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Moving on from the past

  • 31-05-2009 11:42PM
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭


    im 22 and finding life really difficult. Throughout my teeneage years I hated school and decided to leave after junior cert after endless nights of worrying about being bullied. I taught myself the leaving certificate curriculm with the help of a brother and sat the exam. I got an excellent leaving cert. went to college and dropped out a year before getting the degree. had really bad depression and was sucidal etc. for a long time. the thing is it was serious and had to be hospitalised. now im much better and when im looking for a job, im asked about what ive been up to throughtout the year and have no references etc...the truth wouldn't get me anywhere and how can i lie? i feel like im trapped in my past and can't find a way out...


Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,980 ✭✭✭Kevster


    You are not trapped at all my friend. Regarding the gap in your CV, you can turn this into a positive, by saying something like: 'Well, I ran into some difficulty in my private life and had to take time out from everything. However, I managed to overcome the problem and am now back with confidance'.

    Remember that there are positives in every negative.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,023 ✭✭✭Dostoevsky


    im 22 and finding life really difficult. Throughout my teeneage years I hated school and decided to leave after junior cert after endless nights of worrying about being bullied. I taught myself the leaving certificate curriculm with the help of a brother and sat the exam. I got an excellent leaving cert. went to college and dropped out a year before getting the degree. had really bad depression and was sucidal etc. for a long time. the thing is it was serious and had to be hospitalised. now im much better and when im looking for a job, im asked about what ive been up to throughtout the year and have no references etc...the truth wouldn't get me anywhere and how can i lie? i feel like im trapped in my past and can't find a way out...


    Just to support what Kevin above just said: you are not trapped.

    Here goes.

    You're only 22! I'm in my mid-30s now. I had unbelievable ill health as a kid suffering from epilepsy since the age of 7. I was sleeping through school, waking up, having an attack and going back to sleep, waking up, maybe doing things for a short while until the pressure built up and brought on another attack. Knackered after the attack so fall back to sleep. And so it went on and on for years. To get this wonderful "control" over my epilepsy, I was also drugged up to the nines on everything from Epilem, Phenobarbitone, Mysoline, Tegretol and everything else. Nothing was working. I had no normal childhood, and I was a particularly disruptive student who was terrified that everybody would leave me behind (as they did).

    Needless to say, I failed everything - I think I got 1 Pass and 1 Honour in the Inter Cert all those years ago. Left school, took on menial job after menial job. Lost menial job after menial job because I had attacks while working. At 21 years of age it was worse than ever and I had lost the love of my life (as I thought at the time, anyway). I was going to the neurological consultant at least every month and making an appointment on the day as I did not care anymore. While in the hospital Waiting Area I would have attacks and when the aura came before the attacks, I would knock on the consultant's door (who was inside with another patient) so that he could see what I was like and help me as I didn't want to live any longer.

    Finally, after one year of that unrelentless behaviour, and 15 years of the affliction, they brought some psychiatrist specialist guy over from America to examine me, brought me in to Beaumont to record me over a period of several nights to see what I was like when I had attacks. I then attended a clinical psychologist who carried out a long series of tests on the two sides of my brain over a few months. Long story short: after all the tests they said they would operate on me. So, at 22 years of age they cut open my right temporal lobe removed the scar tissue that was causing the attacks. Hey presto, I haven't had a single attack since (nor even an 'aura', the often suicidal-like feeling before an attack happens).

    I went back to school and sat the Leaving Cert that same year and got enough points to go to university (it was less than the CAO points but they made allowances due to my medical problems and accepted me). Got to final year and, amazingly for everybody around me, finished in the top 10 per cent in my year in all my subjects. I wanted to do a postgrad and they offered me an academic scholarship to do a PhD. It was like all my Christmases came together. Got awarded my doctorate a while back and I’m a totally different guy to the 22-year-old who had lost hope and just didn't want to go on. I still, though, have to account for my “lost years”. Well, I don’t really feel the need to “account” anymore although they are just as lost as yours.
    1. You’re only 22 so you can spoof. It is only a year or two. It really is nothing. You are under no obligation to tell anybody anything which you don’t feel comfortable about.
    2. If you are comfortable with it – I know I certainly wasn’t – you can just say something vague like ‘I had bad health’ and people usually just move on rapidly.
    3. I had a job interview the other week and they asked me to talk about the missing years on my CV. This question came after I had established my qualifications for the post to their satisfaction. In response I answered, for the first time in my life, that I had suffered from ill health for a while and that explains the circuitous route which I took before going to university. No details were given, just an honest answer in a way which respected my own privacy but accepted the legitimacy of their question. I couldn’t believe I gave them that much info. They smiled, moved on to the next question quickly. At the end of the interview the main guy offered me the job before I even left the room. I felt liberated that I felt far enough away from that place I was in when I was 22. But it has taken a long time.
    4. You need one person who will vouch for you, or write you a reference. That should not be too hard. People generally like being asked to act as referees (at least in my experience they do). People are especially generous when it comes to helping somebody out at the start of their careers.
    5. I had no qualms about lying simply because my ill health and the lost years consequent on it were not my fault. My conscience was clear, and is clear. Similarly, your health issues are not your fault. Further, I wouldn’t trust the open-mindedness of any potential employer enough to tell them that I had epilepsy as there are too many stereotypes. You are facing a similar situation of ignorance and prejudice. None of this is your fault. You should have a clear conscience. However, if you do not “lie” (an inappropriate word in the circumstances) you will quite probably not have the opportunity to prove yourself, to restore your self-confidence, and to become a changed man. You need to give yourself a break. The value of getting a job which will allow you to flourish again justifies being kinder to yourself. Most people in society would have the compassion to accept that, under the circumstances, society will benefit much more by you getting that job and becoming a better, happier guy. If telling a white lie to cover up for the time you were ill is the cost then it is well worth it. And you should be doing it with a crystal clear conscience.
    You'll be absolutely fine. If you are copping-on at 22 years of age, you are clearly a winner. There are legions of people around us all who have still not copped-on at 32 or 42 years of age. Get a plan and keep your eye on the ball. Getting a good education, particularly in a recession, is well worth it. All universities now have Access officers so if you want to study a different subject but may not have the points due to health problems you could try that route. You definitely need a degree at least. It will be no problem at all to you. All the best!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    just to say thanks for the helpful replies...


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,980 ✭✭✭Kevster


    You're welcome. Feel free to comment on what we are saying, or any other isues you want to talk about. You might as well talk about them now that you'gve started your own thread.

    Take care dude,
    Kevin


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