Trusting people?

BaubleFreak

How the hell do you do it?

A few things have happened in my life, since childhood where I've trusted family etc. and they've let me down in one way or another. I've never in my life had a 'proper' best friend. (I'm in my late twenties).
A few years ago I learned to trust a few someone and became friends but over time they stopped contact which I understood because they had problems to sort out etc. and I was moving on in my studies and they weren't in a position to do that and I think it upset them. Although I understood it I still felt like I'd wasted my time letting someone in, it was incredibly hard to trust them in the first place.

Recently it's happened again, but worse. I've been friends with someone for a couple of years and I don't know why but they've cut off contact completely. I know there could be many reasons why including that they just can't find room for a friendship in their life at the moment, but what got to me is the way it was done - no explanation just ignoring me. I've given up on getting a response at this stage but the problem is that this is the first person I've been able to trust in ages and now I'm just thinking 'what's the point?'. Everytime I feel like my trust has been wasted it gets harder to trust again. And I completely trusted this last person. What's happened has left me gutted.

I'm not blaming anyone for this, I'm just saying I don't want to spend my life miserable and lonely but I don't know how to trust again. I don't know if I have the strength to cope if it went wrong again. I'd just like to know how other people cope with this.


Sorry if this is a bit sketchy but the whole explanation would require me typing out my life story. I'm just trying to sort my thoughts out on this.
And for the record, I'm not a complete loner, I have casual friends through college etc.

Latchy

Unfortunetly we will all meet many untrustworty people in life before we meet the few relibale ones we can trust .It might take many years before you find or bump into them to . Lets just say some people are more trustworty than others and obiously you would only let very close, reliable ,friends in on your personall stuff .You only get that through expierence , just as you are finding out in your own frustraiting way OP .

But dont despair .If we didn't trust anybody then we would be complete loners which is not a nice option for anybody really .We have to let people in

limklad

I have been through the same with my immediate Family and had problematic friends throughout my teens, I have Lots of depressions over the years caused by them, even though many people did not notice. It is not always easy, but if you keep up that mindset in not trusting people, you will end up attracting the wrong type of people around you, in a never ending circle of hurt and pain, blaming others ec. Not everybody is perfect or always trustworthy 100% of the time but the Good news is that most people are trustworthy to a large degree, but also Friends do come and go in our lives and that natural even with best friends.

You will probably need to talk to a counsellor, Talk to your doctor for a recommendation. It will help to talk to someone without judgement or criticism, but you have to be open to talk about your feelings by seeing what is the trigger so you can be confidently aware of it.
You need to learn to be comfortable with yourself when around others first. Once that happen, things will fall into place for you.

Your biggest enemy and your best Friend is yourself. There is no easy way of saying this, You need need to let go of the Hurt and pain that others have cause you before you can live that better and wonderful life for yourself, and believe me, there is a better life for you in all of the everyday chaos that surrounds us, so go on and choose the better life by acknowledging what triggers that past pain and hurt. Learn from it in how you are letting yourself getting hurt and see where people are hurting you by building a good comfortable firewall by seeing past their hurtful words, their motives and selfishness and jealously by rejecting to their trueselfs, but instead they let their cowardiness within them to choose to hurt rather that lead that better life for themselves.

You cannot force others to act wisely but you CAN choose by acting yourself. Call that counsellor and take baby steps to that better life.

All the Best,
Limklad

Amy33

The only person I trust is my brother, everyone else has let me down. I feel I'm lucky that I have one person in the world to trust, there's a lot of people out there who have nobody.

BaubleFreak

Thanx for all your comments. I'm still feeling fairly crappy and rejected and maybe once I get past that I'll be more hopeful about being able to trust people in future though. Right now I just can't see it happening.

LegacyUser

hello there

I feel for you but please don't give up. I feel similar to you and I read this book recently. It really helped. I've read other books in the past that were of no use but this one was a revelation to me.

Have a look at it on amazon and read the reviews, see what you think. If you don't want to buy a copy see if you local library has it, but please give it a go, I hope you find it as helpful as I did.

Overcoming Loneliness and Making Friends by Marianna Csoti

best wishes

suspectpackage

BaubleFreak wrote: »

How the hell do you do it?

A few things have happened in my life, since childhood where I've trusted family etc. and they've let me down in one way or another. I've never in my life had a 'proper' best friend. (I'm in my late twenties).
A few years ago I learned to trust a few someone and became friends but over time they stopped contact which I understood because they had problems to sort out etc. and I was moving on in my studies and they weren't in a position to do that and I think it upset them. Although I understood it I still felt like I'd wasted my time letting someone in, it was incredibly hard to trust them in the first place.

Recently it's happened again, but worse. I've been friends with someone for a couple of years and I don't know why but they've cut off contact completely. I know there could be many reasons why including that they just can't find room for a friendship in their life at the moment, but what got to me is the way it was done - no explanation just ignoring me. I've given up on getting a response at this stage but the problem is that this is the first person I've been able to trust in ages and now I'm just thinking 'what's the point?'. Everytime I feel like my trust has been wasted it gets harder to trust again. And I completely trusted this last person. What's happened has left me gutted.

I'm not blaming anyone for this, I'm just saying I don't want to spend my life miserable and lonely but I don't know how to trust again. I don't know if I have the strength to cope if it went wrong again. I'd just like to know how other people cope with this.


Sorry if this is a bit sketchy but the whole explanation would require me typing out my life story. I'm just trying to sort my thoughts out on this.
And for the record, I'm not a complete loner, I have casual friends through college etc.

I am in my mid 20s. I have only ever had one friend that I could say I would trust with my life.

Its such a rare rare thing to find someone who you can trust with anything. I've had friends throughout the years who all turned out to be untrustworthy in the end. Some of it was my fault, some of it theirs, but ultimately they weren't true friends and we don't talk now.

I think that the only people you can really trust, besides the very rare DIAMOND friend you may find in your life is your family. They are genetically programmed to have your best interests at heart and love you unconditionally.

I don't trust anybody with really personal information these days because I have learned from my mistakes.