girl at the center of this post was her room mate. I met A one evening and thought what a cutie . And that was where my problems began, we started hanging around etc, and she turned out to be nicest/most genuine girl I've ever met.

At the start, she was telling me how cute I was etc etc, but as I was just out of the relationship, I didn't want to do the rebound thing, (especially not with a girl of this calibre ) so I just let it slide. We basically became inseparable, and this led to the inevitable "You're with her aren't ya" on my end, and "Somethings going on isn't it" from her friends on her end. Nothing was, but it didn't stop the gossipers . We were talking about the gossips one day, and it was kind of awkward for me cause I liked her, plus I didn't like telling people No, when I wished I could say Yes. Anyway I never told her how I felt.

Progress a year or so and we're still inseparable, cooking each other dinner the whole time, random funny texts and phone calls all the time, just to put a smile on each others face, well on my end anyway, but I got the texts too. She told me everything about her, and I told her everything about me, and she knows I'm not comfortable being too open about myself or stuff thats happened to me, but her it was never a problem, even now, she knows me better than anyone. She knew about the **** that went on with my ex etc etc. We were out one night in a club, and she was pointing out women that were checking me out, but being me, I just stayed with her and did nothing about it. A couple of weeks later I was at a party in her place, and we ended up in bed. (Nothing happening, but she said something like 'This'll be the first time we sleep together' as she snuggled into me) but two of my mates were in the room, locked, and needless to say I was out of the bed in no time, cause they were messers.

After another party I was crashed out on the floor, and she woke me up as she was leavin for work, by accident, and I (sleepy voiced, possibility of drooling at the time too ) told her how gorgeous she was. And promptly fell back asleep. I stuck around for the day and made her dinner in the evening, and she told me I had said this to her (shock horror for me cause I had no recollection of it, but a mate who was in the room at the time, said I'd woken him up saying it to her), I made light of it, because I'm so shy, and left fairly quickly after that.

Then next halloween, she suggested we go and watch the fireworks from the roof of a building. Sure I said. I got to her place and there was a party on, and she left that to go to the roof. Nothing happened but it would have been a perfect opportunity, and I knew it, but shyness hit again and I did nothing. Anyway back to the party etc etc.

A few months after this something really bad happened to someone she knew, I won't go into details because its to personal, and I went over to her to have a chat about it, she ended up crying her eyes out on my shoulder. To cheer her up, mid bout of crying I whipped out a present I'd gotten her for her birthday, which was a couple of weeks after, and when I gave it to her, I definitely got one of those, "You can have me if ye want me" looks, and tears and all, I would have loved to, but I didn't because it definitely wasn't the right time, with what had just happened. And I stand by that decision lol.

She started working again, long hours etc, I've been working super hard on my studies, we kinda fell out of contact a bit, no-ones fault, it just happened. But it wasn't an awkward out of contact, I know shes there if I need her etc. And she knows the same. Still the random funny text etc, but slightly more random at this stage.

Anyway this year, a while after we fell out of contact, she got herself a fella, no biggie on my front, while I like her, I ain't gonna hold it against her or him. It sounds like he's treating her really well. But I'm still left here thinking "You're an idiot for not going for it before". This girl really is one of a kind, gorgeous inside and out.

What do you, the good people of P.I. think?

Thanks!!

P.S. This actually turned out to be an epic of a post, so double thanks to anyone who actually read the whole thing.

Wow, I was hoping this had a happy ending but getting to the end, well sorry mate. I feel for you, theres nothing worse than missing out on a genuine opportunity with a nice girl. Now what do you do?, thats a tough one and I mean its tough on you as you have explained now that she is with a good guy and she is probbaly happy...****. The shyness thing seems to have been your worst enemy. Maybe if you see her again, just tell her that you hope shes truly happy and if things dont work out with her current guy, then look you up as you regret letting her slip away. Thats the best you can hope for I think

Faith

I really see nothing to indicate she ever saw you as more than a good friend. Sorry, but you've been in the friend-zone for a hell of a long time, and had you made a move, I'm not sure she'd have reciprocated. My advice is just to move on, get yourself a girlfriend and stop thinking about A.

fuzzywiggle

Wow, talk about missing an genuine opportunity. You missed every single one of them. Why on earth did you do it?! Or not do it i should say. I dont understand why you're posting here, you had numerous upon numerous attempts to be with this girl and you choked every time. Whether you're shy or not..surely you could have overcome even once it to make a move on this perfect girl!? All sounds a bit silly.

Also, are you sure you liked her that much? Because if you really really did you would have 1. made a move and 2. not lost contact.

zxcvbnm1

Ya - i'm still uinsure as to why exactly you mever made a move?

Are you saying it was pretty much completely down to shyness?

If so you've gotta get over that.
Easier said than done i know.

But still - if you weren't gonna go for it in thsi situation then exactly what situation would you go for it?

My advice is - if she breaks up with thsi guy then just ask her out.

Do it by email or text or whatever you are comfortable with.
Just do it.