Thirtysomething Male Virgin

thirtysfella

Hi, I'm sure you're probably sick to the teeth of guys looking for advice so I hope I've posted in the right forum...
I'm a 35 year old guy, very normal, reasonable good looking, fit, etc. but I'm still a virgin. Due to being painfully insecure approaching girls and never getting the opportunity to get with anyone, I've remained a virgin for all these years.
I would like to know what you reaction would be if you were lying in bed with a guy and he said that he was a virgin. Would you think he was a weirdo or find it a major turn-off. Is it the sort of thing that a girl would tell her friends or others?

Any opinions would be great, thanks.

GirlInterrupted

thirtysfella wrote: »

Hi, I'm sure you're probably sick to the teeth of guys looking for advice so I hope I've posted in the right forum...
I'm a 35 year old guy, very normal, reasonable good looking, fit, etc. but I'm still a virgin. Due to being painfully insecure approaching girls and never getting the opportunity to get with anyone, I've remained a virgin for all these years.
I would like to know what you reaction would be if you were lying in bed with a guy and he said that he was a virgin. Would you think he was a weirdo or find it a major turn-off. Is it the sort of thing that a girl would tell her friends or others?

Any opinions would be great, thanks.

If someone is with you in bed because she cares for you, she won't care too much, except to perhaps feel rather special. If she cares about you, she won't share anything you don't want her to. Some may consider it weird, but if you explain the circumstances as you have here, it seems understandable.

If someone is in bed with you because its a one night thing, it might matter for other reasons, and she may react differently. If she has no bond with you, she might find it easier to share your confidences with others.

Black Swan

thirtysfella wrote: »

I'm a 35 year old guy, very normal, reasonable good looking, fit, etc. but I'm still a virgin. Due to being painfully insecure approaching girls

For some reason I am left with the impression that there's more to be said about you? Perhaps if you set aside your concerns about sexuality, and just explore friendships with women, nature will take it course?

GirlInterrupted

Blue_Lagoon wrote: »

Perhaps if you set aside your concerns about sexuality, and just explore friendships with women, nature will take it course?

Possibly the last thing he should do is persue friendships, he doesn't want to be seen as a potential friend, but as a potential lover.

poss

thirtysfella wrote: »

Hi, I'm sure you're probably sick to the teeth of guys looking for advice so I hope I've posted in the right forum...
I'm a 35 year old guy, very normal, reasonable good looking, fit, etc. but I'm still a virgin. Due to being painfully insecure approaching girls and never getting the opportunity to get with anyone, I've remained a virgin for all these years.
I would like to know what you reaction would be if you were lying in bed with a guy and he said that he was a virgin. Would you think he was a weirdo or find it a major turn-off. Is it the sort of thing that a girl would tell her friends or others?

Any opinions would be great, thanks.

Believe me, you're not the only 35+ male or female virgin in this country, that's for sure.

So, you're a virgin, so what?...
...believe me, people have more serious things to worry about in life rather than the fact that they haven't got around to having sex yet.

As i type this, some people have lost or are in the process of losing their jobs, some people are suffering from serious illnesses, some people can't keep a roof over their heads, etc...

Spare a thought for the three Irish families who have lost their beautiful daughters over the Atlantic Ocean yesterday, who will more than likely never see them again..now that's a problem, not worrying about your blooming virginity issue.

GirlInterrupted

poss wrote: »

Believe me, you're not the only 35+ male or female virgin in this country, that's for sure.

So, you're a virgin, so what?...
...believe me, people have more serious things to worry about in life rather than the fact that they haven't got around to having sex yet.

As i type this, some people have lost or are in the process of losing their jobs, some people are suffering from serious illnesses, some people can't keep a roof over their heads, etc...

Spare a thought for the three Irish families who have lost their beautiful daughters over the Atlantic Ocean yesterday, who will more than likely never see them again..now that's a problem, not worrying about your blooming virginity issue.

I don't think diminishing the importance of this is very helpful to the OP, if its a problem for him, then its his problem. He shouldn't be made feel its not important, if it is to him.

He's entitled to his own feelings.

Wibbs

Moved from the ladies lounge. Better here.

Svalbard

poss wrote: »

Believe me, you're not the only 35+ male or female virgin in this country, that's for sure.

