Girlfriend wants a threesome for my birthday

LegacyUser

Going unreg for this...

My birthday is in November and at the wend my OH asked me would I like to be taken to a hotel room, tied up and blinfolded. Then another girl would come in and they would both have their wicked way with me. Then she take offmy blindfold and I would have to watch them having some fun....will of course I said "YES" but I honestly think she is serious.

Yeah great in one sense but this is the girl I plan on marrying. Is this marriage material or am I just being silly and just see it as some harmless fun.

Anyone been in a similar position?

ps I should add that my OH was been with women in the past (before me), loved it and wants to do it again. Its her No. 1 fantasy on par with 3-4 guys banging her.

pps I have never been in a 3some before.

Nevyn

IF you love her and your sexualities and fantasys are compatible surely that should be a big postivie factor to her being someone you want to marry and spent the rest of your life with?

LegacyUser

Wouldn't be for me but all folk are different...if it's something you're not comfortable with then dont do it...like wise if you could not put up with gf being with another woman or in a gang bang (or be worried that she might do it..) then it might be best to look elsewhere....my two cents :-)

TheInquisitor

Get off boards now and get to that hotel room!

Nevyn

Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

Nevyn

I think the op is completely right to be thinking of the emotional and mental possible fall out of this to his relationship.

LegacyUser

Firstly i think as long as you are comfortable and keep each other in mind it's ok if your not comfortable then don't do these things

on your question is iot marriage material ,thats your call .imo she is honest and yee seem to talk to each other about this sort of stuff with nothing to hide from each other witch is always a big plus... if its something you are been forced in too and don't want to do say it to her that you need more time
me and my girlfriend have talked about these things and to be honest they would be up there with our 2 biggest fantasy's but i don't think we will ever carry them out now as both of us are to jealous these days ....
on the secound is it dp she wants or in turns sorry for the crudness but if it dp maybe you could use some sex toys and see what's like for both ....
as for not having a 3some before ?has she and if so how does that affect you ?if you find it hard to deal with these fantasy's may be best left as fantasy's

Wurly

Thaedydal wrote: »

I think the op is completely right to be thinking of the emotional and mental possible fall out of this to his relationship.

+1

Once it's done, you can't take it back!

puglover

I think the fact that you are posting here says you are not entirely comfortable with the idea.

Alot of us like to fantisise about something but when faced with the propect of actually acting it out it doesn't seem quite as appealing.

One thing I will say is there is always going to be a danger if you let other people into your relationship so be sure that you are completely ok with your decision

prinz

Unregistered wrote: »

G
My birthday is in November and at the wend my OH asked me would I like to be taken to a hotel room, tied up and blinfolded. Then another girl would come in and they would both have their wicked way with me. Then she take offmy blindfold and I would have to watch them having some fun....will of course I said "YES" but I honestly think she is serious.
Yeah great in one sense but this is the girl I plan on marrying. Is this marriage material or am I just being silly and just see it as some harmless fun.

Involving people from outside the relationship can often cause problems within it, especially when you don't seem to be sure and convinced of the merits of this little exercise. If you have any doubts now, multiply them five-, ten-, twentyfold during or after. Is it really worth your relationship and future with her for a bit of fun?

tbh if it were me she'd be out on her ear. Thanks but no thanks.

Unregistered wrote: »

Its her No. 1 fantasy on par with 3-4 guys banging her.

Are you marriage material, talking like that about the girl you love, cherish and respect? Real classy.

shellyboo

First impression, honestly, was "that's a bit selfish". If it's your birthday, surely she should be asking you what fantasy you want fulfilled? As opposed to her getting her girl-on-girl jollies while you watch?

Aside from that, I think if you have *any* reservations, it's best to not do it. I'm all for experimentation and exploration, but I think a very small minority of couples are able to engage in group sex together without there being problems later. That's not to say that it's always the end of the relationship - but it's something I would be very careful with.

You never know how you're going to feel until you've done it - and at that stage it will be too late to undo it. Sit down and think about ALL the ramifications - how would you feel if your gf looks like she's enjoying it more than sex with you? How will you feel about your gf getting to touch the woman when you can't? What if it escalates into a full threesome? Would your gf be ok with that? Would you be ok with that? Think every single possibility through.

I wouldn't worry about the whole "marriage material" thing - surely someone who's open about sex is the kind of person you'd want to be with?

My opinion though - don't do it. Not because it's bad or wrong - but because it's not worth even possibly jeopardising your relationship for.

kowloon

Unregistered wrote: »

tied up and blinfolded.

I for one would worry that under those conditions things could go very badly.
Why was this stipulated? It could be a trick of some sort. :eek:

SarahSassy

Given that she has had same sex relationships before, are you sure this is for your benefit alone?

shellyboo

kowloon wrote: »

I for one would worry that under those conditions things could go very badly.
Why was this stipulated? It could be a trick of some sort. :eek:

Em, a trick of what sort?

