I hate my Life

LegacyUser

I hate my life. I have just turned 31 and i feel like i have wasted the best years of my life .Basically I am about 5 stone over weight I always have had a weight problem. I have also done nothing with my life up to this point I have never had a girlfriend never had sex or never even kissed a girl all the fun things most people do in their 20's I havent done, like travelling or learning to drive etc.I dont have many friends and I have stopped going out as I feel whats the point I dont like the way I look and wont even try talk to a girl, they wouldnt be interested anyway. I also dont really care for the job Im doing and I spend most weekends alone in my room drinking and watching dvds, so much so I am a borderline alcoholic. I find myself wishing I had my life to live all over again from when I was 16 or 17. I am so deeply depressed

LegacyUser

You are not alone in feeling this way, but if you want things to change you need to do this yourself. First of all you need to stop drinking on your own, alcohol is a depressant and could be one of the main reasons you feel this way. I firmly believe you need to change your insides before you can change your outsides, maybe you could try some counselling? Your life is far from over, my mum lived in an abusive marriage for 23 years and split up with him 12 months ago. She has gone on to lose loads of weight not from dieting, but from changing her attitude towards food and now has a boyfriend who is lovely. The point Im rather flailingly trying to make is that you need to fix internal problems before you can expect external results. Be kind to yourself and your body. If you eat well, drink plenty of water, exercise when you can and get a good nights sleep this will leave you feeling better all over. In time when your feeling strong you can can use that strength against other problems you may feel you have like girls and friends. Remember it is up to you to WANT to change all this but it WILL WORK. I wish you all the best of luck

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Unregistered wrote: »

I hate my life. I have just turned 31 and i feel like i have wasted the best years of my life .Basically I am about 5 stone over weight I always have had a weight problem. I have also done nothing with my life up to this point I have never had a girlfriend never had sex or never even kissed a girl all the fun things most people do in their 20's I havent done, like travelling or learning to drive etc.I dont have many friends and I have stopped going out as I feel whats the point I dont like the way I look and wont even try talk to a girl, they wouldnt be interested anyway. I also dont really care for the job Im doing and I spend most weekends alone in my room drinking and watching dvds, so much so I am a borderline alcoholic. I find myself wishing I had my life to live all over again from when I was 16 or 17. I am so deeply depressed

What you're saying here is not as unusual as you might think. You could honestly be talking about me six years ago.

You do sound like you need to get out more, but be a bit creative. Join clubs rather than go to bars. At least there you have a common interest with people and it's easier to talk to strangers and meet women.

AARRRGH

Start making small changes.

Here is one you can do tonight - go for a long, brisk walk. This alone will improve your mood, and will be a baby step on the road to losing that weight and improving your body image.

Honestly, by improving your diet and exercising you will fix most of your problems. You will feel physically better, you will look physically better, you will feel drastically mentally better, you will feel less inclined to consume bad food, and women will become attracted to you.

So start by walking, and then add a bit of jogging, and then when you feel up to it, join a gym and start lifting some weights.

None of this will happen overnight, but with a bit of effort (mental and physical) there is no reason why you can't completely turn around your life in 12 months, and by that I mean feeling mentally and physically great, and having a girlfriend.

Obviously you know yourself you should cut down on the booze (it's a depressant - getting rid of it will help your mood).

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

AARRRGH

31 isn't old btw, and it's a social myth that the "best years of your life" are your 20's. Only you control your life, so you can decide when and how long the best years are.

Firetrap

+1 to what all the others have said. Give up drinking for starters and set about losing all that weight. If you need help, I suggest you try something like WeightWatchers or Unislim. They have classes for men as well and the knowledge that you will have to stand up on a scales each week might deter you from eating the wrong things.

There's no point in looking backwards. Make out a list of things you want to achieve; lose weight, learn to drive. Take up a new hobby or do a course at night. You are only 31 - you are still young. Don't be looking back at what you might have done at 17 or 18. You can't go back there again but you can still do an awful lot in your thirties. Good luck!

LegacyUser

Thanks for all your replies

The problem I have with getting a car at the moment is that I am 16k in debt which im paying back monthly and the bank wont give me another loan even though I have a permanent job

Rebelheart

Unregistered wrote: »

I hate my life. I have just turned 31 and i feel like i have wasted the best years of my life .Basically I am about 5 stone over weight I always have had a weight problem. I have also done nothing with my life up to this point I have never had a girlfriend never had sex or never even kissed a girl all the fun things most people do in their 20's I havent done, like travelling or learning to drive etc.I dont have many friends and I have stopped going out as I feel whats the point I dont like the way I look and wont even try talk to a girl, they wouldnt be interested anyway. I also dont really care for the job Im doing and I spend most weekends alone in my room drinking and watching dvds, so much so I am a borderline alcoholic. I find myself wishing I had my life to live all over again from when I was 16 or 17. I am so deeply depressed

I saved an absolute fortune by giving up the deoch and going out. I then moved home to my parents. The drink and its attendant costs alone was costing me about €500 per month. That money is now going into my debts which is reducing them greatly. Oh, and the weight has dropped off me. I've lost well over 15kg so far, as I mentioned on these boards a few weeks back. Alcohol is riddled - absolutely riddled - in calories. I'm bouncing around the place now. I never realised how light I would feel by losing that weight.