So, you're a virgin, so what?...
...believe me, people have more serious things to worry about in life rather than the fact that they haven't got around to having sex yet.

As i type this, some people have lost or are in the process of losing their jobs, some people are suffering from serious illnesses, some people can't keep a roof over their heads, etc...

Spare a thought for the three Irish families who have lost their beautiful daughters over the Atlantic Ocean yesterday, who will more than likely never see them again..now that's a problem, not worrying about your blooming virginity issue.

By any chance, do you intend posting the above in response to every problem posted here?

If I thought you were taking the piss that would be one thing, but you're actually serious!

Svalbard

Svalbard wrote: »

By any chance, do you intend posting the above in response to every problem posted here?

If I thought you were taking the piss that would be one thing, but you're actually serious!

Just realised you posted that while this thread was in the Ladies Lounge. My apologies. You can go back to your "All Men Are Bastards" discussion now.

Zaph

Svalbard, if you have an issue with any posts in this forum please use the report post button. Any more sniping at other posters will get you banned.

Svalbard

Zaph wrote: »

Svalbard, if you have an issue with any posts in this forum please use the report post button. Any more sniping at other posters will get you banned.

Fair enough. But my point is still valid.

To the OP, just live life and enjoy it. Maybe try to get out of the pub/club rut you are in and try other activities where you can meet women in a different and less threatening environment and maybe even lose a few pounds.

dreamlogic

Would you think he was a weirdo or find it a major turn-off. Is it the sort of thing that a girl would tell her friends or others?

This is impossible to answer. It would depend on the sort of person she is. If you've waited this long, then you'd probably want to build up some trust before taking things further. If there is trust then there is no reason to worry about the person's reaction.
There is no need to mention your sexual history in advance anyway.

LegacyUser

Hi there, just wanted to say that I wouldn't think you were weird at all. If the girl likes you, she wont judge you on something like that. I didn't have sex until I was almost 25. - I know that's a lot younger, but I did feel old nonetheless. All the prior stress was for nothing, as I loved and trused the guy. He knew I was a virgin, and we have certainly made up for it since. I kind of feel silly now about worrying about it, as although the sex itself was awful ( neither of us knew what we were doing), it was great getting intimate, we could both laugh at it, and as they say practice makes perfect.
If you are as you described a normal / good looking guy, then you have probably just been unlucky so far. I know it's a total cliche, but you really don't know what's waiting for you around the corner.
Best of luck!

legend365

thirtysfella wrote: »

I'm a 35 year old guy, very normal, reasonable good looking, fit, etc. but I'm still a virgin.

You survived your 20s? You deserve an award!

the fall guy

Svalbard wrote: »

Fair enough. But my point is still valid.

To the OP, just live life and enjoy it. Maybe try to get out of the pub/club rut you are in and try other activities where you can meet women in a different and less threatening environment and maybe even lose a few pounds.

This advice is garbage,live life and enjoy it? do you have any idea the peer pressure this guy must be under to get his hole?

I was the last of my peer group to get laid at 18 and the pressure was huge,God knows what it must be like at 30+.

Go to a brothel mate,get the first one out the way then charge on!

Fiend-Foe

GirlInterrupted wrote: »

Possibly the last thing he should do is persue friendships, he doesn't want to be seen as a potential friend, but as a potential lover.

Svalbard wrote: »

To the OP, just live life and enjoy it. Maybe try to get out of the pub/club rut you are in and try other activities where you can meet women in a different and less threatening environment and maybe even lose a few pounds.

the fall guy wrote: »

This advice is garbage,live life and enjoy it? do you have any idea the peer pressure this guy must be under to get his hole?

I was the last of my peer group to get laid at 18 and the pressure was huge,God knows what it must be like at 30+.

Go to a brothel mate,get the first one out the way then charge on!

I think you've all missed the point. The OP didn't mention anything about being desperate for a ride or to lose his virginity. He didn't ask anything about the best way to get laid.

OP I think the first reponse is the one you were after, and the only one worth reading IMO. Disregard the others.

entropi

GirlInterrupted wrote: »

If someone is with you in bed because she cares for you, she won't care too much

If someone is in bed with you because its a one night thing, it might matter for other reasons, and she may react differently. If she has no bond with you, she might find it easier to share your confidences with others.