There are dangers to tying people up, yes, and you have to be super careful etc... but what sort of trick?

Liam Byrne

Unregistered wrote: »

Its her No. 1 fantasy on par with 3-4 guys banging her.

And THERE'S where a problem might lie......this is YOUR birthday, so it's YOUR treat.

But would you be able to return the favour and allow the above "treat" for her on her birthday ?

If you say yes to this, will she be able to say "well, we did the other one".

shellyboo

Liam Byrne wrote: »

And THERE'S where a problem might lie......this is YOUR birthday, so it's YOUR treat.

But would you be able to return the favour and allow the above "treat" for her on her birthday ?

If you say yes to this, will she be able to say "well, we did the other one".

Hmm, yeah. "I did your fantasy, now you do mine."

Good point, Liam.

kowloon

shellyboo wrote: »

Em, a trick of what sort?

There are dangers to tying people up, yes, and you have to be super careful etc... but what sort of trick?

I don't know, maybe the other girl will turn out to be the host of telly bingo.
Or maybe it's just wierd not to even see a stranger before they mince your tackle.

shellyboo

kowloon wrote: »

I don't know, maybe the other girl will turn out to be the host of telly bingo.
Or maybe it's just wierd not to even see a stranger before they mince your tackle.

The other girl's not touching the OP, he's just watching... think the tying-up is to ensure he DOESN'T touch her, tbh.

Also, he obviously trusts the girl if he's planning on marrying her. I don't think her tricking him is really an issue.

prinz

shellyboo wrote: »

Em, a trick of what sort?

There are dangers to tying people up, yes, and you have to be super careful etc... but what sort of trick?

Come on shelly, wouldn't be the first time for someone to be left tied and stripped..

Oh The Humanity

Hm, tell her yeh no problem but suggest that you pick the girl....see how she reacts to that!

I kind of suspect she is probably more into girls than she lets on and you could end up the spare one, thats the only thing......however lets face it how bad can it be.....

I think you are going to have to have a hand in organising it though, dont just leave it all to her.

Its a teensy bit suspect, I'd be lookin for a catch...

shellyboo

prinz wrote: »

Come on shelly, wouldn't be the first time for someone to be left tied and stripped..

Perhaps on a stag night... but for his birthday? In a hotel room?

We've no reason to doubt the gf's intentions here. Let's not go crazy thinking she's going to accost him with a shemale and selection of homemade torture implements against his will.

kowloon

I missed out on that, I thought it was a threesome, not just sex with an audience.

prinz

Unregistered wrote: »

Then another girl would come in and they would both have their wicked way with me. .

shellyboo wrote: »

The other girl's not touching the OP, he's just watching... think the tying-up is to ensure he DOESN'T touch her, tbh.

See above.

shellyboo wrote: »

Also, he obviously trusts the girl if he's planning on marrying her. I don't think her tricking him is really an issue.

And plenty of wives have trusted their husbands only to find out they've been having an affair and vice versa etc. tbh the thought of them marrying in a Church and continuing this lifestyle makes me nauseous, but that's just me.

Danbo!

Unregistered wrote: »

Its her No. 1 fantasy on par with 3-4 guys banging her.

So what happens when her birthday comes around and she wants you and a few blokes 'banging' her. You gonna be cool with that?

kowloon wrote: »

I for one would worry that under those conditions things could go very badly.
Why was this stipulated? It could be a trick of some sort. :eek:

I wouldnt worry about that so much, considering its not until November, if she had some sort of revenge planned she'd do it sooner.

kowloon

Suppose waiting until November stretches it a bit, unless she's an evil plotting genius type.

Oh The Humanity

prinz wrote: »

tbh the thought of them marrying in a Church and continuing this lifestyle makes me nauseous, but that's just me.

He never said church though.

Anyway, the church have nothing to be proud of these days.

prinz

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

He never said church though.

Come now, that's usually what people mean, and I was merely giving an opinion.

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

Anyway, the church have nothing to be proud of these days.

Completely off topic and of no relevance whatsoever.

RossFixxxed

OP are you comparatively inexperienced? Just curious as you seem to be anxious and a bit out of your depth?

It is YOUR birthday and you shouldn't do anyting you don't want to do. Why do you take 'by 3 or 4 guys' as a normal fantasy btw? What else is she suggesting? Is this an opener to a lot more wacky adventures. Are you comfortable with them?

LegacyUser

Hi guys OP here..thanks for replies.

Just a few points:

1. We are both atheists so the Church wedding post is of no relevance and unhelpful.

2. Yeah no doubt she is into women. She dosent hide that fact with me and never has. So the fantsasy is win-win for her. TBH she thinks about it more than I do.