The poster above who said to get yourself out for a brisk walk this evening was spot-on. Gorgeous evening to start changing the rest of your life. Live life (arsa mise istigh ar an idirlion!)

Also, I gave up the drink by embracing suffering (I'm not being facetious). As Nietzsche said, 'Out of life's school of war that which does not destroy me makes me stronger'. Or as our own Traolach Mac Suibhne put i before his death: 'it is not those who inflict the most but those who endure the most who will ultimately triumph.' It really gives me a deep sense of satisfaction to know that I've overcome my demons and stayed strong. This counters the sense of emptiness and lack of joy.
To overcome the latter, find some spiritual outlet. Take up a new language (as a rule there are loads of gorgeous babes in language classes), open your cultural world, find something to live for. Aim to achieve something very personal such as educational achievement or sporting achievement. You could aim to run the marathon? Nothing is beyond you, fatty! (as I keep telling myself!) There are so very many things you can do. Aim to achieve something every day of your life. I really think that, above all else, is the most important thing in terms of your own redemption.

Your life is just beginning (and 31 is not old).

AARRRGH

Rebelheart wrote: »

I saved an absolute fortune by giving up the deoch and going out. I then moved home to my parents. The drink and its attendant costs alone was costing me about €500 per month. That money is now going into my debts which is reducing them greatly. Oh, and the weight has dropped off my. I've lost well over 15kg so far, as I mentioned on these boards a few weeks back. Alcohol is riddled - absolutely riddled - in calories. I'm bouncing around the place now. I never realised how light I would feel by losing that weight.

It's not just the weight which has you feeling great - I often give up booze for months and the physical change is immense. Alcohol definitely interferes with your body and mind.

LegacyUser

who says you can only go travelling in your 20s? I'm in my 30s and plan on doing some more before I'm 40..
Think of it, when you're 41, you can look back on the last 10 years, and think "wow,. I did loads".

Don't dwell on the past. I'm guilty of that myself, but I do think it's good to think about the here and now...

markopantelic

dude you just need to reinvent yourself. get out there and lose the weight, act young and then you'll be young. go to tk makks and invest in baggy jeans, some t-shirts, listen to rap music/blink 182/sum 41, 31 aint old honestly not old at all, i always felt in ireland there is a tendancy to make people feel older than they are, youre only 31, so yeah life is only starting ok.

dellas1979

well, you have identified areas of your life that you are unhappy with and that is a good start.

I think that you need to take one thing at a time....small things first. You need to stop drinking first of all. Especially drinking on your own. Maybe then work on your appearance if thats what will make you happy. The debt you seem to have under control. Maybe if you are happy in yourself, then you will be able to attract a girl.

By the way, I am as old as you and I felt actually traumatised when I turned 30. I honestly went into mourning for a week. But I surely realised that being in your 30s doesnt mean the end of anything. What would be even sadder is if you just "gave up" because of a number and in another 10 years you thought "I should have done something".

Dravokivich

get the hell out of your bedroom... walk around your estate / apt block and start staying saying hi to random people that seem decent enough as you pass... eventually you may come across a few people who will actually strike a conversation as opposed to just nodding back politely... even then no harm in that as over time the same people who just nod will recognise ya.. and then may even start talking too...

hell... try going to a pub during big matches and watch how the teams play... and strike up a conversation with the people around based on it...

others above are discouraging your drinking... but if done socially its not a problem... unless you notice yer glass is drying then most pretty quick...

then again what would i know... closing off the long weekend in my room with a bottle of bushmills, but i was out on saturday and talked to a chick who was more then willing to give me her number...

all you gotta do is give them enough attention to make'em think they are the whole world for that 1 moment you smile at them...

... but you've only wasted the best time of your life... so far... there's more out there yet to come... and it ain't going change much if you are just going to sit around and sink in it.

Regardless of what the above or below post you have to do something. you have to make that change. maybe posting here is testing the water or something, but you ain't getting wet staying indoors, you ain't going to get anywhere with the "not so many friends" you are rarely hanging out with these days...

