Lost and so alone

hopeless12

i don't really know what has brought me here apart from sheer desperation for the thoughts and feelings i am having will cause so much pain as i know this from experience as a survivor of suicide . I have never felt so alone forcing my inner most thoughts inside myself for so long now they have erupted and are so out of control I am scared to death of what I am capable of once them boxes open thats it out of control we can not see beyond the pain live in the here and now it's all gone all the pretence.. we can only take so much in our little minds and mine is so full of confusion hurt and pain and most of all guilt for what i will leave behind if i truly follow my heart at the moment I am so scared i feel anything is better than this constant pain and flashbacks i need to be at peace... as selfish as this may seem enuf is enuf .... i have a strong family but am living with a terminaly ill sibling at the moment and I carry the shame of how i feel as i can not talk to anyone I have carred this long enuf and can't go on i feel people will benefit from my departure although it will take them along time to realise this as I just seem to aim my anger at the ones i love ......I am so confused this life is very tiring i am sorry if i am babbling i am so lost and confused and am sure am seeking help else why am i here

TJJP

No one could possibly benefit from your departure. Try and take your time, nothing could be as bad as it might seem even though I know nothing of your situation.

Seems tough though, so look for proper help, you likely won't find what you need here with all that to deal with. Others have been where you are now though and are around to tell the tale and more importantly they might be able to help you out. You are looking for help so that's really good. It might not take as much as you might think.

p.pete

Hi hopeless12, the response available seeking help from this forum is to seek professional help if you haven't done so already, hopefully this link helps direct you:
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=317356
if you're just looking to bounce things in your head off people? you'll get a faster response from the personal issues forum:
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=127
I'm not looking to trivialise your situation, this forum part of boards.ie specifically cannot be used to offer diagnosis (however useful that might be, but impossible), so I hope you find someone that can provide you some level of comfort with what you are going through. Take a short look at some of the links above and hopefully you can be directed toward someone that can provide some comfort to you.

staker

hey hopeless, don't be feeling like that.
they're just bad thoughts,there's loads of love in the world.
you just gotta see it and show it.:)