3. I guess a part of me thinks "Oh all that type of experimentation should be out of your system before you settle down with the nice girl next door"..but then again there is nothing wrong what having fun together...marriage would be very boring otherise?

4. Sorry someone got offended by the word "banging" a bit crude admittedly but she has now problem with it and plus its not like anyone here knows here..

5. I guess the whole..."Well its my turn now for my fantasy so you must comply" has crossed my mind...a sort of blackmail..but she said that would not be the way.

6. I am not worried about some sort of catch...i.e. being filmed or otherwise abused..I trust her completely.

SarahSassy

RossFixxxed wrote: »

Why do you take 'by 3 or 4 guys' as a normal fantasy btw?

Would think that would be a fairly typical female fantasy tbh..

Nevyn

Prinz please stop with your personal assuptions about the trust level in the relationship and if they are christian and what type marriage/wedding they are going to have.

If a couple are into playing out fantasy s then that cool and it's good they consider all the questions and all the angles but if a person respects their partner they will not push, pressure or force them to do somthing they do not want to do and that includes not trying to force a quid pro quo.

Op I would say that a person keeps growing and changing for all of their life and that includes thier sexuality and if you can both grow as a couple and explore all aspects of life and yourselves together
then surely that is the ideal way in a marriage.

Trust, respect, communication and compromise are what makes any relationship work esp one which you are hoping will last for several decades as you build a life and home together.

dblennon

In my opinion it certainly isn't the easiest decision in the world,

If it was me, I would have to seperate the fantasy from real life, you would really need to know what your feeling would be after the fact.

I think you will be fine though as you seem to be completely sexually open with her anyway so If you said "not for me" I doubt she will be to put out.

ronkmonster

if it's your birthday treat, you should be involved in (or solely) picking who the third person is.

would you rather her picking someone she fancies and you have no attraction to. some treat

RossFixxxed

SarahSassy wrote: »

Would think that would be a fairly typical female fantasy tbh..

Just to clarify, I'm NO expert on what women are into, god knows my OH is laughing as she reads this! BUT from my experience it either wasn't brought up or expressed by the girls. They may ALL be thinking it now and disagreeing with me.

What I was trying to get at was what the baseline and upper limits are for HIM in the relationship and how they mesh with his adventurous gf's!

BobTheBeat

If its what you both want it, and as long as there are no strings attached then (e.g. uncomfortable requests in the future), then go for it. Youre both consenting adults and presumably the third party will be the same.

But you'll have to ask yourself, is your relationship strong enough to venture into this territory? Will it be something that she may ask to do again and will it be a regular occurrence?
Here's an excercise; write down absolutely everything you think could go wrong with this. I mean, put your paranoid hat on. Note all the things that could arise from this that would upset you and your girlfriend. Both in the immediate and long term future.

If the experience goes off well and you really enjoy it, then lucky you. But dont doubt for a second that you wont have a few minor regrets. Like watching your GF tongue the face off another girl for 2-3 minutes. You could be sitting there going 'Ok, maybe thats enough now.' Or if you meet the other person while you are with your OH, will you be watching how they interact with each other, trying to pick up on every little nuance, to see if something is going on.
These are some of the realities of allowing another person to share in your intimate relationship. Its one of the most base feelings and experiences we as humans enjoy. And we are really only wired to enjoy it with one person at a time.

kowloon

Never understood myself how, in terms of jealousy, that your girlfriend being with another woman is fundamentally different to being with another man.
Sure it's more pleasing to the eye, but it's still someone else.

ronkmonster

kowloon wrote: »

Never understood myself how, in terms of jealousy, that your girlfriend being with another woman is fundamentally different to being with another man.
Sure it's more pleasing to the eye, but it's still someone else.

And she fancies women too. not just drunken kisses with female friends.

shellyboo

prinz wrote: »

And plenty of wives have trusted their husbands only to find out they've been having an affair and vice versa etc.

What, so... the OP should stop letting her go to work, or to the pub alone? Cos that's where people have affairs. You're just speculating wildly that she has some alterior motive.

prinz wrote: »

tbh the thought of them marrying in a Church and continuing this lifestyle makes me nauseous, but that's just me.

This has got what to do with anything? Oh, wait...

prinz wrote: »

I was merely giving an opinion.

One that's...

prinz wrote: »

Completely off topic and of no relevance whatsoever.

We're not here to question the whole foundations of the guy's relationship! Having a sexual fantasy and wanting to fulfil it doesn't mean they have problems.

Otis Driftwood

Hi OP,as a few others have pointed out,its really down to yourself at the end of the day.

Fantasies are all well and good but they are just that,a fantasy.

Are you secure enough with the reality of her having sex with someone else?

Personally speaking I wouldnt be comfortable with my OH having sex with another person,male or female,but thats just me.

Maybe you are completly the opposite.

Anyway,November is a bit away yet so I would say have a good think about it and then make your decision.