That ultimate woman may not be the best choice for you either... maybe your standards are as ridiculasly high as theirs? Or hell... if your main idea about the other half of your speicies is to give them a jolly rodgering... you could be coming off as too overwhelming...

as mentioned before, try going out and making friends with a few people... both male and female... dont even bother trying to hook up... dont mean to be a prick but you are too much baggage right now... over time you'll gain confidence and hell your friends may have friends... and so on...

GETTING LAID

should be your last objective right now and for as long as you're going to talk about this stuff anonymously. The biggest thing you have to face with your lack of social confidence is facing this issue with someone else and talking with them. what you need is someone you trust to be able to give you the personal strength you require.

- Drav!

PS: I'm a guy thats 24 almost 25, i dont regularly try to chat up women. sometimes it works in my favour just being cool and talking with them. first time i kissed i was 18, first time i got laid i was 23. last time i got laid i was also 23, but 9 months later... this weekend was the first time i had a fling thing in almost a year...

I dont regret it. i do feel like there is something out there i need to aspire to thats not selfish and purely rodgering... what it is i've no idea yet. but by the looks of it mate you know what you've missed. don't you fúcking dare forget it. make you're own self pity your motivation...

that is to say, i know tomorrow morning i'm going to wake up feeling like shíte, but through the day i'll interact with people in work i like and admire and friends i regard with the highest sincerity, and do my job really dam well and to full potential, even though i hate it as much as you do yours. self respect is nothing you'll get here, but can be boosted from those around you...

and no... ITS NOT EGOTISTICAL!

x in the city

life is young at 30, you have a whole lifetime ahead of you and put the past down to life experiences

as all the posters said, go out for a walk, keep fit, quite the booze [or excessive booze] and read some books, go to library's.
and forget looks, everyone thinks they are not good looking, its bull ****.

Im out of work a year and its crap, I applied for 3 post grad courses in the last few days.

You gotta pick yourself up and now matter how bad you think your situation is, there's always someone worse off than you dude.

so chin up and lets roll..

maidie

Hi OP, Cheer up, you can start to improve your life the moment you make a conscious decision to do so. Your only a young fella, but you need to get out and take advantage of the world cos it sure aint going to come to you all tucked away. If your not careful you could become a social recluse. Its never too late to improve any aspect of your life but I would say cut back big time on the alcohol and replace it with exercise. Even if you hate the gym or exercising as soon as you start to see an improvement in your fitness and energy levels you will start to get into it in a big way. you seem to be just stuck in a rut. Today apply for a provisional licence and you could be learning to drive within the next couple of weeks, You have so much to live for. Anyway, thank your lucky stars that you have a job and thats a big bonus these days(I expect to be laid off in a couple of weeks;-() Get up and get out and let us know how you get on. Don't waste any more time...Good Luck

Aziraphale

DON'T 'get on a Ryanair flight' to some manky city. Killing the planet won't make you feel better.

DO go for that long walk tonight.

Er, don't buy baggy jeans and rap music or I can guarantee everyone will hate you.

Make sure the DVDs you watch are inspiring, interesting, and educational.

Clarify whether you're male or female, don't make people assume.

Do you have friends? Where do you live? Do you live near me, for example?

Alcohol and calories: if you are really a borderline alcoholic, it probably isn't the alcohol that's keeping you overweight. You can google this, the New York Times has an informative article. Infrequent drinkers, OTOH, will get the full 7kcal/gram effects of it.

Also if you hate your job, why are you doing it? Jobs are thoroughly pointless unless they make you or someone else happy and you are reaching your limit for unhappiness tolerance. So give it up. Big deal.

AARRRGH

Aziraphale wrote: »

Also if you hate your job, why are you doing it? Jobs are thoroughly pointless unless they make you or someone else happy and you are reaching your limit for unhappiness tolerance. So give it up. Big deal.

You gotta earn money though, and we're at the beginning of a long recession...

markopantelic

Aziraphale wrote: »

DON'T 'get on a Ryanair flight' to some manky city. Killing the planet won't make you feel better.

DO go for that long walk tonight.

Er, don't buy baggy jeans and rap music or I can guarantee everyone will hate you.

Make sure the DVDs you watch are inspiring, interesting, and educational.

Clarify whether you're male or female, don't make people assume.

Do you have friends? Where do you live? Do you live near me, for example?

Alcohol and calories: if you are really a borderline alcoholic, it probably isn't the alcohol that's keeping you overweight. You can google this, the New York Times has an informative article. Infrequent drinkers, OTOH, will get the full 7kcal/gram effects of it.

Also if you hate your job, why are you doing it? Jobs are thoroughly pointless unless they make you or someone else happy and you are reaching your limit for unhappiness tolerance. So give it up. Big deal.

:rolleyes: stupid hippy