Me so not horny

LegacyUser

I dont want to give too much detail here yet.

I met this girl that I might love.
She has been sexually assaulted before.

Recently we engaged in having sex, everything was fine as usual until the point where we went from kissing,cuddling, like 2 seconds of foreplay, straight to her mounting me (becoming completely emotionally detached) and telling me to stick it in.

Now fine if she was just some piece of meat that I couldn't give a **** about but I really care a lot about this girl. I was ,"what the ****, slow down for a second" and after that I was really put off and slightly offended for some reason.

I mean I'm all for some good old fashioned hard ****ing but I still want to be emotionally engaged with the girl, to have fun like. It just went from nice to mechanic in about 2 seconds.I felt offended strangely.

This is all new to me, like the old me would call the new me some kind of pussy. I've never felt as strong a bond with a girl before and she's very attractive but I want more than porn.

It might also have something to do with the way she wanted to be dominant, I'm just not used to that, in fairness I can't stand it, it would be fine to alternate but thats just a complete turn off. I think it's more the fact that we were on too completely different levels emotionally, all of a sudden.

Man you'd swear that was written by a woman.
Anyways, I want to fix this.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

LeixlipRed

No shame dude. That'd weird me out to. Talk to her, explain your misgivings.

CDfm

Some of its probably nervousness & it takes time to build up intimacy.We are not nearly as cool and detached as we would like to think we are.

beks101

You mentioned she's been sexually assaulted before.

Don't want to jump to conclusions, but I definitely wouldn't overlook this as it may go some way towards explaining the emotional detachment. Has she been to a counsellor about it? There may well be a catalogue of unresolved issues surrounding this.

Number one is, you need to talk to her. Explain how you feel about her and want sex to be intimate and meaningful for the both of you, and it's important to you that she enjoys it as well as you. Egg shells here re the assault she's been through but if she's someone you say you might love, I think it's going to need to be addressed at some stage.

LegacyUser

The only way you're going to get through this is with communication and to be open and honest. It really does sound like she could be just going through the motions to get things done quickly because of the assault she's been through...she may not even realise she's doing it.

Talk to her, be sensitve and hope you get through it

LegacyUser

buy some massage oils and candles and suggest an intimate night without full sex.....she'll realise you love her for who she is and you're not just after the inevitable. Just remember, if you offer a night like that don't cave in, stick to the deal and she'll feel fantastic the next day and more relaxed the next time you're intimate.