Best of luck with it.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

Oh The Humanity

Unregistered wrote: »

I am not worried about some sort of catch...i.e. being filmed or otherwise abused..I trust her completely.

Then I'd say Happy Days. As long as you are both clear going into it!!!

partyguinness

There is a danger that ye might over analyse it and it might take from the mystic and it might be a damp squid...has your OH mentioned who the other girl might be? has she a friend in mind?

the_syco

I've just read the OP's 1st post, but here's my views on it:

As shes been with other women before, this could be seen as having her cake, and eating it: not only does she get to have fun with another woman, but claim that it's "for you". Now, if you're kosher with this, check if she knows this woman thatshe's planning on having fun with she'll be bringing to the hotel room to pleasure you with?

prinz

Thaedydal wrote: »

Prinz please stop with your personal assuptions about the trust level in the relationship and if they are christian and what type marriage/wedding they are going to have.

Well assumptions are all any of us have to go on re the relationship, and IIRC I was not the first person to mention the trust factor. The marriage thing was an off the cuff remark as marriage was alluded to in the OP, I mentioned nothing about Christianity btw and the poster has helpfully cleared that up, fair play to him I appreciated the straightforward reply.

tbh everyone comes at these issues from some angle, that's human nature. Conservatism is the big bad C word on this forum. If you read my first post I was more than open to him doing what he feels comfortable with and was in no way preaching/condemning/squinting-windows about this.

shellyboo wrote: »

What, so... the OP should stop letting her go to work, or to the pub alone? Cos that's where people have affairs. You're just speculating wildly that she has some alterior motive.

Way to go shellyboo, our agreeing on things it couldn't last I was just pointing out that him trusting her does not guarantee a rosy outcome.
A speculation that's quite possible, and often true in these situations. Everyone is speculating something... so why pull me up on it

shellyboo wrote: »

We're not here to question the whole foundations of the guy's relationship! Having a sexual fantasy and wanting to fulfil it doesn't mean they have problems.

Like I said in my first post, if he's 100% with it, go ahead. His very act of posting his makes me think he isn't, so trying to make him think about his relationship, how he sees it, and where he wants it to go is pretty relevant no? IMO that was the point of his very post, he himself is questioning this planned act in light of his relationship, so to ignore it would be folly.

donegalfella wrote: »

Yes, how dare the OP's girlfriend fantasize about having sex with other women or with multiple men. She should only ever imagine dutifully doing it with her husband, in the missionary position, without contraception, with the lights off, and with only God looking on. Oh, and no fantasizing, because that's lust.

If you're going to try and be sarcastic at least try to be accurate from now on please, when you're off the mark then the humour tends to be lost, none of this relates to what I said.

Nevyn

prinz if you have an issue with a post report it do not snipe on thread it is not helpful to the op.

tolteq

Unregistered wrote: »

Going unreg for this...

My birthday is in November and at the wend my OH asked me would I like to be taken to a hotel room, tied up and blinfolded. Then another girl would come in and they would both have their wicked way with me. Then she take offmy blindfold and I would have to watch them having some fun....will of course I said "YES" but I honestly think she is serious.

Yeah great in one sense but this is the girl I plan on marrying. Is this marriage material or am I just being silly and just see it as some harmless fun.

Anyone been in a similar position?

ps I should add that my OH was been with women in the past (before me), loved it and wants to do it again. Its her No. 1 fantasy on par with 3-4 guys banging her.

pps I have never been in a 3some before.

fffffffffff. no i dont think she is good material at all. she sounds too wild for you.

Mimikyu

This post has been deleted.

ronkmonster

you should suggest someone yourself as the other woman to see if she is still up for it as much

wasper

The question here is exclusivity. Are you wiling to share here with men or women?
If you are not, then she is not meant for you to marry.

Toots

Being totally honest here OP, it sounds like your GF wants to have sex with a woman and is using this as a way to be able to do it without 'cheating'.

You've already said that she is into women, and fantasizes about being with women a lot. I think it seems that they'll be sorta doing their bit for you by 'having their wicked way with you' but then they get to have sex with each other while you watch. That's not a threesome, it's just them having sex while you're watching. I'd be pretty apprehensive about this, and from your post, i doesn't sound like you're entirely happy with the idea either.

Would you prefer to be able to interact with your OH and the other girl? I think that seeing as it's your birthday treat, you should have a bit of input on what happens. If I were you, I'd suggest that it be you who picks the other girl, and that you're allowed to participate. If she gives a flat out no to this, then it looks like this might be more of a treat for her than for you.

BTW, had you ever expressed an interest in trying anything like this before?

zxcvbnm1

OP - out of curiosity - where are you gonna find this other girl?

Does your girlfriend have someone specific in mind who she knows would be up for it?
Or are yee planning on hiring a prostitute or something?