If someone is in bed with him i think his problem will have been solved tbh;)

Go forth and multiply:D:D

Fiend-Foe

Master of Nothing wrote: »

If someone is in bed with him i think his problem will have been solved tbh;)

Go forth and multiply:D:D

Again,

The OP did not state that he viewed his virginity as a problem.

He was wondering what other peoples reactions to it would be. If a potential partner would consider it a problem.

LegacyUser

I know myself wot its like to go on so long without getting that far. Im only 27 and bout 3 months ago i was only comfortable enough to have sex wit some1. I would guess i was in same position as yourself, unsure, uneasy and hurting over the fact something you thought it should have happened and didnt.

But in time i met someone i was comfortable with, and shared that intimatecy with her. Trust me i thought it was never going to happen but it did when the time was right. I know that sounds cheesy but when you are ready it will be right for you, just dont loose hope, and dont be afraid to take a few chances with your confidence.

username123

thirtysfella wrote: »

Hi, I'm sure you're probably sick to the teeth of guys looking for advice so I hope I've posted in the right forum...
I'm a 35 year old guy, very normal, reasonable good looking, fit, etc. but I'm still a virgin. Due to being painfully insecure approaching girls and never getting the opportunity to get with anyone, I've remained a virgin for all these years.
I would like to know what you reaction would be if you were lying in bed with a guy and he said that he was a virgin. Would you think he was a weirdo or find it a major turn-off. Is it the sort of thing that a girl would tell her friends or others?

Any opinions would be great, thanks.

Im sure some women would think it was weird, and Im sure others wouldnt. Personally (Im a 35 year old female), it wouldnt bother me at all, Id see it as a chance to teach you all the things I like without having any bad habits to correct (said with a twinkle in my eye:)).

If you are with someone who wants to be in bed with you then chances are they are not going to be turned off by something so minor.

I actually know a couple of guys in the same boat as you - one of them is older than you.

Do you have any sexual experience at all? As in fooling around, fondling etc?


The biggest piece of advice I can give you is this - do NOT let your lack of experience prevent you from taking an opportunity when it comes along. Look at it this way - if you go to bed with someone and that person is not nice about it - would you really want to be with someone like that anyway? Probably not - so youd just move on, no harm done.

pwd

women are generally fairly suggestible. "Women's intuition" is just a fancy way of describing this. If you tell them in a straightforward manner like it's no big deal then they probably will think it's no big deal themselves, and be impressed with your honesty and frankness. If you're evasive awkward while telling them they'll probably think you're weird.
I think you really should try to address this pretty soon. Not by going to a prostitute as someone suggested but by practicing talking to women to lessen your fear of rejection/intimacy or whatever is inhibiting you.

LegacyUser

thirtysfella wrote: »

I would like to know what you reaction would be if you were lying in bed with a guy and he said that he was a virgin. Would you think he was a weirdo or find it a major turn-off. Is it the sort of thing that a girl would tell her friends or others?

Any opinions would be great, thanks.

I remained a virgin into my mid-thirties,too. Because I was waiting for 'the one'.

I had several girlfriends and wound up in bed with most of them and went through the 'I'm still a virgin' speech several times.

Only one girl had a hard time with it. The others were 100% supportive and cool with it. The girl who didn't get it, just didn't understand why I would make that choice, and she made me feel uncomfortable by going on and on and on about it and - to be honest - belittling me a tiny bit for being so 'stubborn' about something that 'wasn't important' or something like that. We totally weren't on the same page.

The others, while surprised, were cool with it and rather wonderful.

Likewise, the girl I eventually went 'all the way with' was incredibly supportive from the second that I told her. Surprised, but supportive. She really, really didn't care that I had never had sex before and was only concerned (quite rightly) about whether I felt I would eventually have sex with her.

In my own limited experience, women are very classy when it comes to matters of sex. A girl looking for a one night stand might not be as understanding (because she is looking for good sex rightaway and you might be a bit slow to get up to speed and develop your own style of doing things with confidence), but if this someone you have known for a little while and you have any sort of bond at all I don't think it will be an issue. Women always admire honesty in a man so (in a weird way) you'll probably earn some brownie points for yourself if you say it out straight when you get to the bedroom rather than say nothing and hope for the best.

If you have a list of worries about women and sex and stuff, I would urge you to cross this one off the list.

Good luck!

fabbydabby

Is it really necessary to tell them?

It's only a big deal if you make it out to be one.